General Art The Newcomer

[Doc]

Okay, I finally got the prologue through. If it seems confusing, don't worry. It will be explained later on. Hope you enjoy.


Prologue

The first lights of dawn shone as the children of dark were seen marching towards the small encampments. Soldiers scrambled to gather their spears and swords, their numbers smaller than the opposing enemy.

“Where the hell are they!?” the commander screamed, looking beyond the dark children. “They claimed they knew those tunnels! They should be out of there!” Below the captain’s quarters, men in armor of blue and red prepared for the fight, formations charging off to their deaths.

“Sir!” A man finely dressed, screamed to the captain, over the sound of swords clanging together. “The battle is clearly lost! We must retreat to the tunnels. Rumors are spreading that there are more than just people in the foe’s army.”

“To hell with that! The reports are false. Beasts from the First! Hah!”

“Do what you want then, commander.” The now red faced man explained. “But the people who aren’t on a martyr mission are going down to safety.”

An hour passed, and the day only grew grimmer. The battle was lost. The surviving soldiers were being executed. The captain was being held down, forced to his knees. The children of the dark were celebrating his defeat.

The captain spat at the executioner. “Get it over with, and clean.”

“With pleasure.” He laughed, raising the great axe. His laughs were interrupted by the sounds of horns. AROOOOOOO. AROOO.

Now the captain began to laugh. “Guess you won’t win today,” he chuckled. The white armored soldiers charged the unprepared warriors. The executioner raised his axe again, only to be hit with an arrow. More appeared out of his chest, until he fell down motionless. Pulling out his sword, the captain charged into battle with the children of light. The battle was the last the captain would ever see, along with the children of fire, water, and light.

Much knowledge was lost this day. But people would never forget that sea rages, the fire burns, the light blinds, and the darkness hides.

 

[*M i d n a*]

Ah, it's a great beginning. I really enjoyed what you brought today, WI. It's short but at least you opened up the road ahead to your story. I can't wait till you update again. The part I enjoyed most was when the captain was about to get executed, and he was saved. :nod:

Keep up the good work, fellow writer. ~Gobli

 

[Doc]

^Thanks. I know it was short, but I hope that I can enforce the rest of it. Since this is the prologue, I hadn't really put as much thought in it as much as I should have.

 

[*M i d n a*]

^Thanks. I know it was short, but I hope that I can enforce the rest of it. Since this is the prologue, I hadn't really put as much thought in it as much as I should have.

You'll be fine; it's the start to a good story. Unlike me, who tends to write long intros. But anyway, this is your spotlight. I can't wait to see what you do with all the characters that were submitted.

*Gobli whispers* "Do you know when your next update will be?"

 

[Doc]

Uh, not a clue...

 

[*M i d n a*]

Just take your time, then. I will wait until that day comes. :nod:

 

[Raindrop14]

Good story Windmill, I look forward to more. ^^

 

[Doc]

And we have the beginning of the first part. Hope this came out a little better. Enjoy!


The bus seemed to be going farther and farther out into the middle of nowhere. After spending two days in the vehicle, Alex Norcross was getting very bored. The town of Laten was the last stop, and he was oddly the only person left on the bus. The dismal and grey sky was slowly turning a dark black.

“Last stop! Laten!” The driver called back. Alex stood and grabbed his messenger bag and went to get off the bus. “Don’t know what you’re doing in a town like this kid, but get wherever you are heading.”

With a nod, Alex stepped off the bus and looked around. It was colder outside, forcing him to shiver and miss the bus’ warmth. The only part of it he did miss. The bus drove off, leaving him in the dark. Alex observed Laten and the few people who remained outside.

The town was very obscure, a deep fog made very little of anything visible. The street-walkers all moved quickly and very few together. Alex pulled up his hood and began looking around. On the street, it always seemed as though he was being watched. Whether it was paranoia or not, he could have sworn a scuffling sound came from atop a roof.

Calm down. It is just your imagination, he thought. The paranoid feelings wouldn’t go away, so Alex figured a larger crowd was what he needed to find. That and a drink.

The discovery of the bar wasn’t too hard. Laten was much smaller than Alex originally thought. There was where he realized most of the town was. It was a very crowded place. Many people were drinking and having fun. None of them were complete strangers to each other, he knew, and this made him feel like an outsider. Alex found his way to the bartender.

“Get me a beer,” he said to the bartender. Without a response or acknowledgement, the bartender just slid a bottle in front of Alex. The newcomer stood there, and noticed a young dark-haired woman, wearing a red dress looking his way. Once he noticed her, she slowly strutted over.

“What’s the name, handsome?” She asked.

“I am Alex,” he replied solemnly.

“Ebony, Ebony White. So what brings you to this little town, Alex?”

He shrugged. “This was the place I needed to go.”

This made Ebony chuckle. “You got a place to stay?”

Alex shook his head. “I am not looking for any handouts, though.”

“Tell you what, stranger. You stay with me one night- one night, that is it- and you will owe me a favor. That sound good to you?” Ebony smirked at him, her confidence was overwhelming.

“No funny business.”

“None. I swear.” She said, leading him out. As they walked from the door, Alex heard vigorous scrawling on a paper. He looked up, and saw a dark figure fall down off the roof. It quickly ran behind several buildings and disappeared.

Alex moved to follow it, when Ebony grabbed his arm.

“That was nothing. You needn’t worry about it.” She told him.

“What was it?”

“No clue.” Ebony said, but by the way she said it and the hardness in her expression, he knew that was untrue.

 

[*M i d n a*]

Well, I, for one, liked it. Well done. Haha, I liked how the bartender just slid that bottle to him without showing much emotion or giving him words. The rest was good too, especially the last part in which Alex saw that strange figure; hm, wonder where that's gonna lead. Keep it up.

 

[Doc]

Thanks alot. Like, 80% of this part I had never created prior to writing. Ebony, she never existed until 5 minutes ago.

 

[Raindrop14]

Good part Windmill.

 

[Doc]

I hate to say it, but I think I may have to put this story on hold. At least until I can improve my writing skills. The wait may be a month or two, I am unsure. Hopefully I can hone my ability and come back and improve this story. This is a story I am fond of, so I don't want to butcher it with my lousy writing. Sorry to those who have actually been reading and are intrigued by it.

 

[Raindrop14]

No problem, I've felt the same way about my work. Take your time. ^^

 

[Doc]

You know how I said month...I actually meant a couple of days.

I am just gonna restart this, and put a little more effort into the writing.

So here you are, the prologue again. And sorry for making you reread it.

Spoiler

A young boy, no older than 5, ran throughout the old library. His smile was as large as it ever was, causing his face to become sore. This was his first time being at the library and he had never seen such a large variety of different books. He marveled at them all; large and small same. Perhaps it was his small height and giant imagination, but the aisles appeared endless. It was the most wonderful day of his life.

“Nathan…Please calm down.” His mother whispered sternly. She grew frustrated when she spied him sitting down in a chair, holding a leather bound book that was obviously complicated. Real literature. “Nathan. Put that down.” She took the book the book and threw it down on the table in front of him.

“We did not come here to play. If you can’t settle down we are leaving!” She said quietly.

Nathan did not listen, and just got a bigger stack of history books.

His flustered mother put down her book and marched back to him. “That does it! We are leaving!” She grabbed him by the wrist tightly and pulled him out of his chair. Nathan pulled back, he wasn’t ready to leave. He squealed and broke free of his mother’s stern grip. He ran as quickly as he could.

“Nathan! Get back here! Nathan!” Her cries were muffled when Nathan found his way to the janitor’s closet, and locked the door behind him. He looked towards the door, fearful he will be found. Scared, he took steps backwards until his back hit a shelf. He had to force himself not to cry out when he felt a heavy object fall and slam against his head.

Looking down, he stared at what he felt hit him. After a moment, he could make out the rectangular shape of a book. Nathan picked it up and blew the dust that settled over time in the dank closet. He squinted as he read the title.

“The Genesis…?” He whispered in the dark, and flipped open to the first page.

In the beginning, along with man were the Children. The Children all came from the same birthmother, legend says. There were hundreds of them, and they were said to never age. They settled and began to differ. They formed four different groups. The Children of the Sea were full of shipwrights and sailors, and had the fastest ships in the world. The Children of the Flame were known as the smiths of the land, crafting the finest weapons. The Children of Light are given their title for their righteous deeds. And the Children of Shadow were given this grim name long after they disappeared from the Earth, any title prior was lost and unrecorded. This ancient and wise civilization was large and diverse. No force on Earth was brave enough to go against their army.

Man found the civilization, and there were those who were more than happy to allow them into their culture. However others thought otherwise. They were later known to be the Children of Shadow, referring to their method of killing man; hiding in the shadows and slaughtering the outsiders brutally. The years following were claimed to be the Era of Darkness, according to records. The Children of Shadows’ army grew larger until it matched the might of their brothers’ armies.

A war ensued, a miserable and hopeless one for man. The civilization seemed lost. They wiped each other out during the final battle of the Great War, at the Battle of Secrets. Below is a journal entry of a squire during the Battle of Secrets.

“…the late captain was screaming at the soldiers of Flame and Sea, along with troops of our own. The brave men were readying as I helped Captain Robert put on his breastplate. The skies were grey; perhaps it was an omen we should have listened to. By dawn, the boom of the drums could be heard over the sound of the distressed. The battle was starting, and the vanguard was sent out. I was terrified, and others were too. Even King Barris had come to plead for a retreat from the Shadow Children. He was escorted by his lovely wife, Brienne, her brunette hair blowing in the stormy wind.

The captain ordered me to leave his tent, but from even there I heard the king scream. ‘Fine then! Die out here, but I am taking my people to the tunnels!’ he had said, only to come out red-faced. The captain came out not long after, fully armored. He told me I was free to go, but I had refused. I believed the white armored Children could still rescue us. The ambush was still possible.

After what felt like an eternity, our last remaining forces were being slaughtered. I hid in a small hole that was made as a trap. It had a board and covered in leaves and grass. It was a wonder I was able to support myself on the muddy walls, not falling on the spikes. I watched as an executioner raised an axe. It was held up right above the head of my Captain. But God was on our side, and a horn went off. Then another. Captain Robert smiled, it looked like, as his head was lopped off. The next second the executioner fell backwards, and I could see the white feather fletched arrows protruding from his belly. The Children of Light saved us, and gave us our lives for theirs.”

Nathan was enthralled. His eyes were wide, and he didn’t realize he was holding his breath. But before he could continue, the door swung open violently, and he was blinded by the bright light. After his eyes adjusted, his mother grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him again. Her fury was much stronger than his defiance, and he could not get away. He walked with her instead of resisting, and taking The Genesis as he did.

 

[Myriadviper42]

That was a lot better, which is saying something because the first try wasn't bad! It's considerably more detailed and more...what's the word what's the word colorful? Good work.