Zelda Art The Legend of Zelda: Darkness Ascending

[Egregious]

Author's Note

Before I begin I just want to go over a few things.

What are my goals with this project?

Entertainment and self expression. I love to write, and I love the Legend of Zelda games that have played. It is only natural that I combine the two. If I can also provide any entertainment value to others, that would be great!

This project is just for fun. I love an opportunity to practice my skills out – as a college student focusing in the humanities, I have to write a lot anyway, so being able to write something that is “just for fun” is enjoyable for me.

Posting on a forum is a way for me to share it with others as I write it. It is also to help me hold myself accountable to keep working on it. If I know that others want updates, I will definitely feel more motivated to keep up with it!

How often will I update it?

I plan to have updates every 3 days or so – this may change depending on how busy I am this semester. Even if I am not able to write large updates, I will try to adhere to this schedule such that even if I haven’t written a whole lot, I will still post it to show that I haven’t forgotten about it.

I know that a lot of fanfics start but never finish. I’m also new and largely irrelevant around here – which is fine, I knew what I was getting into. You’ll just have to take my word for it that I am very interested in seeing this project through. If you don’t believe me, that’s fine. The onus is on me to show that I regularly update this project.

What sort of content might there be?

This isn’t 100% decided yet. I can’t tell you for sure since I haven’t written it yet. It will be an ongoing project yet. However, I am full of ideas. This will be a Legend of Zelda based project, so expect to see some familiar faces, locations, and plot devices. Another note, for full disclosure, is that I am gay. This is not to say that all the characters will be gaying it up at all time. I’m just going to say that there will probably be same-gender attraction/romance appearing in this work. If this is something that bothers you, I understand – this is why I am giving you fair warning. No one is forcing you to read it.

The goal of this is NOT to be canonical with the Legend of Zelda series. I don’t really care about trying to fit this fanfic into a timeline, or whatever. If you prefer to think of it as a Termina-esque parallel dimension to Hyrule, that’s probably for the best. That’s pretty much how I think of it anyway. With this iteration of Hyrule I hope to blend the fantasy elements of the series with a more nuanced plot. Will it actually succeed? I guess we’ll see. But what you won’t be seeing is cardboard characters that are all good or all evil. I hope to humanize things more. This Link certainly isn’t the eternally silent, perfectly courageous Link that you are used to playing as. That Link makes a great video game character, but as the protagonist of a written work it doesn’t really make sense.

I will bring in familiar characters from the five Legend of Zelda games I have played – Ocarina of Time, Majora’s Mask, Twilight Princess, A Link to the Past, and Skyward Sword. I will also bring in characters of my own invention.

Finally, I like to work with images as well, so there could be some multimedia moments in this if I’m feeling enterprising. For example, the overworld map and regional information about the fanfic have already been posted.

What is the inspiration for this?

I have always wanted to write my own Legend of Zelda game. The games are a great medium for storytelling and entertainment. For copyright reasons and since I cannot program anyway, I obviously will not be creating a Legend of Zelda game. However, I like to write, so I don’t see why I can’t make my game ideas into a fanfic Obviously, writing and games are different. I can’t exactly make puzzles for the reader to solve, can I? Instead, I will focus more on character and plot than a game would. If I had the power to design a Legend of Zelda game, this is the world it would take place in.

What will be the format of the work?

I will be writing from a third-person limited perspective. However, I will alternate which characters I focus on in each section. This basically means that I will be posting a third-person perspective for each character (for example, Link). So for Link sections of the story, I will narrate with access to Link’s thoughts and feelings, but not any other characters. For Zelda sections, I will narrate with access to Zelda’s thoughts and feelings, but not any others. And so on. I’m sure it will make more sense than how I am explaining it!

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THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: DARKNESS ASCENDING

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1. LINK - CASTLE TOWN


“Link, wake up!”

A single eye flickered open. For a moment, Link was blinded by the midmorning sun filtering through the grimy western window. He blinked a few times, temporarily paralyzed by the suddenness with which he had been expelled from the comfort of sleep. After analyzing the situation, he felt that the best course of action would be to continue sleeping. But that voice…

“You are the worst!” came the shrill voice from behind his wooden door. Someone was outside, and they were hitting the delivery bell repeatedly.

Link let a long, slow sigh escape his lips. There was no way he could continue sleeping with this obnoxious racket. For a few confusing moments, he flailed about, trying to simultaneously dress and walk toward the door. Neither of these were very successful, as Link crashed to the floor.

“What is going on in there?” the woman’s voice came screeching, piercing the wooden door with ease. “I am on a SCHEDULE here!”

Link got up and decided just to wrap himself up in a sheet. Just so she would stop ringing the damn bell, and quit shouting at him.

He cracked open the door, blinking in the sunlight. He did not have to for long, as the woman outside shoved a scroll into his face.

“You have been SUMMONED!” she shrieked. Did she have to announce it to the entire town? He was standing right there. “You must go,” here the woman got distracted. “You look terrible!”

Link became very conscious of the stubble on his chin, and the oily lanky mess of his blonde hair. And the fact that his half-sleeping brain had determined that it was socially acceptable to open the door wearing a sheet.

“Summoned?” Link asked. He had decided to ignore Tarna’s commentary about his presentation. “By whom? Why?”

“You have been SUMMONED!” Tarna screeched. Link closed his eyes for a moment, willing himself not to loudly and unfavorably compare her face to shriveled dodongo excrement.

“Yes, you already said that,” Link said, with as much coolness as he could muster. He quickly took the scroll out of her hands with his free hand.

“The message has been delivered!” Tarna shouted. Link could here someone laughing a few doors down. It was probably Colin, he figured. “I have other things to do!”

Tarna practically pranced away with her satchel filled with deliveries. Off to yell at some other unfortunate recipient of Castle Town mail, no doubt. Link didn’t understand why people in this town couldn’t simply deliver messages in person to avoid this. Surely he was not the only one who hated being awoken by that insufferable bell?

“I ought to just get rid of it,” Link whispered to himself, closing the door and retreating in to the relatively dim room that he called home.

He tossed the scroll aside for the moment. While Tarna felt that a message of summons was the top priority of the day, Link had other plans. The first thing he had planned was to put on a proper outfit. Wherever he was going, he could not reasonably leave unshaven, grimy, and wearing a sheet.

As he donned his dull green tunic, Link wondered who would be summoning him. It was probably Marc, his employer and the owner of the General Goods store in the Market District of Castle Town. Marc often threatened to fire Link for his laziness, but Link could see right through this. If Marc could afford a better employee than Link, Link would have been out of a job for a while now.

More than likely, Marc had received a shipment that had been problematic. Just last week, someone had sent a bunch of fairies in an unlabeled box - as soon as it was opened, the fairies had trashed the place, bouncing off the fixtures and knocking bottled bugs and fish off the shelves in their bid for freedom.

As Link pulled on his worn leather boots, he hoped that it wasn’t another delivery to Lon Lon Enterprises. There was a limit to how willing he was to be prodded by their ridiculous security probes.

Curiosity getting the better of him, Link finally unrolled the scroll and read it.

Link stared at the note. What? Link read it again.

This couldn’t be serious. Was that really… ?

He touched the hastily scrawled signature. It was hardly the work of a master scribe, but surely Agahnim had things on his mind other than decorating the order of summons of a trader’s assistant with calligraphic art.

Agahnim, the Royal Sorcerer of Hyrule Castle wanted him for something. This couldn’t be good, could it? Link wracked his mind, trying to think if he had done something illegal recently. Certainly nothing that would warrant the involvement of someone this important. Plus, he would have just been arrested.

“Your presence is expected…” Link repeated aloud, “at Middin.” Wait…

Link looked over at the rusted mechanical timepiece on the shelf near his bed. The face of the clock was simple - it was divided into three equal sections, each color-coded with a crude carving of each goddess. A blue section for Nayru, a green one for Farore.

But the small sliver of metal indicating the time was not pointing at either of these goddesses. Instead it pointed to Din. About a third of Din had already passed.

Link dropped the scroll in panic. Surely there was a mistake! His presence was required almost immediately, and there was simply no way that he was ready to appear in front of the royal sorcerer. He hadn’t even gotten around to shaving yet!

Quickly, Link kicked off the worn boots that he had just put on. He had a pair of boots that were somewhat less shabby, that he saved for special occasions. He also switched out his tunic for another - one that was a brighter green, less faded and grimy. There just wasn’t time to prepare, or to figure out why he had been summoned.

“Regarding: Confidential” he whispered, as he doused his face with water, hacking away at the dirty-blonde stubble with a dull shaving dagger. “Damn!” he swore, as a bead of blood appeared on his right cheek. He washed it away, but a small drip of blood continued to seep out. Why hadn’t he been given more notice? What could possibly require his immediate presence?

“I’m a nobody,” Link thought, as he rinsed his face once more. There was nothing to be about his hair, he just hoped Agahnim wasn’t too picky. “Your presentation should reflect the standards of conduct at Hyrule Castle,” Link reminded himself. Well, there was only so much he could do at this point.

Link grabbed his satchel and quickly headed out the front door. For a few moments he fumbled with the rusty key, but once the door was locked, he set a brisk pace toward the castle entrance.

Update Schedule


This was a fairly short entry since I had to write the whole author's note section as well. Feel free to look over the overworld map and regional information if you really have nothing better to do. Since I haven't started class yet I should be able to make a larger update at some point tomorrow.
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[Egregious]

2. AGAHNIM - HYRULE CASTLE


“This isn’t funny, Agahnim,” Queen Regent Jo said. Her eyes, filled with madness, were focused, unblinking, on Agahnim’s.

“I didn’t mean to make light of the situation - your regency,” Agahnim hastily replied. It looked as though the madness behind Jo’s eyes could spill over at any moment. Agahnim thought at that moment that Queen Regent Jo could probably stare down a Beamos and win.

“That thing, it belonged to Meg the Usurper!” Here, Jo turned her head and spat, as though Meg’s name had left a foul taste in her mouth. “You can’t just hand it away to some… that…”

“What?” Agahnim asked. “Your regency,” he added quickly.

“Who was it that it is to be delivered to again?” Jo asked. She seemed to be temporarily distracted from chewing Agahnim out. He was only too happy to move the subject from his poorly executed joke to really, anything else.

“Link,” Agahnim read. “He’s an assistant who works in a general goods store. He lives in one of the smallest homes in the Northeast District of Castle Town.

“Who?” Jo asked again.

“I said…” Agahnim began.

“That was my point,” Jo snapped. “Who? This ‘Link’ has no business with artifacts belonging to the royal family, even if is Meg the Usurper!” Here, she spat on the floor again. Agahnim really wished she would stop visiting his chamber and making such a mess every time she wanted to talk about her deceased sister.

“As I said,” Agahnim continued, “It doesn’t really appear to be… anything. Nothing I did to the orb elicited any sort of response. It couldn’t be melted, shattered, frozen, electrified… or anything. It does not appear to well… DO anything.”

“Meg the Usurper,” Jo began, spitting again to Agahnim’s displeasure, “was a powerful sorceress in life. Do you really think she would make something unbreakable that was completely useless?”

“Maybe she just wanted to prevent parchment from flying off her desk?” Agahnim suggested. Jo glowered at him. “Your regency,” he added drily.

“You’re really going to just deliver this to this… Link?” Jo asked. “This is an outrage!”

“I am doing nothing more than following the law,” Agahnim explained. “This object has displayed no suspicious or objectionable behavior whatsoever.”

“I AM the law!” Jo shouted.

“Of course you are, your regency,” Agahnim said coolly. He enjoyed pushing her buttons, but now was not the time to put her over the edge. “What alternative course of action do you suggest?”

“Have this person summoned,” Jo said. “And interrogate him. Look for any connections to Meg…”

Agahnim closed his eyes and winced.

“… The Usurper!” Jo finished. Agahnim heard another gob of saliva land on the polished stone floor.

“Understood, your regency,” Agahnim said. “Is there anything else you need?”

“A drink,” Jo muttered. She turned away and left the room quickly, her boots clopping loudly against the floor.

Jo thought that she needed a drink? Agahnim sat at his desk, mulling over the conversation. He was expected to summon and interrogate some store assistant?

“I’m a sorcerer, not a guard,” Agahnim muttered. He picked the orb up off his desk. It was perfectly clear, its surface umblemished. He turned it over and over in his hands, but it was completely featureless. Unremarkable.

Agahnim had been so sure that there was something more to this orb. It was the perfect disguise - it looked important enough not to be thrown away, but not nearly dangerous or interesting enough to be put on lockdown. Despite this, nothing Agahnim had done would reveal the orb’s secrets?

“What are you?” he asked. The orb’s smooth surface did not even mist up from his breath, let alone respond.

Agahnim set the orb aside, writing up the order of summons - best to make it look as official as possible. Not that Link would have any idea what was going on, Agahnim thought. He then rang the gold bell situated on his desk. It let out a joyful clinking - loud but unthreatening. He didn’t want people to dread coming to his chamber, after all. A deku baba lured its prey with a sickly sweet scent - if its aroma matched its character, it would never get anything to eat.

“Yes, Master Agahnim?” came a timid voice. Agahnim raised his eyes to see a small blonde woman standing before him, ready to be instructed.

“Zelda, please take this to the Post Office. It should be delivered quickly and without interruption,” Agahnim instructed. “Wait a moment…” He hastily inked up a quill pen and scrawled his signature across the scroll to make it official, rolling and tying the scroll with quick, practiced hands.

“Of course, sir,” Zelda replied. She took the scroll and quickly left the room. Unlike Jo, whose boots announced her presence from three doors down, Zelda moved swiftly and silently. It wouldn’t do, after all, to have the castle servants upstaging Jo’s moronic attempts at intimidation. Agahnim did not understand how she and her sisters had been able to stage such an effective coup, but there was nothing that could be done about it at this point.



Update Schedule


I intend to update again tomorrow... for what it's worth.
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[Egregious]

3. LINK - HYRULE CASTLE


Link tried to ignore the snickering, confused looks, and pointing as he dashed past, but he still felt himself blushing in embarrassment. Of course, it would have been faster if he could have simply gone through the Southeast District of Hyrule, but he did not have access to it. Instead, he had to walk around the entire castle, through the crowded market stalls and irritable shoppers.

There was simply no way, he thought, that he would be able to make it to the castle before middin. But he had been officially summoned, to be late would show disrespect to the summoner. Around the castle, respect was taken very seriously. Knowing this, Link redoubled his efforts, flitting around bands of busy people. Every so often he bumped into someone who was busy talking, carrying something, or rushing past on their own errands.

“Watch it!” grunted an older man as Link bumped into his shoulder. It was Barry, an employee of the Gorman Milk Shoppe. He held grudges. Before Barry had a chance to figure out who had run into him, Link had already disappeared into the next group of people.

By the time Link arrived at the castle gates, he was almost certain that it was already past Middin. He tried to run into the castle, but the guards were not impressed with this course of action.

“Halt!” one of them yelled in Link’s direction. She was scowling. “What business do you have in Hyrule Castle?”

“I’ve… been… summoned,” Link gasped. He waved the scroll, which the guard snatched from her hands.

“You’re late,” she snapped, thrusting the scroll back into Link’s hand with disgust. “And you look terrible.”

“I’m… sorry…” Link explained. “I… came… as…”

“Just go!” the guard interrupted. “You’ll find Agahnim in the chamber on…”

At the word “go,” Link had already run past the guard. He could feel her eyes boring into the back of his head as he ran. She was not amused by his demeanor.

Truth be told, Link didn’t even know where Agahnim’s chamber was. After entering the castle courtyard with its many entrances to the interior, he wished he had stayed a few moments longer to hear what the guard had to say.

“Can I… help you?” came a voice from Link’s side. Turning, he saw a young woman, dressed smartly in her gray servant’s uniform. Though the outfit was simple, it was unstained and in good condition. This woman clearly took pride in her work.

“I’ve… been… summoned… by… Agahnim…” Link sputtered, still trying to catch his breath. The woman tilted her head, eyes peering into his - as though Link was the most bizarre spectacle she had ever witnessed.

“This way,” she said curtly, walking briskly toward a northwestern door. Link quickly followed her, surprised with the speed and grace with which she walked. Once inside, he followed her around corners and through various hallways and chambers. If Link weren’t so busy worrying about being late, he would have realized that he was not going to be able to find his way out.

After a few minutes of walking, and a flight of stairs, the woman stopped near an elegant wooden door.

“Master Agahnim, your summons has arrived,” she announced, rapping her hand against the door.

“Finally!” came a voice from within. “Thank you, Zelda.”

“You may go in now,” Zelda said. Before Link could thank her, she had gone, moving on to other tasks. With a slight sense of foreboding, Link turned the polished door handle and entered the room.

“Link?” asked the voice. Link saw that the voice belonged to a middle-aged man dressed in dark blue robes. His hair, though mostly black, had silvery flecks of gray. “Please sit down.”

Link found that a chair had been prepared for him - simple, wooden, and elegant. Link noticed that several spots on the floor were wet, but felt that asking someone this important why there was so much spit on the floor was not a great course of action.

“Thank you, sir,” Link said. “I mean, Royal Adviser to the uh… Sorcerer of…”

“You can call me Agahnim,” the man replied coolly, cutting across Link’s babbling. “You are late,” he noted.

“I’m very sorry sir,” Link said, blushing. “I came as soon as I got the summons.”

“Do not worry,” Agahnim responded. “However, if you are ever summoned by one of the Regent Queens, you will regret being late.”

“I… okay,” Link finished lamely. He could feel Agahnim’s eyes peering deep into his own - must everyone have such judgmental expressions? It was as though Agahnim hoped to unlock secrets deep in his mind with his vision alone.

“I have summoned you here on behalf of the Regent Queens,” Agahnim explained. “I have summoned you because… someone has attempted to mail you a suspicious package.”

“I… what?” Link asked. “Do you usually deal with matters from the post office?”

“Link,” Agahnim continued. “I have very graciously condoned your lateness. However, your manners are very unbecoming. Do you have any idea who might mail you a package?”

“Well… no,” Link admitted. “I handle deliveries and packages for my job at the General Goods store, but none are for me. They are for Marc, the manager of the store. If anyone wanted to give me something, they would just give it to me, since postage is so expensive.”

“Evidently, this is not true of all of your contacts,” Agahnim replied. “You have been mailed… this.” Agahnim here brought out a wooden box. Engraved in the surface were the words “Link. Vinehome. Northeastern District.” “This was submitted anonymously to the post office approximately two nights ago, with the required amount of rupees.”

“Isn’t the post office closed at night?” Link asked. He looked at the box, wondering where this was all leading. “How did it get in there?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, it is,” Agahnim replied. “You have a keen attention for detail. The mystery surrounding this package is nearly absolute. It appeared overnight - none of the magical alarms were triggered. None of the postal workers ever saw anyone come or go. In the morning, it was there, as though it had just… appeared.”

“So, what’s in it?” Link asked, reaching for the cover of the box. Agahnim drew it back slightly, out of his reach.

“Not yet,” Agahnim said. Link withdrew his curious fingers. “I want to ask you first. What do you think is in here?”

“Um…” Link began. “Well the box isn’t so big, so it probably isn’t a shipment of LonLon milk. It could hold some sort of special delivery, maybe a bottle of blue fire? Given how… oh!”

“What is it?” Agahnim asked.

“Surely…” Link began, “I really hope it isn’t a package of Deku Leaves. That would explain…”

“Why you are in trouble?” Agahnim said. “Link, you are not in trouble. This is not about you committing any sort of crime, but rather getting to the bottom of an unexplained mystery. Open the box.”

“Okay,” Link said. He didn’t fully believe Agahnim, but the sorcerer had thus far treated him with respect, considering how much more important he was than Link. Agahnim pushed the box back toward link, who briefly ran his fingers along the rough engraving of his name before lifting the lid. Inside was… well that was the question, wasn’t it? “I mean no disrespect,” Link continued. “But what uh… is this?”

Link reached into the box and withdrew a perfect orb. It was completely translucent, its surface perfectly polished. It was completely unblemished, unmarked, and unreadable.

“What do you think it is?” Agahnim asked.

“I uh… have no idea,” Link said. “I really don’t. What is it?”

“Link, you misunderstand me,” Agahnim responded. “I’m not asking you this question to incriminate you. I am asking this question because I have absolutely no idea what this is.”

“So why ask me?” Link asked. “I work at a General Goods store. We deal in bugs, fish, fairies… nothing expensive or unusual. I do know a girl who works at the Curiosity Shop though, you could ask her?”

“Link… I am the most highly ranked sorcerer in Hyrule,” Agahnim said. “I have spent much of my waking time over the past two days trying to determine what this is. None of the literature has any mention of an object or material similar to this. It might as well be from the sky, but even the legends of floating cities have nothing even remotely similar to this. There are only two pieces of information regarding this object. The first is that you are intended to receive it. The second is that it once belonged to Meg the Usurper.”

“Meg the Usurper?” Link asked. He noticed that Agahnim flinched at the name, but wasn’t sure why. “But why would I get anything that belonged to her?”

“So you understand why this situation is so perplexing,” Agahnim said. “I have found nothing dangerous about the object, other than the fact that you could probably break some bones by dropping it on your foot. However, an artifact belonging to the royal family… it’s not something that should be in the postal system, especially considering the fact that no one knows who mailed it or why.”

“I really don’t know what to tell you,” Link said. “I have no clue what is going on here.”

“Well Link,” Agahnim said finally. “It is my opinion that this object is meant for you. Given the inexplicable circumstances surrounding this object, someone has chosen to mail it to you. However, I had the same reaction that you did. I believe that this object has magical properties. I do not know what they are, but I think that someone older and wiser might.”

“Who?” Link asked. “Who would know more than you?”

“Many people, I imagine,” laughed the sorcerer. “But one in particular stands out. I believe that the Deku Tree might know what this is. I want you to take this to the Deku Tree.”

“Take this…” Link began. “But I have to work! And it’s… well how would I even get there? The forest is so dangerous, I would never make it. Why don’t you take it yourself?”

“Link,” Agahnim replied. “I do not have time to go to Faron Woods. I am the chief adviser to the regent queens and the royal sorcerer - my time is constantly in demand.”

“I understand,” Link said. “But I’m barely hanging on to this job as it is, there is no way that Marc will…”

“A thousand rupees,” Agahnim said.

“…Let me…” Link trailed off. “What?”

“A thousand rupees,” Agahnim repeated, more firmly. He pulled out a bag of gems. “Five hundred up front, and five hundred when you return to me with information about this object.”

“That’s… insane,” Link replied. “A thousand rupees? But… why?”

“Of course,” Agahnim continued. “If you don’t feel up to the task…”

“I accept,” Link said quickly. “Is there anything I should know about the journey? How should I approach the uh… tree?”

“That’s the spirit!” Agahnim said with some amusement. “Look, I’ll just lend you this book.” Agahnim got up from his desk and moved over to one of the many bookshelves lining the walls. He pulled a particularly dusty volume off its shelf and returned. “A Traveler’s Guide to Faron,” Agahnim said. “Take good care of this. It’s my only copy.”

Link watched as Agahnim put the orb, the book, and five hundred rupees back into the box.

“Now if you’ll excuse me,” Agahnim continued. “I need to get some things done.” Link saw Agahnim look toward the wet spots on the floor, frowning. “You have a job to do, no? Get to it. May Farore watch over you.”

Link picked up the box; it was surprisingly light. He peered toward the sorcerer, but Agahnim’s eyes spilled no secrets to him.

“I’ll be on my way,” Link said, somewhat lamely. “Sir.”

Link turned and left the chamber. He could feel Agahnim’s eyes on him, long past his trip down the hallway and out of the castle. What had he done? And why was this sorcerer suddenly so interested in Link - who had done nothing of note during his entire life?


Update Schedule


Today was a much longer update. I'm really starting to get into this story; hopefully others will discover it as well. I should be able to update again tomorrow!
​

 

[Egregious]

4. HORUS - GERUDO DESERT

The world was shifting. Shimmering. Is this what it felt like to descend into madness?

At long last, escape. But then what? The desert was vast and hot. There was nothing; no path, just the endless ocean of sand dunes and the shimmering. The lies.

Horus felt his skin peeling in the heat. The desert sun, cooking the life out of him. Was it worth it, to escape? Was this freedom, after all? A world of torment, worse than he knew already?

Though the sand was unstable, constantly shifting and distorting, the sun was constant.

He was losing himself. His mind had been cooked, his body shredded by wind-whipped sands. It was as though someone else were moving his body forward - further into the great desert. With each motion, the sand scorched his flesh. But he couldn’t go back. He no longer had the will to change directions.

The guay were circling overhead. They were waiting for him to stop moving, to take the meal served by the wastes - fresh, hot, broken, ruined.

At first, Horus had been able to run. His prison shrinking on the horizon. But the sun was stealing his life, his sweat. When he couldn’t run, he walked. When he could no longer walk, he crawled.

With a last heave and a gasp, Horus rolled over a sand dune. Gravity tossed him down the slope - he turned end over end, unable to do anything but close his eyes as the desert burned each side, dizzying him more than the mirages could.

He would have cried, but there was nothing left - no water, no tears. Horus’s body came to rest in a small sandy pit. A desert grave.

This is it, he thought. This is where it ends. He looked up into the sky, blinded by the sun’s hatred. The guay were closer now, waiting to have their fill. Would they even wait for him to die?

Horus closed his eyes, but the sun only burned through his lids. Even though his body was motionless, his mind continued to tumble downward, caught in feverish agony.

When she appeared, he tried to crawl away. But there was nothing he could do. His arms would not respond. It was like his whole body was a slab of rotting meat, but his mind was still spinning. He willed for her to go away, to give him another chance.

“Please…” Horus said. He wasn’t sure if he had truly uttered the word - he could hear nothing but the flapping of wings and the mournful groans of the desert wind. She was leaning over him. Her face was beautiful, but stern. She appeared as a spirit, no more present than the mirages that had confounded Horus in his desperate bid for escape. “Please…”

Then she spoke.

“Your body, for me.” Was it a command? Horus didn’t understand what was happening. Who was she? What was she trying to do? He did nothing, staring up into her impassive eyes. After a few moments, she turned away.

“Wait… yes…” Horus gasped. The woman turned back toward him. Some of the guay had landed nearby, looking curiously toward the fallen man. They paid no attention to the woman - was she even real?

“Your mind, for me.” What could she want with him? He had nothing to give.

“For… you…” Horus promised. One guay began pecking at his leg, testing its flavor. Suddenly, the robes felt like they were nothing. What protection did they ever offer? The guay easily tore through.

“Your soul, for me.” But could he just sign it away like that? The guay ripped a chunk of flesh from his ankle. Horus wanted to scream, but he couldn’t draw enough air. More birds were approaching, ready for a feast.

“Take it!” Horus croaked. The woman might have smiled. Perhaps this was just his imagination, trying to rationalize his death. What if this was the fate of all who died? To exist in conscious awareness while their own body was destroyed by the elements, by nature, by time itself.

The woman reached for his left hand. With the very tip of her finger, she brushed against it.

“Dig,” she commanded. Suddenly, Horus felt the strength return to his arm. He flailed it about, causing the guay to move away from him in alarm. One dropped a piece of his skin to let out a surprised squawk.

Horus began to dig. For what? Was he simply to bury himself? At least then, the guay would not be able to torture him in his last moments.

Each handful of sand was a great effort for him. The woman watched him. What was she thinking? Did she wonder if he would survive? Was she laughing at his desperation? Did she feel sorry for him?

The sand was becoming darker. And it felt different. It felt… moist. Horus’s eyes betrayed this realization. The woman smiled, and turned away.

“Wait…” Horus whispered, but she was gone. He renewed his effort to dig. With each palmful of sand, it became a little darker. A little wetter.

The guay continued to circle above, waiting for him to return to his lifeless state. But Horus ignored them. The only force he could obey was thirst. He licked the warm sand, hoping to feel quenched. But it didn’t help.

Frustrated, Horus continued to dig deeper. The sand was beginning to melt away under his fingers. He felt his hand descend into the sand, as though he had just breached some sort of barrier.

And then it began to spill out.

Water.

It poured out of the hole, bursting toward the surface. Or was that Horus, falling into the depths of the desert? The sun shrank away into darkness. He felt his whole body encased in water, his dry skin soaking it up. He opened his mouth, and it filled with sand and water alike. His body retched, trying to expel the sand and water, but Horus wouldn’t let it. His ankle suddenly flared in pain as feeling returned.

As soon as the pain returned, it began to dull and disappear. His mind was beginning to return. The spinning slowed, being reduced to an uncomfortable sense of vertigo. And then, his mind cleared once more. Horus tried to make sense of what was happening around him, a pool of water rising to the brims of the sand banks.

And then he realized what he had found.

“Fairy Fountain,” Horus said. The guay, though thirsting for his flesh, had settled for bathing themselves in the newly-formed pool of water instead. “Then that woman was…”

“Found you!” came a shrill voice from above. Before Horus could even scramble to escape, the scorching heat of the sun had once again descended over him. And then, there was darkness.


Update Schedule


Hopefully I was able to convey the fevered, surreal tone I was going for. I'm sure the section could use some revision, but whatever. I should be able to update again tomorrow.
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[Guest_1]

Okay, I've had a chance to take a look at this. I didn't really see much wrong in the grammar or punctuation department, which is good. I noticed you use quite a few said bookisms, though. Remember this phrase always- "when in doubt, use said." What you had here wasn't bad, but when it's just one or two people talking, it is often better to omit the speaking verb entirely. Also, the paragraph centering- I find it rather distracting to read when every single paragraph is centered. While it's a stylistic gripe more than any else, it detracts from the reading, and the last thing you want your readers to do is get pulled out of your narrative.

Other than these issues, I thought it was an interesting story. You have a good beginning, and I can see this going in many different directions. Just keep what I said above in mind and this will be golden!