I am terrified about my future. The fear keeps growing too.
I am trying to have hope, but I don't think there is anything out there for me. I just see myself waking up every morning and having no reason to get out of bed. The possibility of me growing apart from someone is still worrying me. Growing apart from friends always happens to me, and even though our friendship is growing stronger every day, I am still scared that they will be absent in my future. I am also scare of saying all of this because I'm afraid that they will think they're stressing me out and leave, an I don't want them to leave at all.Why does life have to suck? I see my friends that have already planned out their future and I don't even know where to start. I have no idea what I want to do when I grow up. I know I want a kid. I prefer adopting one to be honest though. I used to be fine with reproduction, but now sex is becoming one of the things about our world that I hate. I hate how it's so hyped, and I hate how immature people can be about it, even adults. So, technically I don't need someone else, but I don't want to raise a child by myself. Of course, I don't want to marry someone just so they can raise a child with me, but I want to find that person that I will spend the rest of my life with. I don't know if I will ever get married though. I just have to wait and see. I know that I'm too young to worry about this, but I am too different for most people so my "plenty of fish in the sea" is very limited.
I'll be honest, I hate life. It's so stressful, confusing, and overwhelming at times. I am glad I am strong enough to fight through it, but I only have a handful of reasons to keep fighting through this. The main reason is the person I talked about before. I mostly want to fight through the difficulties in life for them because I care about them so much.
I will get over this soon. It's just all of this is worrying me right now and I need to vent.