Caeda
Keyblade Master
- Joined
- Dec 23, 2010
Really good! Next ones in a couple days, right? Oh well, got AtS tommarrow to tie me over.
General Art The Demon of the Shadows
- Thread starter Ganondork
- Start date
*M i d n a*
Æsir Scribe
That was good to read, especially the last part where he dealt with those pesky guards. I loled when the guard shoved him away and cried, “Really, because I think you’re full of ****.” 
Anyway, what can I say, good chapter as the first one, 'dork.
Anyway, what can I say, good chapter as the first one, 'dork.
- Joined
- Apr 16, 2010
Cool chapter. The action sequences were written well. One thing I would suggest is when writing dialogue, instead of doing this:
Do this,
Note the comma instead of the period at the end of the dialogue and the first word not being capitalized.
Other than that, this is going great, and I'm excited to see what's coming next.
Ganondork said:
Do this,
Hero of Time said:
Note the comma instead of the period at the end of the dialogue and the first word not being capitalized.
Other than that, this is going great, and I'm excited to see what's coming next.
gerudogirl
a crazed guns women
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2011
epic chapter! i loved the action part! :yes:
Raindrop14
Soldier for Christ!
:blank: That was amazing! I love that chapter!
You are an awsome writer Ganondork. Can't wait till next chapter.
You are an awsome writer Ganondork. Can't wait till next chapter.
Keyari
翼のエルフ
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2011
- Location
- Rivendell, Middle Earth
Wow, interesting chapter, very well written. Didn't catch any mistakes that the others already caught. Great job Ganondork!
Linknerd09
Luigi Fan
Epic and dramatically chapter! Nice epic chapter, GD! Keep up the epicness
Ganondork
goo
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2010
This chapter has very foul language. You have been warned. Hope you like it anyway!
He ran at full speed but five of the guards were catching up. Buildings came into view and he hopped on to a building. He climbed as fast as possible from window to window. Finally he was at the top and he saw another guard. The guard didn’t see him and he grabbed him and placed a sword to his neck.
The rest of the guards got on the building and saw the guard being taken hostage. “Attack and I cut your friend’s throat out,” he warned.
“Let him go, buddy,” they replied. “Don’t want to die, do you?”
“Can’t say things like that,” Valten said smugly. “I’m in control; you’re not.”
He heard a voice behind him. He glanced back and saw a guard behind him. He slit the guard’s throat and hopped off the building. Landing in a bale of hay, he climbed out unscathed. Other guards were not as lucky, they jumped not looking down and died. It was about fifteen to one, and the odds weren’t in the Assassin’s favor.
Unsheathing his sword and preparing for combat, the guards began their attack. The first – an average-sized man – attacked with surprising force. Valten dodged and sent his sword through the guard’s stomach and threw him away. The Assassin began slicing at the nearest guard; all the guard could do was block. Valten twirled him around, stuck his sword into his back, and then kicked the lifeless corpse away. He swept a rather larger – and more heavily armored – guard’s feet out from under him and sent his own sword into his chest.
Sheathing his sword, Valten took the defensive. The next carried an enormous spear and tried to stab the now defenseless Assassin. He grabbed the spear, ripped it out of the guard’s grasp, stabbed him once, twice, three times with his own weapon and sent the spear flying into another guard’s head. The final ten guards were armored from head to toe and carried swords that needed to be held with two hands. The first attacked him and sent Valten onto the ground, blood coming out of his left arm.
A blur of motion came and was followed by the sound of small bells jingling. Next, two guards were on the ground, their necks spilling out blood. Valten stood up as he saw a man with a mask on take a swig of alcohol and blew towards a lit torch. The torch was ignited from the alcohol and flew into three more guard’s eyes. They backed up, ignited, screeching at the same time. The final two turned around and ran away.
The man turned to Valten and he saw the mask better. It was colored white and blue. Where his lips would be were locked into a perpetual smile, but the eyes showed the opposite. Small eye holes were the only way to see out of the mask and Valten could not even see them. He glanced at the hat this mysterious man had; it split off five different ways, a bell on the tip of each side. This man was a Jester.
He glanced at the killing tools that the Jester used; hidden blades. “You are an Assassin?” Valten asked.
The Jester nodded.
“Thanks for the help, I owe you one,” he continued.
He didn’t say anything and motioned for Valten to keep walking.
They continued walking, but the Jester never said a word. People kept away from the two Assassins as people noticed their bloodied bodies and blades; they were obviously feared. Finally they arrived at their destination; Swain’s meeting place. People had already gathered for what the Duke had to say. Swain was standing inside a tall structure. The inside of the structure had a roof but was not closed on the side he was facing. Pillars kept the second story from collapsing and one guard stood by each pillar.
The Jester pointed at himself, then made a stabbing motion, then gestured to the guards. He paused, then pointed to Valten, made the same stabbing motion, and then gestured to Swain. Valten understood what he was saying: He’d kill the guards and Valten would kill Swain. Valten nodded. The Jester headed toward the guards and disappeared in the crowd. Valten listened to the Duke as he began to speak.
“Hello ladies and gentlemen,” Swain began, “Thank you for coming! I appreciate the great attendance of all you, and it means a lot to me. I carry bad news; it seems we need more money in order to fund your houses and food. We will have raise taxes again for the fifth time this month.”
The crowd was silent with shock. Finally a man piped up and called Swain out. “If you didn’t tax us so heavily, then we could have a house and food without your help! You’re making us poor, and then giving us favors that we wouldn’t need if you weren’t here in the first place, just so you can feel like we owe you. That isn’t leadership, that’s being parasitic. Our taxes aren’t even funding our lives; it’s funding your house and all the luxuries you have that we wish we could have.”
Calls of agreement filled the area, but the Duke managed to keep composure. “That is not true. I was once poor like you, but I built myself up, and you can too with my assistance. All I ask is for higher taxes.”
Calls of disapproval echoed around the structure. Finally, the Duke grew angry. “Do I care what you bastards think? No! I have more important **** to take care of! I can send you ingrates off on your asses if you want, but no! I’m kind to you, and you thank me by saying **** about me behind me? Do you know what I do to lowly bastards like that? I kill them, and send them to eternal damnation! I am not afraid of getting my hands dirty, and I’ll be sure to kill every single of you mother ****ers!” He screamed at the top of his lungs.
Chapter 2: The Jester
He ran at full speed but five of the guards were catching up. Buildings came into view and he hopped on to a building. He climbed as fast as possible from window to window. Finally he was at the top and he saw another guard. The guard didn’t see him and he grabbed him and placed a sword to his neck.
The rest of the guards got on the building and saw the guard being taken hostage. “Attack and I cut your friend’s throat out,” he warned.
“Let him go, buddy,” they replied. “Don’t want to die, do you?”
“Can’t say things like that,” Valten said smugly. “I’m in control; you’re not.”
He heard a voice behind him. He glanced back and saw a guard behind him. He slit the guard’s throat and hopped off the building. Landing in a bale of hay, he climbed out unscathed. Other guards were not as lucky, they jumped not looking down and died. It was about fifteen to one, and the odds weren’t in the Assassin’s favor.
Unsheathing his sword and preparing for combat, the guards began their attack. The first – an average-sized man – attacked with surprising force. Valten dodged and sent his sword through the guard’s stomach and threw him away. The Assassin began slicing at the nearest guard; all the guard could do was block. Valten twirled him around, stuck his sword into his back, and then kicked the lifeless corpse away. He swept a rather larger – and more heavily armored – guard’s feet out from under him and sent his own sword into his chest.
Sheathing his sword, Valten took the defensive. The next carried an enormous spear and tried to stab the now defenseless Assassin. He grabbed the spear, ripped it out of the guard’s grasp, stabbed him once, twice, three times with his own weapon and sent the spear flying into another guard’s head. The final ten guards were armored from head to toe and carried swords that needed to be held with two hands. The first attacked him and sent Valten onto the ground, blood coming out of his left arm.
A blur of motion came and was followed by the sound of small bells jingling. Next, two guards were on the ground, their necks spilling out blood. Valten stood up as he saw a man with a mask on take a swig of alcohol and blew towards a lit torch. The torch was ignited from the alcohol and flew into three more guard’s eyes. They backed up, ignited, screeching at the same time. The final two turned around and ran away.
The man turned to Valten and he saw the mask better. It was colored white and blue. Where his lips would be were locked into a perpetual smile, but the eyes showed the opposite. Small eye holes were the only way to see out of the mask and Valten could not even see them. He glanced at the hat this mysterious man had; it split off five different ways, a bell on the tip of each side. This man was a Jester.
He glanced at the killing tools that the Jester used; hidden blades. “You are an Assassin?” Valten asked.
The Jester nodded.
“Thanks for the help, I owe you one,” he continued.
He didn’t say anything and motioned for Valten to keep walking.
They continued walking, but the Jester never said a word. People kept away from the two Assassins as people noticed their bloodied bodies and blades; they were obviously feared. Finally they arrived at their destination; Swain’s meeting place. People had already gathered for what the Duke had to say. Swain was standing inside a tall structure. The inside of the structure had a roof but was not closed on the side he was facing. Pillars kept the second story from collapsing and one guard stood by each pillar.
The Jester pointed at himself, then made a stabbing motion, then gestured to the guards. He paused, then pointed to Valten, made the same stabbing motion, and then gestured to Swain. Valten understood what he was saying: He’d kill the guards and Valten would kill Swain. Valten nodded. The Jester headed toward the guards and disappeared in the crowd. Valten listened to the Duke as he began to speak.
“Hello ladies and gentlemen,” Swain began, “Thank you for coming! I appreciate the great attendance of all you, and it means a lot to me. I carry bad news; it seems we need more money in order to fund your houses and food. We will have raise taxes again for the fifth time this month.”
The crowd was silent with shock. Finally a man piped up and called Swain out. “If you didn’t tax us so heavily, then we could have a house and food without your help! You’re making us poor, and then giving us favors that we wouldn’t need if you weren’t here in the first place, just so you can feel like we owe you. That isn’t leadership, that’s being parasitic. Our taxes aren’t even funding our lives; it’s funding your house and all the luxuries you have that we wish we could have.”
Calls of agreement filled the area, but the Duke managed to keep composure. “That is not true. I was once poor like you, but I built myself up, and you can too with my assistance. All I ask is for higher taxes.”
Calls of disapproval echoed around the structure. Finally, the Duke grew angry. “Do I care what you bastards think? No! I have more important **** to take care of! I can send you ingrates off on your asses if you want, but no! I’m kind to you, and you thank me by saying **** about me behind me? Do you know what I do to lowly bastards like that? I kill them, and send them to eternal damnation! I am not afraid of getting my hands dirty, and I’ll be sure to kill every single of you mother ****ers!” He screamed at the top of his lungs.
“Guards, kill them! Kill them all!”
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gerudogirl
a crazed guns women
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2011
strong language indeed 
epic action scene! can't wait for the next chapter
epic action scene! can't wait for the next chapter
Myriadviper42
Fulcrum Agent
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2010
- Location
- Control
Wow.....that guy got pissed.....well, you mother told you not to cuss, NOW YOU MUST PAY THE PRICE (the price being assassination)! Good job.
