I ultimately cannot dictate what you decide to do, but I can tell you this. I think I speak for many a ZD'er, heck, many a person when I say that you just may be one of the most talented, lively, and good-natured individuals that we know. I cannot claim to say that I understand your situation in the fullest, but I urge you, despite all of that, to reflect upon the good and beautiful things in your life. Those things, believe it or not, in relishing them, may just bring in the happiness that you seek! I'd hate to steal some of Deus's thunder, but he makes a good point. Happiness may not always be present, and a perfect set of circumstances may not always make themselves apparent; however, happiness will arrive. Just stay nimble, stay ready! You can do this! Suicide is not the answer, as previously noted, and if you need anything, you know that we're all here to help!