Zelda Art The Legend of Zelda: A Spirited Hero

[nicktheslayer]

Prologue:

Here it is! The start of my prologue. The start of an adventure, as enlightening and disheartening as it was. It had to be done. The day of the mailman's arrival, bringing such a welcomed curse. I can't believe that this happened, over a VIDEO GAME. Just one! And i had WON it! Such a bittersweet prize it was, allowing into the world that i had once dreamt of entering, and... Well, that should be saved for later. It isn't wise to tell the whole story before you even begin reading is it? Heh, no, that wasn't a Twilight Princess reference, but still, that should not have happened. Anyways, this is the start, of an engaging story, one that will be passed down for centuries, until it is almost forgotten, and pushed back into one dusty book in the back of some abandoned library, like every other Legend. The Legends of Zelda.

Chapter 1 - Awakening:

I awoke to the sound of a spring. Not remembering who i was, or where i came from. I sat up, and looked around. The lush green forest had grown so thick, it had blocked out most of the light of day, so much it almost seemed night. Glancing around, i saw many bugs, the water-bugs in the calm spring, the grass hoppers in the bushes, everything. It was beautiful. The trees shade making a serene green environment, it was peaceful. I know i should get up and leave, but I almost didn't want to. I stood up anyways. I heard the bushes shiver behind me. I turned around, and saw a small creature riding a horse coming at me at high speeds, it swung a club, and i was struck in the head. All went black.

I awoke, again, tied to a tree, in a forest clearing. The trees had not yet grown here, and the light from the sun still shone down on the grass. A few monsters before me, standing in a trail. They were tall, maybe around 6 feet. They were three of them, tall, piggish beasts. Two of them were shades of pink, one a dark strong pink, one a pale flowery pink. They were being yelled at by a larger brown one. It wasn't yelling english, however, it was yelling in a disgruntled arrangement of snorting and other pig-beast noises, a language unknown to myself.
I began to struggle to free myself, feeling the bark begin to dig into the back of my t-shirt, and the harsh ropes twisting about my wrists. I new i couldn't escape. I began to look around for something to use, anything at all, that could be used as a tool to escape. There was nothing around that would have helped, but that help wasn't needed.
I looked up, and there was another man, about my own age, wearing a gold trimmed green tunic, sprinting towards the pig-beasts leader. He took his sword, a brown-hilted long-sword, and plunged it deep into the chest of the dark fiend. Blood began to spurt from the beasts chest, but the moment it spilled into the air, it fled into a cloudy burst of dark purple smoke, and dissipated. He pulled the sword from its chest, and it slumped into a pile on the ground. As the green-clad hero killed the other two beasts, the first was beginning to change. It darkened, and shriveled up into a wrinkled black leathery smudge on the ground, then it exploded. It burst into a black and purple cloud of smoke, then it dissipated and the air cleared.
As the other two repeated this process, the green warrior approached me. He began to cut the rope bonding me to the tree, and he spoke. "Don't worry, I'm only helping. My name is Link." He smiled. Something and turned back and spoke into the forest. "Fado! Its safe, you can come out now"
A young girl, also around my age, stepped out from behind a large tree. She was wearing a long green dress, and wore a crooked brown leather belt. At the side, she had a small stuffed toy bear strapped to the belt, reminiscent of the pig beasts that were just defeated.
Link turned to me, and said "Lets head back to our village and meet up with the others. I haven't seen you around here, where are you from?"
I replied, "I... I don't remember much of anything." He looked down the trail, and nodded, "Lets go to my village, maybe we can get you something to eat."
We started down the trail, the three of us, not realizing what was about to happen..

 

[Retsdob]

Although I enjoy the Idea of a first-person story without the main character being Link and I believe the quality of the writing to be good, it isn't great. The writing level of this seems to be similar to a talented high-schooler(this is the most I can ask for in a fan fic),but as a high-schooler who am I to say? I'd definatly read the Fanfiction do to this small portion and I'll give it a good shot.

 

[nicktheslayer]

xD

I am just a talented high-schooler, so honestly, im going to take that as a compliment. Ill be writing the next chapter over the course of today, so ill post it soon. Thanks Again.

 

[nicktheslayer]

Before you get right into the story, here's the concept art of Link. Credit goes to Xinnamin:

I plan to post concept art for all the major characters, btw. This chapter will be kinda boring, but it lead up into a killer 3rd chapter, i promise!

Chapter 2 - The Village

As the three of us walked down the trail, we came to a large clearing. Link turned to me and said "We are now in the Koridon Forest."
Confused, i asked, "Koridon? I've never heard of that... Where were we before?"
"The Lost Woods.", he said. "We aren't allowed there, but i was there for a reason. My sister Fado was missing, and in my search, i found a camp of Moblins. Those were those beasts that tied you up."
"What did they want with me?", i asked.
"I'm not sure, they've never been so close to Koridon before." He said. I looked at the both of them and said, "It's kind of weird introducing myself, i honestly don't remember my own name... " I looked at Fado. She was cute, i don't really know, she was just really pretty. Something about her seemed really familiar, but i couldn't quite figure it out.
We came to a clearing, and there was a brown picket fence. Beyond the fence was something like i couldn't have imagined. A few dozen giant trees had been chopped down, and there were large tree stumps scattered throughout the meadow. Upon further observation, i realized something far greater. These weren't just tree stumps! They had been carved out! This was the village! We stepped through the open fence, and came upon a dirt path that led straight through to the center of this extraordinary community.
As we walked down this path, Link began to explain, "Most of these trees aren't carved out into any buildings yet. Are community is very small, we just don't know what to do with them. We're currently working on a tree that can be used as a small playground for the children." He looked to the left. "It's that one right there." He said, pointing to a smaller tree stump. It had a fence around the top to keep children from falling, and a slide was being carved around the outside, for the children to slide down.
I looked over at Fado. She was looking at me, but she quickly turned away. I chuckled, "You don't talk much, do you?"
She looked at me again, and nervously half/smiled. "No, I'm the quiet one." She said, her eyes lighting up. I started to think she liked me. A man at the playground stump called began to yell in our direction."
"Link! Come on over here, we need some help! Mutoh is stuck, a part of the tree collapsed! He's alright, we just need your help moving this wood out of the way!"
Link yelled back, "Alright, ill be there in a moment!" He turned back before running off, and said "Fado, take this boy to the Inn, ill come find you later. He needs to rest, he seems to have had a long day."
She blushed, and nodded. She looked at me and told me, "It's this way, lets go, its almost dark."
"Dark?", i thought? I hadn't noticed, but things were looking dimmer than before. I just assumed i awoke in the morning, i wasn't thinking it was already the afternoon.
We walked up to the Inn. It was another tree stump, but this one was three stories high, easily. The bark was stripped from this tree though, and above the entrance door, the words "KORIDON INN" had been burned into the wood, like a charred tattoo. We stepped inside. The inside was even more remarkable than the outside! The front desk, the wooden table, the benches against the wall, all carved directly out of the tree. It was magnificent! As i was starting at the walls, i didn't pay any attention to Fado, who was renting me a room. When she was done, she said it was time to go see it. We went up to the room, and she let me in. It was a cozy room, although small. There was a nice bed in the corner, covered with at least 4 blankets. There was a window to outside, a small desk, and a trash bin. There was also a string to pull to ring a bell downstairs. Behind the string was a note: "Each time you ring the bell for service three rupees will be added to your bill. Only the first "False Alarm" is free.
After looking around, i looked back at Fado. I could tell she wanted to stay here, with me, but she looked tired. I told her, "Go home. You look like you need rest. If I'm not awake in the morning, come get me. Im not sure what I'm doing tomorrow, but i have t make it up to you and your brother somehow. Also, tell him i said thank you. I appreciate what he did earlier today. Im going to bed now."
She replied back, in a tired voice, "Okay, I'll let him know. You can stay as long as you like, by the way. Ill talk to you later."
She left, closing the door behind her. I climbed into my bed, underneath every one of those blankets, and prayed to myself that id remember more when i awoke. I began to fall asleep.

 

[Lord Death]

Ok I have a question. This may sound stupid but it really annoys me! Whenever I want to post something right after one of my previous posts (like you did above), my new post just becomes part of my old post, kinda like I edited it. Do you know what is causing that?

 

[nicktheslayer]

Probably a moderator editing it, so its not a double post. Or, maybe if its a small enough post, it does it automatically, im not sure, its probably the first answer. Anyways, can you read my story? I was hoping you had a comment about it, >.<

 

[Lord Death]

Probably a moderator editing it, so its not a double post. Or, maybe if its a small enough post, it does it automatically, im not sure, its probably the first answer. Anyways, can you read my story? I was hoping you had a comment about it, >.<

Lol, sorry sorry... Don't worry I already started reading it before you posted... I just gotta finish it

Your story is really good! I liked the way you described the fight and the end of the chapter was a good cliff hanger. I'll definitely read more.

 

[nicktheslayer]

Okay, thanks. I appreciate it. Also, let me about every problem you find. I need to make this perfect later.

Also, the cliff hanger hopefully takes you through to the third chapter. Itll be better than these two, for sure!

 

[NorthApple]

EDIT: nick requested I hide this... essay of a post in spoiler tags so it doesn't clutter up the page too much or confuse people (because it's long enough to be a new chapter and might get mixed in >_> ). Hopefully the mods are okay with this, since it doesn't actually contain any spoilers... but if not, please fix it at once and I sincerely apologise for the misuse of the spoiler tags .__.

Spoiler

This is pretty impressive~!
Though the basic premise (a now-amnesiac from our world/a different world wakes up in Hyrule and is found by Link) has been done a lot, I think you've managed to pull it off fairly well so far. The chapters are interesting to read, with a good mix of description and dialogue, but just make sure you don't let it get too bogged down with dialogue in places (or worse, so it ends up sounding like a list of stage directions "He did this", "She looked at me", "She sighed", "She did that", "I laughed" etc, which isn't all that interesting to read and can easily get confusing). But, as I said, you've done a pretty nice job evading that trap so far... it's just some advice for in future (especially if you're writing action/fight heavy scenes, I know from experience it's easy to slip into doing that... if you do find that happening, try incorporating nearby objects into the fight, or add little snippets in about the condition/thoughts of the fighters/weapons/armour/setting etc. Or you could try shuffling the order of the sentences around- they don't always have to start with the subject! (E.g. "He walked across the wet grass, clothes dripping" could become "Clothes dripping, he walked across the wet grass" etc.) Just make sure you've got a good mix of long/short sentences in there... just anything to break it up, really.)

For example, "Link dived forward and rolled between the other man's legs, quickly jumping up and spinning around to strike him."
Could become: "Breathing heavily, he finally spotted an opening. Knowing it would leave his own guard wide open if he failed, he hastily ducked beneath the flurry of oncoming strikes. He was tiring now, he could feel it. He couldn't keep this up for much longer. It would be the only way. Taking a chance, he dived forward quickly. The wet ground felt slick beneath Link's back as he skidded right under the other man, leaping upright before he could spot where Link had vanished too. Grinning victoriously, he whirled around and readied his blade to strike the man's vulnerable and unprotected rear."

But hey, as I've said you've done a good job so far... I sure know I want to read on. The chapters so far are a nice length too... not piteously short, but they don't ramble on for ages either. And you've got punctuation of speech down for the most part, which is an absolute joy to see :3
Capitalising your 'I's though is a good practice to get into- it gives a better first impression to people and so they're more likely to read on.

I'd say the only major issue with it are the commas. I know because I'm guilty of this myself- I love to write long-winded sentences that go on forever (as you might have noticed from above ^.^; ), and I have a habit of writing how I'd speak. Although if you read it out loud with the pauses, it sounds perfect, when it's actually written down it isn't grammatically correct and you honestly don't need that many commas. Instead, the best way to avoid the urge to sprinkle your writing with commas is to get into the habit of elaborating a little bit with what you mean, and soon you'll find you're not using as many commas. If I use an example sentence from your story to show you what I mean...

"Blood began to spurt from the beasts chest, but the moment it spilled into the air, it fled into a cloudy burst of dark purple smoke, and dissipated."
"Blood began to spurt [heavily] from the beast's chest, but the moment it [touched] the air it [abruptly turned/changed/morphed/transformed (take your pick~)] into a cloudy burst of dark purple smoke and dissipated [with a hiss]."

You included 3 commas in the original sentence, but in the bottom sentence (if you can make it out) there's only one. The things in the square brackets [ and ] are examples of little additional words you could have added to eliminate the other commas, which in turn helps to clarify the meaning and help the sentence flow a little better :3
(Hahah, I feel so self conscious now trying not to put too many commas in as I write this ).

However, if you feel more comfortable using commas, then stick with them for now... don't let me tell you how you should be writing XD Just bear in mind too many commas can make your writing feel cluttered and can obscure what you mean at times. Anyway, just have fun and experiment a bit with things~! Those are just a few little pointers though to give you some ideas on ways you could improve... but as I said, I'm impressed so far :3 This shows lots of promise, and I've seen a heck of a lot worse for sure... with a little tweaking this could be really great.

Can't wait for chapter three~! :333 (And I like the concept art, Xinn~)

 

[nicktheslayer]

Thanks for covering that up NA.

Also, ill have the new chapter up soon, along with new concept art. Within a few days. Im also drawing from Random's Drawing Contest, so im kinda worried about it, since theres a due date.

 

[Hero of Time]

I like this story a lot. It has good detail, short chapters, and a mysterious plot. Things I like Keep it up

 

[nicktheslayer]

Guys. Im taking a brief hiatus. (break).

Ill explain whats going on tomorrow, but for now, im going to bed. Nighty Night folks!


EDIT:
What i plan to do is over the next week or two, (Possibly three, but probably not), is write more chapters. I dont plan on posting them when i write them because i want to start a fixed schedule. Sorry to any fans ><

Ill also post these in a blog from now on, starting at the end of my hiatus.