The rain just suddenly started pounding against my window. It is very big as it basically forms one of the walls in my room so the sound it makes is just delightful. I think I am ready to sleep to this.
I lost someone key to my recovery today. I knew not to set expectations and I did. I already knew that "expectations are future resentments" yet I still expected my counselor to be there to help me through till at least November 8th. And today she was forced to quit.
She knew what she was doing, yet still I am unable to hold her accountable. Instead I am holding resentments towards TCC for enforcing the rules, even though TCC is the organization giving me this second chance at life. But mainly I am hateing and fully convinced that this cock sucker I have never met in my life is an arrogant piece of dog ****, cuz he butt hurt, and decided to cover it up by bragging about the situation setting the events in motion causing her departure.
I learned today that you can't learn from situations simply by finding your role in it. Sometimes you play no part, and there is nothing you can change about yourself to prevent it in the future. Powerlessness is a *****. But life is beautiful. So instead of being the old me that would obsess over said cock sucker and beat the life out of him just to make myself feel better, I don't have to live like that today.
If you actually read all this, thank u so much for listening. For those who didn't, just know "Expectations are future resentments".
So glad to be done with my final after today. I managed to work myself up to the point of stress-induced vomiting just before my exam (first time in a while) since it is an extremely difficult subject. Once I calmed myself down and took the exam it actually went alright, it's annoying how much we can make minor things seem so important and stressful in our own heads :/
After leaving the exam I checked my emails and was pretty happy to find out that Uni has given me another scholarship, $900 this time. I really need a Windows computer, so I'm thinking I'll use it to build one. Thank goodness the day has turned out better than expected.
I try to study as much as I can, time is unfortunately limited though. Better time management would be an improvement though for sure.
Today I went out with some friends to play Paintball for the first time. It didn't really hurt as much as I had expected and I only have a couple of bruises. Maybe I'll hurt more tomorrow, we shall see. It was a lot of fun but quite expensive compared to say laser tag.