General Art The Mechanical People

[Doc]

Hello all,

I recently got the urge to write a sci-fi story. For those of you reading my other story, The Newcomer, don't fret, I still intend to update that, just have this as a sort of side project that I am working on. I hope you enjoy this robot dystopian world.

Spoiler

My eyes slid open as the wire plugged into my chest detached itself. The wire was pulled away automatically back into the Battery where it would wait for the next Mechanic to use. I zipped my wool skin shut to cover the cavity. Mechanics were one of the few droids who required a fabric covering. Our infrastructures were made to be light and thin, so it was difficult for us to maintain our form. The only parts uncovered were our hands and eyes.

I walked my way through the other Mechanics, some waking up just as I was and others still powered down. All based off the same design, yet all different in one way or another. I found a screen and my metallic fingers waved over it. A green light beamed up and scanned the palm of my hand. It read the etching that was sculpted in: a small triangle followed by a number.

"Delta-12, the repair docks are empty and fully staffed. You may power back down," the screen answered in a monotone voice. Many others would have accepted this suggestion and returned to the Battery. I tend to choose a different course, inputting a destination in the keypad and looking about the city. I bent forward and typed in "The Factory."

A door opened wide to a glass chamber. I stepped into it and the door closed behind me. The chamber creaked slowly and then took off over the city, leaving behind the Mechanic Tower. The view was brighter in there compared to the bleak and dim Tower. There were hundreds of towers, but they didn't house every droid. There were fields, I knew, far outside the city limits where solar-powered droids would power down.

I glanced about the city below me. The only thing to stand out was the grey or dark metal. The only other colors seemed to be beige clothed droids walking about the streets. I never walk the streets, they are not my place. I belong at the Garage or the Mechanic Tower, and am allowed to the Factory.

The glass chamber came to a halt and the door slid open once more. The sounds of metal screeching and blow torches are the first things I heard. A humanoid droid covered in a cloth skin, yet still dressed in a long robe, faced away from me. The door slid closed and the droid before me turned around to see the visitor.

"Delta. It is good to see you. If my memory bank serves correct, this is your tenth visit this month. Perhaps I should recommend you to be a Mechanic to the Manufacturer. These days, it seems to struggle so often." The drone placed his rusted hand on my shoulder. I nodded slowly. Alpha-27 was one of the oldest machines. He was an Alpha after all.

I looked up past the platform we stood on at the greatest mechanism ever invented. Tendrils and bionic arms came down from a scaffolding, all equipped for a different purpose. At the edge of the platform, a murky liquid sat silently, blocking the path to the opposite platform. There was once a time when a droid would have to climb atop the Manufacturer and use it as a bridge. Now we have to catwalks to adjoin the platforms to avoid the dark waters. I looked back to the Manufacturer and saw that the conveyor belt within it was moving and the tools were selecting pieces and attaching them together.

"Ah, how magnificent the Manufacturer is. They say a god created it. I don't think so, I think the Manufacturer has always existed. Ever since the dawn of time," Alpha said quietly behind me. "I need to go prepare our new arrival. Wait for me here." Alpha hurried off to another platform and stood at the end of the conveyor belt. When I looked back to the Manufacturer, its new creation was nearing completion.

It was hard wiring the disk inside of the creation's mind and then spun cloth around it. The large round eyes of it flashed open and the droid began to look back and forth. The Manufacturer pulled up the new arrival's hand and etched a design into it. The conveyor belt brought design forward to face Alpha.

"Welcome," the old robot began before consulting the screen erected beside him, "Carthadian-8." I nearly chuckled silently had it been possible for me to. The Carthadian year was near done, yet the Manufacturer had only built eight droids. "For what purpose have you been invented?"

Carthadian-8 struggled to speak, yet found no voice. Alpha only shook his head.

"My apologies. It appears as though you have been given no voice box. No worries, many are not given that instrument. You can simply type your words onto this keyboard," Alpha said motioning to the screen beside him. Carthadian-8's fingers quickly typed words I was incapable to see. "So you are to be a Mortician. Very well. If you search your data banks, then you will find the directions imprinted there. Good luck."

The drone nodded before running off. He had no need to go far, the Mortician Tower was connected to the Factory, as was the Elder Tower and Guardian Tower. Although the Guardians had very little affiliation with the Factory, there original purpose was to protect it, but nowadays they protect the entire city.

"Delta," Alpha began walking back towards me. "Would you agree to accepting my offer, as an Elder Mechanic?" I nodded happily. The Elder Mechanic was given the job of repairing the Manufacturer every so often. Alpha was the one in charge of choosing any new Elders if the previous one had...been destroyed.

Almost on cue, the door slid open and the Morticians came through with a gurney. Carthadian-8 was not yet prepared to join them so I was not surprised when he wasn't present. They walked slowly in formation down a catwalk to the beginning of the conveyor belt. Against the wall there, a furnace was built, an enormous one. On the gurney, I noticed the droid I recognized as York-2. Every Mechanic knew who he was. The last Elder Mechanic. The Morticians swept up the torn and dismembered scrap metal and tossed York into the furnace for his metal to be used in future creations.

Alpha noticed the look in my eyes. "York made a clumsy mistake and fell into one of the Manufacturer's gears. He lived a long life, Delta, as will you. Trust me, as Elder Mechanic, you will be happier than you have ever been."

With that, Alpha walked away to the furnace with the Morticians. It was his duty to change York's status or to change the Elder Mechanic. I wouldn't be starting on the Manufacturer for a while, so I went back to the glass chamber which then took me to the Garage. While I was at the Factory, a collapse happened beneath a building damaging a Titan and two Welkins.

"I believe a piece of scrap metal has lodged itself in my gears," the massive Titan explained to me. I jumped onto the Titan, a similar figure of me yet without a cloth skin and much larger, and searched throughout it until I found the cause. The droid was correct, but I felt myself rather fearful to dislodge the scrap. Is that what York-2 had been doing? It was a rookie mistake yet highly probable. I used a long magnetic staff to pull out the scrap as I supported myself within the crevice. As I was crawling out it dawned on me that had it been Mechanic or a Mortician or even a Builder that was crushed by debris, there would be nothing to fix us. The Mechanics only fix the gargantuans.

Please share any thoughts or criticisms.

 

[Ganondork]

Definitely an interesting start. I really love the direction of us, as well as your concise explanations of the various duties of the different droids. I also found it interesting how you have given them pseudo-emotions, given certain character inflections, yet not the ability to laugh. I also think that your use of first-person is interesting, though I would have picked omniscient third-person. It would certainly be a shame if you didn't use the first-person aspect to give Delta more emotion than one would expect from a robot.

Now for my critique. While you did a great job at describing the events of the characters, you definitely could have described more of the environment. You say it is a robotic dystopia, and I'd be interested for you to make small foreshadowing of how people have seemingly disappeared through your descriptions of the environment. If you ever read the short story, Through the Waters of Babylon, you'll notice its subtle implications of mass-destruction via the use of atomic bomb. If you describe it through the environment, then you can entirely bypass unnecessary explanation through dialogue. As a side note, I was very appreciative of the fact that you used dialogue sparingly, instead of coating the entire chapter in it.

Certainly a strong start. Looking forward to more.

 

[Raindrop14]

This was good, I really enjoyed it. Its rare to see any Sci-fi here on ZD (mainly because Zelda isn't Sci-fi), and I really enjoy Sci-fi, I think it can have more diversity. Anyway, this was really interesting, however I'd like to note two things.

I glanced about the city about me....

The two abouts irked me, and that sentence could have been changed to avoid that.

Also when Alpha is telling Delta that

...be happier than you have ever been."

That irked me too, because earlier you said

I nearly chuckled silently had it been possible for me to.

which to me indicated no emotion in the robots. So there was a little contradiction there I think. Then again maybe there's something else with that, I don't know, that's just my thought.

But overall I really liked this, the writing got a lot better as this part went on (towards the beginning it could use some minor work in delivery). I look forward to more of this story, I really enjoy it! ^^

 

[Doc]

I apologize about the two "abouts", however, the chuckle is not about no emotion. It is regarding another matter entirely, and one that should be explained in this update. Please enjoy and I would appreciate any advice or thoughts on this.

Spoiler

The Carthadian year officially ended today. Since Carthadian-8, I watched the creation of Carthadian-9 and Carthadian-10. This has been the least amount ever created in a year. The average was usually around twenty-five in a year. Alpha told me it was just the Manufacturer maintaining the balance. An over-abundance would mean we would fall into an energy shortage.

I trusted his word. Alpha was High Elder and became my close friend. Today, the Assembly came together. Now that I was an Elder, it was my duty to attend. The giant Titans and massive Welkins were not a part of the Assembly. They could fit into the massive factory, but would never be able to squeeze into the Elder Tower.

"Now, let's get down to business!" The old robot announced, his frayed cloth skin shaking with his movements. But his skin looked better than my re-sewn and oil stained one. The others listened quietly for what he had to say. "I would like to begin with introducing our new Elder Mechanic, Delta-12."

"Alpha, we have to consider the probabilities that the Manufacturer's lack of progress is an issue," said the droid covered in a black hood, the symbol of a Mortician. "The change is not due to over population. The same number of droids on the street are powering down permanently as they always have."

Alpha turned to Devonian-22. "Do you suggest that the Manufacturer is breaking?"

"I do not hold this information. Only the Elder Mechanic would know of any breaks in the Manufacturer." Devonian-22 turned to me. "Have you detected any issues?"

I looked at them nervously. There was no keyboard nearby me.

"Well, Delta-12, have there been any issues?" Devonian repeated. I motioned towards my open mouth to try to explain. Alpha saved me.

"Delta-12 is a Silent," he told the Mortician.

"A Silent? Alpha, the Assembly is not a place for a Silent. How is he to give input without a voice?" Gamma-4 spoke up, the Elder Tailor. He was created without a fabric skin, but in his hollow torso was a machine that could turn thread into cloth. It was quite an odd sight. I was glad the torso hid it.

"Relax, Brothers. I do not choose the Elders for the Assembly, they are chosen for the Manufacturer. Delta-12, nod or shake your head if you had seen any issues lately."

I hesitated a moment. I saw something that may have been an issue. I am not sure. It is difficult for me to check on the Manufacturer. It is bigger than a Titan, which are giant humanoids. The Manufacturer's programming disk's panel was open. It may have been tampered with by some hay-wire droid that evaded the Guardians.

The Manufacturer's programming reset every year to prevent this from occuring though. By midnight tonight, any tamperings would have been wiped away. I shook my head to gesture "no."

"Then it would appear that the Manufacturer's lack of progress was just a random instance. Perhaps in the next year, in the Neric year, we shall see a rise in productivity," Alpha assured. "Any who believe that there is an issue, please address it now. If nobody else has input, let us continue."

***

After the Assembly came to an end, I went to the Factory. I was charging before the meeting, so power was not an issue. I grabbed my magnetic staff and climbed up to the mess that was the scaffolding of the Manufacturer. It was darker now, the sun set and the moonlight shone very dimly through the windows.

The Manufacturer looked dead. Its arms and tools all lying limp, awaiting the arrival of Neric-1. With the reset soon, there was no need for anyone to be near the machine. At other times, one might see a Guardian marching through.

When I got up to the top, I looked up above. The Manufacturer was high off the ground, but there was still much more space to the ceiling. I looked back down and continued on forward. I didn't even know why I was up there. I planned on watching the timer go down, but I knew that there was a second timer within the monitor on the platform.

I examined my way slowly. The Manufacturer's scaffolding was not created to be walked on, it was composed of metal poles welded together to support the Manufacturer. It was rather simple for a droid to slip through the spaces between the slick metal. I came up to the panel and placed the staff down. I hefted the panel upward and forced it until it was propped up.

Picking up the staff, I took a closer look inside at the circuit board. The small timer was stuck inside by two strange fabrics, one would stick to the other. It bewildered me how the fabric could attach to each other.

In silence, I watched as the numbers dropped. 01:12...01:11...01:10. Each second counting down slowly. 00:58...00:57...00:56. The Carthadian year was coming to an end...until the unbelievable happened.

The bright lights above me flashed on, blinding me momentarily. I looked down to hide them from the lighting, where I saw the conveyor belt moving. The arms of the Manufacturer came to life and began moving, some that were lying dormant on top of the scaffolding were flailing around. The sudden movement shook the machine, knocking down the propped up panel.

I dove out of the way as it slammed down, and snatched up my staff. No droid was meant to be on the Manufacturer while it was building. But this never occurred because there was always a twenty-four hour warning. I nearly fell through the scaffolding before I caught myself.

I tried to see the new creation, but it was gone from my point of view. Regaining my balance, I ran forward to the platform where the new creation would arrive. I stepped on the top of an arm as it raised to modify the creation. It flung my body to the side and I felt myself fly through the air.

I am going to end up like York, I thought. I am going to fly into the dark waters and die like York. When I looked up, the catwalk connecting the two ends of the Factory was coming at me. I reached my arm out and hoped to catch it. It was so close, though. My fingers brushed the edge of the catwalk. Instinct took over and I threw my staff up above me. The magnetic pole latched onto the structure and supported me. When I looked down, the tip of my metal foot was touching the water.

As I stood up, the catwalk jerked. I nearly fell once again, but found myself running.

I paused once I reached the solid platform. The conveyor belt had stopped, so I had to go and greet Carthadian-11. I saw the creation lifeless and dull. It was not looking about in wonderment like most, or examining its body. It was just dead. Perhaps my presence had disrupted the building of it. The cloth was pure and grey, compared to most beige ones.

Alpha-27 came charging in through the door connecting to the Elder Tower. "What is the meaning of this!? Delta!? What are you doing here?"

I motioned to the conveyor belt, only to notice that the new creation was gone. Frantically, I looked back and forth. I couldn't explain the sudden arrival without the droid.

"Delta! You have been tampering with the Manufacturer! You are the reason of the slow productivity, aren't you!? That is a charge punishable by death!" In reply I was silent, the only sound was the beeping of the screen, vocalizing the reset. "Guardians!" Alpha shouted.

Two droids came running in. They were larger than most droids, and carried small guns that shot a harpoon. Once it was inside you, the harpoon would be reeled back to the gun.

"I sentence this robot to death! I am sorry, Delta, but I will not allow a rogue in my midst." The Guardians grabbed me and pulled me across the water on the catwalk opposite the one I used moments earlier. I struggled, but their grasp was too much for me. They were going to throw me in the furnace, I realized.

Alpha pressed a button, releasing the door. The eternal fire burned brightly as I was brought closer to it. "Delta-12, for your actions against the Manufacturer, you are hereby executed for your foolish and treasonous actions. We only hope your par-"

He was interrupted by the lights flicking back off, the only illumination now coming from the fires of the furnace. It was silent now, and the Guardians ceased to push me forward. One of them made a sound as he disappeared into the shadows.

"Delta is the cause of this! Kill him now!" Alpha shouted. I couldn't believe that he was the kindly man I had once known. The Guardian turned to shoot his harpoon through me before one protruded out of his torso. The Guardian was jerked away into darkness. The High Elder turned to me and shoved me backwards into the furnace. My fingers grasped the side of the opening and refused to let go. Alpha continued his efforts and pushed down at my neck to push me into the hell-fire.

I struggled to find the words to tell him to stop. I grasped the ledge, refusing to fall into the hell-fire. "Stop," someone who wasn't me said coldly. I felt Alpha's hand loosen as he was struck with fear. I quickly got into a stable stance and watched the old robot turn around.

"This robot is charged with harming the Ma-" Alpha began. A long weapon was swung and I looked down at Alpha's head, oil spilling out of it on the ground. His body collapsed forward and frightened, I looked up at the killer.

The grey droid stood before me, holding a weapon composed of a pole and a long knife. I have no idea where it got it. "Where are the humans?" it asked.

I was confused. The words were unfamiliar. What was a human?

"Don't make me ask again. You are with the humans, correct?" the droid asked again, in a very high-pitched voice. I motioned to my mouth to explain. The new droid understood and scoffed at me. By this point, I was certain the droid was feminine.

"Can you tell me your name?" the droid asked this time, slightly more sympathetic and kind yet still hinted with scorn.

I held up my hand for her, showing the triangle and number. She studied me for a moment as she tried to decipher the meaning. "Delta-12?" I nodded. "Come with me then. You are going to show me the way out of the city," she explained already walking off.

I held my hand up for her to stop, then motioned to it. I figured she wasn't Carhadian-11, and was certain she wasn't Neric

 

[Ganondork]

...would no of any breaks in the Manufacturer.

I think you know this mistake.

"Than it would appear that the Manufacturer's lack of progress was just a random instance...

Again, a silly mistake.

I nearly fell through the scaffolding before I ca

I don't really know what this was supposed to mean.

Other than those silly mistakes, it was a very interesting chapter. So my initial idea that all humans were dead was incorrect. I'm very interested to see where they have been this entire time, as well as what direction you plan to take this story. I think your biggest issue is that you seem to rush when writing. If you fix some of this simple mistakes, and work on adding more detail, your work will be fantastic.

 

[Doc]

Spoiler

I approached the screen by the door that would control the glass chamber. It scanned my hand and the monitor flicked to life. "Delta-12," the monitor began, "I am sorry to say you are incapable of leaving. Elders are forbidden to leave the Factory or Tower. Please continue your work." The screen shut off almost as quick as it turned on. The words echoed in my head. Forbidden to leave? This was not a policy I was aware existed.

I reactivated the monitor, assuming it was just a malfunction. The screen flashed on once more and repeated the message again. I looked over to Leta and motioned for her to approach. I grabbed her wrist and used her hand to scan. The door slid open and the glass chamber was awaiting us. Having no idea where to go, I typed "The Garage."

I felt rather proud of myself for getting the panel to work. The system was made to prevent me from leaving, apparently. With that thought, I felt fearful once more. This time I had actually broken the law, and it would be difficult to explain this. But I am being forced to under my will..."Hurry up!" Leta called, stealing me from my thoughts.

The glass chamber shifted under my weight and a light bulb on the roof of the contraption lit up. The chamber took off as I examined the city once more. I rarely get to see it in the night. Bright lights shined off far into the distance, and the great buildings on the other side of the city seemed to stand almost as tall as the clouds. That was where the Garage was at, the large buildings designed for Titans and the higher perches for the Welkins.

Even the Factory looked beautiful in the moonlight. It was the largest building in the area, and very bright. When I glanced at he ground below us and surrounding the Factory, I saw no lights. It made me almost sad to see the black hole beneath the greatest building ever known.

I had barely noticed the chamber stopped. We couldn't have been at the Garage yet, I knew that it takes much longer than that. It may have been a while since my trip to it, but I saw no sign of the great buildings nearby.

"What is going on?" Leta asked, readying her weapon. When I shrugged, she put the blade of the knife against my throat. "Tell me what is going on!" she demanded. Her anger and mistrust was interrupted by the flash of a light. I tried to see the source but could not quite make it out.
"This Elevator is carrying more droids than were permitted and is carrying an unregistered droid. Identify yourselves or be destroyed," a voice said. I attempted to say something, but it came out as a squeak.

Leta grimaced and pointed out her weapon. "What you gonna do about it!? You want me, you gonna have to destroy me, you stupid machine!"

"Very well," the voice said, before the light disappeared. I crouched in the corner and began frantically looking around for the oncoming threat. I looked all around and above but saw nothing. Then I looked down.

Two glowing orbs of light were rising quickly. I stared at it in horror while Leta seemed to not have seen them. As it neared, I could make out the silhouette of the Welkin. Its fabric wings flapping and spindly body shifting in nearly impossible ways. The wings were most of its weight, necessary to carry the large body. I banged on the glass to divert Leta's attention.

When I looked to her, she was busy looking at something else. The hook that attached the Elevator to the cable was slowly releasing itself. They were going to drop us on to the Welkin. I prepared to fall by returning to my corner.

The drop lasted a second but felt a million. The world slowed down as my body lurched and was floated momentarily. I grabbed my staff and attached it to the metal frame of the chamber.

The catch was even worse. I was thrown to the ground and the walls cracked slightly. I looked up at the Welkin carrying us; it was twice the size of the chamber. They tended to be smaller than a Titan but still rather large.

Leta took out her weapon and slammed the butt of the pole into the ceiling of the chamber. The glass shattered everywhere and cut into my fabric. "What do you think you are doing, you stupid girl!?" the Welkin asked. "You are being brought to justice."

"You are gonna have to destroy us! This chamber contains Delta-12, the criminal, and I, Leta of the Humans! We will never stop fighting for freedom." Wait...did she just call me a criminal. She thinks I am a criminal, she saw me being executed for fighting for freedom. But we are already free!?

"Don't know what you are talking about. Never heard of no 'Leta of the Humans'" the Welkin said bluntly. Leta hopped out of the chamber and stood on the roof of it. Her long pole with her duct taped knife reflected the moon brightly.

"It is a name the world will know now!" she shouted before swing the knife slicing through the Welkin's wings. It tottered in the air for a moment before it began to crash down. Leta dropped back into the chamber and got in a corner such as I. "Get ready."

The ground approached quickly and soon we were sucked up by the black hole.

***
My eyes slid open and focused themselves. It was still dark out, but the sky was beginning to turn a deep shade of pink. I saw Leta pushing herself up out of the wreckage and then continued to study the rest of the mess. I felt a pang of pain when I saw the Welkin. Its wings were bent and mishapen, the body crunched together and somehow were in front of the head.

The only sound coming from it was a small hum. I stared at it as the eyes dimmed and the hum faded into silence.

"C'mon. We have to get out of here. More will be coming," Leta announced grabbing her weapon. She ran off, leaving me alone with the metal carcass. I checked my energy level, only a little was missing, but I had no clue when my next chance to charge was. I reached into the corpse and pulled out a wire. I plugged it into my outlet and let energy surge through. "Delta! C'mon."

Startled, I threw the wire to the ground and followed her to an alley.

"We rest here, preserve power. Once the sun is higher, you can get me out of this mechanical hell."

 

[Sheik]

Dr. This is awesooome!!
Leta is such a badass.