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The Official ZD Jokes Thread


Kissing Link is like chocolate; rich and sweet.
Jun 20, 2014
Sucking Link's eartips.
Did you hear about the standoff between the two grammar professors? It was past tense.

EDIT: I remembered another one...

Q: What has eighteen legs and catches flies?
A: A baseball team.
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Mellow Ezlo

Spoony Bard
Forum Volunteer
Dec 2, 2012
A guy walks into a bar and sees a tiny man playing a tiny piano.

After ordering a drink, the bartender tells him that the bar is home to a magical genie that can grant any wish. So the man takes the opportunity to make a wish.

"I wish for a million bucks". Poof. Out come a million ducks.

The man is confused. The bartender tells him that the genie mishears wishes sometimes. "I never asked for a 12-inch pianist" he says.

Kylo Ken

I will finish what Spyro started
Aug 10, 2011
I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore tonight.

The car started right up but they said I'd need a new battery.
Also, there was a shoe store that was looted, not a single pair of work boots was taken.


Angel of Darkness
Staff member
ZD Legend
Jan 31, 2010
Yahtzee, Supernatural
Angel of Darkness
Ho Chow calls into work and say " Hey, I no come to work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach pain and leg hurts, I no come work.
The boss says "You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Ho Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon... You got very nice house."
Apr 5, 2015
WARNING: This joke is somewhat offensive. Reader discretion is advised.

What did the blind man say to his friend?

"Long time no see." :cool:

I see blind jokes to be rather humorous.

I hear that deaf jokes are good as well.

But I cannot stand cripple jokes.
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つ ◕_◕ ༽つ
Nov 12, 2007
In bed
What is the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I've never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
Apr 5, 2015
I was playing Mortal Kombat on my PS3 with the
loud music banging through my eardrums.
Suddenly, it all went quiet!
I took my headphones off, thinking to myself,

"Why did I buy this cheap junk that doesn't last?"

I, out of frustration, kicked my flatscreen TV.
It fell onto a cushion, and I quickly set it back to resume my game
"Oh great, I just broke my TV! It's got no sound now!"

Great, just great. Both, my headphones and the TV's busted.
I then decided to take myself out for a stroll to get some fresh air.

"Man... why's it so quiet today? I hear nothing..."

This guy lost his hearing.

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