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The Official ZD Jokes Thread

LinkIsSexy

Kissing Link is like chocolate; rich and sweet.
Joined
Jun 20, 2014
Location
Sucking Link's eartips.
Gender
Hylian
Did you hear about the standoff between the two grammar professors? It was past tense.

EDIT: I remembered another one...

Q: What has eighteen legs and catches flies?
A: A baseball team.
 
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Mellow Ezlo

Spoony Bard
Forum Volunteer
Joined
Dec 2, 2012
Location
eh?
Gender
Slothkin
A guy walks into a bar and sees a tiny man playing a tiny piano.

After ordering a drink, the bartender tells him that the bar is home to a magical genie that can grant any wish. So the man takes the opportunity to make a wish.

"I wish for a million bucks". Poof. Out come a million ducks.

The man is confused. The bartender tells him that the genie mishears wishes sometimes. "I never asked for a 12-inch pianist" he says.
 

Kylo Ken

I will finish what Spyro started
Joined
Aug 10, 2011
Location
Ohio
I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore tonight.

The car started right up but they said I'd need a new battery.
Also, there was a shoe store that was looted, not a single pair of work boots was taken.
 

Vanessa28

Angel of Darkness
Staff member
ZD Legend
Administrator
Joined
Jan 31, 2010
Location
Yahtzee, Supernatural
Gender
Angel of Darkness
Ho Chow calls into work and say " Hey, I no come to work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach pain and leg hurts, I no come work.
The boss says "You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Ho Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon... You got very nice house."
 
Joined
Apr 5, 2015
WARNING: This joke is somewhat offensive. Reader discretion is advised.

What did the blind man say to his friend?

"Long time no see." :cool:

I see blind jokes to be rather humorous.

I hear that deaf jokes are good as well.

But I cannot stand cripple jokes.
 
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Mercedes

つ ◕_◕ ༽つ
Joined
Nov 12, 2007
Location
In bed
Gender
Female
What is the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I've never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
 
Joined
Apr 5, 2015
I was playing Mortal Kombat on my PS3 with the
loud music banging through my eardrums.
Suddenly, it all went quiet!
I took my headphones off, thinking to myself,

"Why did I buy this cheap junk that doesn't last?"

I, out of frustration, kicked my flatscreen TV.
It fell onto a cushion, and I quickly set it back to resume my game
.
"Oh great, I just broke my TV! It's got no sound now!"

Great, just great. Both, my headphones and the TV's busted.
I then decided to take myself out for a stroll to get some fresh air.

"Man... why's it so quiet today? I hear nothing..."

This guy lost his hearing.
 

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