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The Confession Thread *SERIOUS REPLIES*

CynicalSquid

Swag Master General
Joined
Aug 1, 2012
Location
The End
Gender
Apache Helicopter
I technically own 3 "girl" shirts. Apparently the selves are a certain way, so it's a girl shirt.

I honestly don't care though. I like the theme of the shirt, and the design, so I wear it. Why would anyone care about something that stupid?
 

mαrkαsscoρ

Mr. SidleInYourDMs
Joined
May 5, 2012
Location
American Wasteland
well,while im here
i had pretty bad dental hygiene,in fact i seriously thought it was more like a waste of time

boy did i learn my lesson in 10th grade...the hard way....the horrible,excruciating hard way
 
I posted it in the MD but it can work here too:

I always believed that people can change, even people who did awful things. But it's hard sometimes to think that when you look at yourself and you are one of those people doing the terrible things. I was an abusive person at one point, not long ago. I hurt a lot of people I cared about and did things that could have landed me in jail several times, and perhaps even for a good long while. I did end up in jail once for a couple days.

I wanted to change but many times felt I couldn't. I tried to commit suicide over it a few times and spent a few weeks in mental hospitals. Back in December it caused me to lose my girlfriend of 6 1/2 years. We are back together now, and just passed our 7th anniversary. We were separated for several months though and has hard as that was it was a turning point for me. I don't know what clicked but I finally made what I felt like was a lot of progress. I think the key as well was that I did it for my own sake and not for my gf or anyone else. It seemed like it was pretty much over between us and we didn't even talk for 2 months or so, so I had no one to worry about except myself.

I get scared a lot that I will fall back to my old ways. But I am getting a lot of help and support and I am so lucky that it didn't turn out worse for me. It is hard to live with the memory of the things I did sometimes, but I don't want to forget. I want it to always be there so I never get to complacent. I don't know where the future will take me but I know I can never stop improving myself.

I am happy to say that I have had no outbursts or abusive behavior in months. A few times I have gotten upset like anyone but it's never escalated like it did in the past. Some days are better than others but I haven't done anything really bad. I don't want to get to happy or complacent though, I know I have to keep working so all that work and progress isn't for naught.

Idk, I just hope if someone feels down about stuff they have done or whatever, that they can see this and maybe know they can work and change things if they really want to. I know it can feel helpless sometimes, but I think we should judge a person by who they are now and not necessarily what they may have done in the past.
 

Jamie

Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out...
Joined
Feb 23, 2014
Gender
trans-pan-demi-ethno-christian-math-autis-genderfluid-cheesecake
I posted it in the MD but it can work here too:



Idk, I just hope if someone feels down about stuff they have done or whatever, that they can see this and maybe know they can work and change things if they really want to. I know it can feel helpless sometimes, but I think we should judge a person by who they are now and not necessarily what they may have done in the past.

I am actually surprised that you of all people behaved this way. I think myself and many other people look up to you as a sort of standard for morality. I guess it's just a testament to how much you have changed.
 
I am actually surprised that you of all people behaved this way. I think myself and many other people look up to you as a sort of standard for morality. I guess it's just a testament to how much you have changed.

I don't know about being a "standard of morality" :P

But even when I was abusive, I didn't want to be. I had/have a lot of psychological issues I have had to tackle and deal with. I always wanted to stop doing it but sometimes it's really hard to. It's hard to change things that have been ingrained into you since childhood and I still struggle with that. But I one point I knew I couldn't make excuses anymore, I had to let go of the things that happened to me as a child and while growing up and...well, grow up. I couldn't let those things, like fear and trauma, control me anymore.
 

Jamie

Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out...
Joined
Feb 23, 2014
Gender
trans-pan-demi-ethno-christian-math-autis-genderfluid-cheesecake
I don't know about being a "standard of morality" :P

But even when I was abusive, I didn't want to be. I had/have a lot of psychological issues I have had to tackle and deal with. I always wanted to stop doing it but sometimes it's really hard to. It's hard to change things that have been ingrained into you since childhood and I still struggle with that. But I one point I knew I couldn't make excuses anymore, I had to let go of the things that happened to me as a child and while growing up and...well, grow up. I couldn't let those things, like fear and trauma, control me anymore.
No, the way you respond to people whose opinions differ from yours is truly commendable. At least I know I personally look up to you. Sorry if this is touchy but were you physically or emotionally abusive, or were you both? Was there ever a time you were physically abusive to your girlfriend?
 
It was mostly emotional (being very controlling, threatening etc). But a few times it did go physical. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about. But the memory of it is powerful motivation for me to never do that again. It's a reminder for me that I always have to keep focused and never let myself fall back into those patterns of behavior that made me act that way again.
 

Jamie

Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out...
Joined
Feb 23, 2014
Gender
trans-pan-demi-ethno-christian-math-autis-genderfluid-cheesecake
It was mostly emotional (being very controlling, threatening etc). But a few times it did go physical. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about. But the memory of it is powerful motivation for me to never do that again. It's a reminder for me that I always have to keep focused and never let myself fall back into those patterns of behavior that made me act that way again.

Although I am always severely bothered when people celebrate someone who has reverted back into normalcy as if they are some sort of worldwide hero, I really do feel happy for you. What I mean by the beginning of the previous sentence, by the way, is when an alcoholic becomes 6 months sober it's always "wow, so brave, what an amazing person", when technically, they are less amazing than people who never slipped into alcoholism. Not that it diminishes your progress, though, I think it is really great and I hope you keep it up. I am personally severely bothered by domestic abuse, both physical and emotional, and my heart swells with joy to know that due to your diligence, more of this kind of abuse has been ceased.

I really appreciate you sharing your story here, hopefully it helps other people who are in a similar situation. It must have taken a lot of courage. Even though we don't know you personally, you are a strong part of this community, and a role model to many people, and you risked being looked down upon. Let me be the first to say that I, for one, do not look down upon you. Keep it up.
 

Jamie

Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out...
Joined
Feb 23, 2014
Gender
trans-pan-demi-ethno-christian-math-autis-genderfluid-cheesecake
Well I am not trying to be celebrated or get pats on the back or anything. Just hoping maybe some people can learn from my experiences. Even if no one does it feels good to get it off my back.

Oh, I don't think you are. I just went on a sort of mini-rant there.
 

Sydney

The Good Samaritan
Joined
Mar 20, 2012
Location
Canberra, Australia
I think I might start to consider myself a bisexual. I mean guys are great and all, but girls are too, and it's starting to stress me out that I keep thinking I have to pick between the two. So I can finally firmly say that I like both girls and guys. I find guys just as attractive as I find girls, and there is nothing wrong with that. This does not change who I am as a person; I'm still me, I just have a different preference in who I'd like to go out with. I'm really happy with this decision, because I've been fighting with myself for years over this issue. I'm starting to convince myself that there's nothing wrong with liking the opposite gender, and there's nothing wrong with liking the same gender. At the end of the day, love is love and if they make you happy, keep them.
 

CynicalSquid

Swag Master General
Joined
Aug 1, 2012
Location
The End
Gender
Apache Helicopter
I think I might start to consider myself a bisexual. I mean guys are great and all, but girls are too, and it's starting to stress me out that I keep thinking I have to pick between the two. So I can finally firmly say that I like both girls and guys. I find guys just as attractive as I find girls, and there is nothing wrong with that. This does not change who I am as a person; I'm still me, I just have a different preference in who I'd like to go out with. I'm really happy with this decision, because I've been fighting with myself for years over this issue. I'm starting to convince myself that there's nothing wrong with liking the opposite gender, and there's nothing wrong with liking the same gender. At the end of the day, love is love and if they make you happy, keep them.

I have been dealing with the same problem for many years and I still have no idea who I am.

My main issue is that, I'm not fully against dating another male, but I wouldn't engage in sexual activity with them. This isn't really a problem, but I'm not against engaging in sexual activity with a female. I never really thought about who exactly the person I feel in love with would be. I never saw a problem with them being female, male, ore even transsexual. Love doesn't know gender in my mind, but I still would have preferred a woman for some reason. I don't know if this is pressures from society, or that I'm just trying to be someone that I'm not, or if I'm just really confused. I don't know. I guess most of the confusion comes from the fact that I feel romantically pansexual, yet I feel sexually heterosexual, or asexual/demisexual, I'm still not sure about that. :I

But since I'm with a female that I'm commuted to, I guess it doesn't really matter. .-.
 

Sydney

The Good Samaritan
Joined
Mar 20, 2012
Location
Canberra, Australia
I have been dealing with the same problem for many years and I still have no idea who I am.

My main issue is that, I'm not fully against dating another male, but I wouldn't engage in sexual activity with them. This isn't really a problem, but I'm not against engaging in sexual activity with a female. I never really thought about who exactly the person I feel in love with would be. I never saw a problem with them being female, male, ore even transsexual. Love doesn't know gender in my mind, but I still would have preferred a woman for some reason. I don't know if this is pressures from society, or that I'm just trying to be someone that I'm not, or if I'm just really confused. I don't know. I guess most of the confusion comes from the fact that I feel romantically pansexual, yet I feel sexually heterosexual, or asexual/demisexual, I'm still not sure about that. :I

But since I'm with a female that I'm commuted to, I guess it doesn't really matter. .-.

I should honestly explain myself a little bit more: I'm more Bi-romantic than I am Bisexual. I still consider myself an Asexual for the most part, but I'm definitely 100% Bi-romantic. It's okay if you consider yourself one, and it's honestly better if you do. It takes the pressure right off. I cannot stress enough how at ease I feel about my decision. Don't be afraid about how society will judge you, there's not enough time in the world to worry about that. Live in the moment -- live for right now, and if right now you can see yourself dating a guy or a girl, then roll with it. Who's there to stop you?
 

Snow Queen

Mannceaux Signature Collection
Joined
Mar 14, 2013
Location
Grand Rapids, MI
Gender
Transwoman (she/her)
My whole life I've been mostly surrounded by white skinned people. When I see a black person, I can't help but find it odd. Like, I don't hate black people or anything, but I find thier presence to be... I don't know how to say it. Peculiar? It's just I'm not really used to it, so when I do see it it's like, "huh, that's a black guy/girl." I hope this isn't coming off as ignorant or offensive, this is really hard to describe...
 

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