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The Confession Thread *SERIOUS REPLIES*

Terminus

If I was a wizard this wouldn't be happening to me
Joined
May 20, 2012
Location
Sub-Orbital Trajectory
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Anarcho-Communist
The OP has asked MANY times to keep it serious. If you went far enough back to see JC's "joke" then you would have seen at least 4 posts from the OP and/or Site Staff asking to keep the thread serious.
 

Yeraza_Bats

Do Wa Ditty
Joined
Nov 10, 2014
Location
Indiana
It can be hard to be a Christian in this world :/

I am struggling to find good friends for this reason, actually :p Is hard to find people who choose God over the ways of the earth.

I know there are some people take that as in people who hate certain groups of people or something, but what I mean is people who, when I say I struggle with desires, dont tell me to go with them but encourage me to stay with God :p
 

HeroOfTime

Challenger Approaching!
Joined
Jul 17, 2014
Location
Hyrule
Gender
Mail
I apologize for making a joke in what was suppose to be a serious thread. (Ya happy, Terminus??)
 
To get this back on track, I will make a confession.

I have hid this from everyone except for a few people I trust. I found out a couple years ago and am ashamed to say that I was embarrassed and humiliated when I found out, even though I had no reason to be. I am not even sure if this is a good idea or not, but I'll say it.

I have Autism. Aspergers to be exact, but it's no longer Aspergers and instead merged with every other condition on the Spectrum now into a catch all Autism Spectrum Disorder.

I know this doesn't seem like much, a few people here already have it and it isn't like something to be ashamed of these days, but it's still very hard for me to admit as I am an intensely private person and talking about myself is torturous for me. It's still something I don't want a lot of people to know, especially coworkers. Plus, I haven't gotten along with some of the Autism/Aspergers community because of the way I view it and the fact I am not comfortable with the idea that it's a "gift" (a viewpoint that seems popular in online communities) when it's something I have struggled with for a long time even before I knew what it was. But it is what it is.
 

Yeraza_Bats

Do Wa Ditty
Joined
Nov 10, 2014
Location
Indiana
I have pervasive developmental disorder, its a form of autism, in the autistic spectrum. I have noticeable outward signs, like face twitching. Heavy blinking. Face stretchering. Weird twitches like blowing on my hands, and even breathing twitches that make me sound ill and gross :p I cant control these things, and people often ask me "whats wrong with you?". And even get dumb looks and people treating me like Im "special" when I actually have a very normal IQ like everyone else :p I guess it can be kind embarrassing, but I generally dont care too much, other than making a girl I like think Im weird or gross :p I am not in a place where I can hide it, as my twitching is very obvious :p But I think even if I could, I wouldnt. I do have a brain that Im told works differently than most peoples, and I imagine it does, as I DO often have a problem understanding things that are clear to others, and am easily confused, and struggle with some problem solving skills, all things I am told that are a part of it. And I suffer from things Im told are pretty typical for people with PDD, the biggest being something called lax joints. I was told growing up that my joints arent like other peoples, they are ......ah I guess less muscular? But I struggle very much with muscle development and heavy lifting. Which is a bummer, seeing Im a male and this is something expected of me by the opposite sex :p Haha so really the only thing that Im worried about PDD is finding a mate, so I would hope to find a girl that also has PDD, but by gum it turns out PDD is very highly a male thing, and very few women have it! :p

But anywho, you said that you dont want your co workers to know about it, Seth? I would strongly encourage you to let them know, at least your manager. Autism affects you in a very mental way. It affects your ability to do things like problem solve, finding a way around obstacles, and also understanding others, both through language as well as facial expressions and emotions. It is well known that autisitic people do NOT understand sarcasm, something that causes us grief online :p (I have many times been flamed for not getting sarcasm by others on the internet) It would be a great idea to let your employers know in private that you have autism and struggle with these things. I would definitely advise you to talk you your therapist on ways to talk to your employers, so they have an understanding of your issues. If they fire you for them, you can take legal action, it is illegal in the US to fire anyone with disabilities, or treat them unfairly.

I wouldnt be ashamed. Because....well......you cant control it :p You were born a bit different than others, in a way you cannot choose or control :p This doesnt mean make a public spectacle, but dont be ashamed to tell someone you love and trust that you have it. Its not really something to be ashamed of, its not evil or anything, just something you have to work with.


But, in what way is it a "gift", though? Haha its not really a gift, more like a burden :p I wanna totally burst that weird stereotype right now about how people with autism are REALLY good at one thing. Pretty much EVERYONE EVERYWHERE is generally really good at one thing or another, this is far from weird, and people only seem to make a big deal out of it when someone with autism has a talent :p Were are not like......hidden geniuses or anything whatsoever :p We are just like you, we can have some talent or not :p Autism people DO often focus and obsess on one thing at a time, this is true. But thats more of a twitch, not a magical ability :p
We are not The Rainman. That movie was about an autistic person who was good with memory, not about autism :p I do not know anyone with autism who could come close to doing what The Rainman could do :p
 
I agree it isn't a gift, it's a disorder. Some who have it seem to treat it that way and it annoys me. But I digress. I am pretty high functioning and I don't have nearly as many issues as most Autistic people, but I still struggle with it. Even basic relationship stuff I struggle with to rewire my brain so I can have a functional relationship. A lot of people take the basic social stuff for granted, but for me I have to teach myself. It's mainly just close relationships, work friendships and stuff like that I do fine in. I have had a gf for 7 years but we both have struggled and I do know my diagnosis finally did help put some of my issues in perspective and figure out ways to deal with them.

As far as telling my work, I am not comfortable but also it hasn't been an issue at this point. I am able to do my job just fine. I guess if it ever does become an issue I'll cross that bridge when it comes to it.
 
Joined
Sep 23, 2013
Location
United States
I have pervasive developmental disorder, its a form of autism, in the autistic spectrum. I have noticeable outward signs, like face twitching. Heavy blinking. Face stretchering. Weird twitches like blowing on my hands, and even breathing twitches that make me sound ill and gross :p I cant control these things, and people often ask me "whats wrong with you?". And even get dumb looks and people treating me like Im "special" when I actually have a very normal IQ like everyone else :p I guess it can be kind embarrassing, but I generally dont care too much, other than making a girl I like think Im weird or gross :p I am not in a place where I can hide it, as my twitching is very obvious :p But I think even if I could, I wouldnt. I do have a brain that Im told works differently than most peoples, and I imagine it does, as I DO often have a problem understanding things that are clear to others, and am easily confused, and struggle with some problem solving skills, all things I am told that are a part of it. And I suffer from things Im told are pretty typical for people with PDD, the biggest being something called lax joints. I was told growing up that my joints arent like other peoples, they are ......ah I guess less muscular? But I struggle very much with muscle development and heavy lifting. Which is a bummer, seeing Im a male and this is something expected of me by the opposite sex :p Haha so really the only thing that Im worried about PDD is finding a mate, so I would hope to find a girl that also has PDD, but by gum it turns out PDD is very highly a male thing, and very few women have it! :p

I'm a woman with P.D.D. myself & I do notice that I have some of the same problems you have. I have problems with not understanding what normal people usually do and get confused by what I'm told, but besides these things, I'm still treated like a normal person. Also, I didn't know P.D.D. was common on men.
 

Stitch

AKA Patrick
Joined
Aug 13, 2013
I skipped school today, I'm not even exactly sure why I did it. Things are just so confusing and I just can't get a grasp on reality these days.
 

Snow Queen

Mannceaux Signature Collection
Joined
Mar 14, 2013
Location
Grand Rapids, MI
Gender
Transwoman (she/her)
I have intense paranoia. I haven't left my house in... forever because I'm afraid somebody is out there who will hurt me so I stay in here where it's safe.
 

snakeoiltanker

Wake Up!
Joined
Nov 13, 2012
Location
Ohio
To get this back on track, I will make a confession.

I have hid this from everyone except for a few people I trust. I found out a couple years ago and am ashamed to say that I was embarrassed and humiliated when I found out, even though I had no reason to be. I am not even sure if this is a good idea or not, but I'll say it.

I have Autism. Aspergers to be exact, but it's no longer Aspergers and instead merged with every other condition on the Spectrum now into a catch all Autism Spectrum Disorder.

I know this doesn't seem like much, a few people here already have it and it isn't like something to be ashamed of these days, but it's still very hard for me to admit as I am an intensely private person and talking about myself is torturous for me. It's still something I don't want a lot of people to know, especially coworkers. Plus, I haven't gotten along with some of the Autism/Aspergers community because of the way I view it and the fact I am not comfortable with the idea that it's a "gift" (a viewpoint that seems popular in online communities) when it's something I have struggled with for a long time even before I knew what it was. But it is what it is.



Hey man, im not gonna pretend i know much about Autism, and especially the Aspergers class of it, but if you could send me a PM, i have a friend, whom i met on this site (and not going to out publicly) that i have been sending back and forth weekly messages for the past year, and reading this post sounded almost identical to the first time he told me he had it (Aspergers), after knowing the guy for a year... kinda. Just putting that out there.

and since we are all making confessions. i will put this out there, cuz a lot of people see me as a downer, or dont understand how i see humor in such dark things. I will be 30 in less than a year. So I assume im older than most people here. I feel like i got to hide the things i really want to talk about in the SB, or opinions i believe in Threads. But I really like this place and almost all the people i've met here. so here goes...

I am a recovering addict. from the age of 16 i have been addicted to pain killers which progressed till i was using Heroin from the age of 19 to 23. Since... i have not used, but I did use a clinic drug for three years to get back to normal. Since being back to a sober life... kinda, Life has thrown a lot more at me. In fact i would have to say I am less successful now than i was during the time I was using. But due to my determination to be done with opiates, the effort has consumed my life, to where staying clean prevents me from doing a lot of the things that made me successful (I worked in the music biz). I just wanted to put that out there, so that people may understand better my dark, and somewhat dis-respective humor, and way of looking at things.
 

Mellow Ezlo

Spoony Bard
Joined
Dec 2, 2012
Location
eh?
Gender
Slothkin
I am a recovering addict. from the age of 16 i have been addicted to pain killers which progressed till i was using Heroin from the age of 19 to 23. Since... i have not used, but I did use a clinic drug for three years to get back to normal. Since being back to a sober life... kinda, Life has thrown a lot more at me. In fact i would have to say I am less successful now than i was during the time I was using. But due to my determination to be done with opiates, the effort has consumed my life, to where staying clean prevents me from doing a lot of the things that made me successful (I worked in the music biz). I just wanted to put that out there, so that people may understand better my dark, and somewhat dis-respective humor, and way of looking at things.

I can't I relate completely, since that wouldn't be true, but I can sympathize with this.

What I did is nowhere near the same level, but I've revealed on this site before that I went through a kinda hard time when I was 15. I tried marijuana for the first time about 2 1/2 years ago, and... well, I suppose it wasn't really an "addiction" perse, like I've told people, since marijuana by itself isn't addictive, but more a strong desire to have more. I try to tell myself that it was an addiction to hide the fact that I just wanted more. From the very first time I tried it, I didn't exactly like it, but it was definitely something I wanted to keep doing, and I still have a hard time figuring out exactly why.

I know it's just marijuana and that in itself isn't an overly harmful drug, but it certainly changes a person. Within days, I was practically unrecognizable. I threw away my old friends and joined the crowds I really shouldn't have been around. I became the stereotypical high school stoner, and lived like that for six months. My family turned against me, my old friends hated me, my grades constantly fell, and yet I somehow wanted to keep going with that life.

After the school year ended, I wish I could say the problem terminated, but it didn't. On the contrary, it actually got worse. The crowd I hung out with began resorting to violence, vandalism, one-night stands, etc. Many of the details I feel uncomfortable discussing here even now because they make me feel like ****. All I'll say is that marijuana was probably the most mellow of the things I did that summer.

Once the school year started again, I began realizing just how much the problem was tearing my life apart. But for some reason, I still didn't want to stop. The only solution I saw at that point was to just cancel everything, make it all stop at once. This is a detail I have never spoken about here on this site. I wanted everything to end, so I stood on the guard rail of a bridge. I genuinely thought that was the only solution. I was ready to let myself go, make everything end. But then a song started playing in my headphones, just as I was about to jump. And it told me something:

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone.
Carry on.
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground.
Carry on.


It made me realize that my rubbish life had value and I could take something from it. It didn't cancel the problem, but it did save my life. And for that, to the band Fun, I am eternally grateful.

From that day on, I tried harder and harder to stop the problem, but I never could. On my 16th birthday though, I talked to my entire family on the phone. Hearing them in tears, talking to me about how my life was going, ended up getting me in tears. It was the jump I needed to stop what could have become a far more serious problem.

Life since then has been great. It was a bit shaky for the first couple months after, but I pulled through. And then I look at myself now, and realize that those 6 months were in fact one of the best things that ever happened to me because they changed me as a person, they changed me for the better. So believe me when I say that I can sympathize with you completely.

Wow, that was long...
 

snakeoiltanker

Wake Up!
Joined
Nov 13, 2012
Location
Ohio
I know it's just marijuana and that in itself isn't an overly harmful drug, but it certainly changes a person. Within days, I was practically unrecognizable. I threw away my old friends and joined the crowds I really shouldn't have been around. I became the stereotypical high school stoner, and lived like that for six months. My family turned against me, my old friends hated me, my grades constantly fell, and yet I somehow wanted to keep going with that life.

After the school year ended, I wish I could say the problem terminated, but it didn't. On the contrary, it actually got worse. The crowd I hung out with began resorting to violence, vandalism, one-night stands, etc. Many of the details I feel uncomfortable discussing here even now because they make me feel like ****. All I'll say is that marijuana was probably the most mellow of the things I did that summer.

Its good that you figured it out man. I started smoking the stuff pretty early in life. And while i feel its not that harmful of a drug, at a young age like that, it does typically lead to other thing though. My story being a perfect example of that. I was never violent, but i did get in a lot of trouble... vandalism being one of them. But i think when i was so young a curious, smoking wasn't enough excitement for me. and if i hadn't broke the ice with pot, i probably wouldnt have been brave enough to try all the drugs i eventually did. keep it up bud, this is typical growing pains my friend. Life aint easy, and in the end you are only defined by the choices you make.
 

Jamie

Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out...
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Gender
trans-pan-demi-ethno-christian-math-autis-genderfluid-cheesecake
The serious replies thing is in the title of the thread and has been stated numerous times by the OP and others including myself. No need to get snappy, just keep it serious. No one's yelling.

I'll add my own confession here:
I almost committed suicide a few weeks ago.

The last time I had been close to doing the deed was over 2 years ago, when I wrote a suicide note and was going to jump out of my window. I was afraid I would survive, so I didn't do it.

For 2 years I struggled with depression alone, until I told someone a couple months ago. This person was extremely important to me but something happened that made me feel like I might lose her, and when I was sitting next to her all I said was "I can't do this anymore, I don't want to do this anymore". It all just slipped out, almost unconsciously. I was confident that was it; I was going to kill myself. I had it all planned out, and I was ready. I stood up to walk out of the room, thinking that may be the last time I saw her, and she grabbed my arm. She walked over to me and gave me a big hug and I told her how I felt, how I wanted it to end. She kept asking me to promise not to hurt myself and I just kept saying "sorry". Both of us were sobbing for hours. But, I am still here today. She stopped me, and I am still alive today. The medication is starting to work, and I'm the happiest I've been in months.

So yeah, that is my confession.
 
Last edited:

Gemquarry

The Inquirer
Joined
Apr 4, 2012
Location
Hoenn
Gender
Koops
The serious replies thing is in the title of the thread and has been stated numerous times by the OP and others including myself. No need to get snappy, just keep it serious. No one's yelling.

I'll add my own confession here:
I almost committed suicide a few weeks ago.

The last time I had been close to doing the deed was over 2 years ago, when I wrote a suicide note and was going to jump out of my window. I was afraid I would survive, so I didn't do it.

For 2 years I struggled with depression alone, until I told someone a couple months ago. This person was extremely important to me but something happened that made me feel like I might lose her, and when I was sitting next to her all I said was "I can't do this anymore, I don't want to do this anymore". It all just slipped out, almost unconsciously. I was confident that was it; I was going to kill myself. I had it all planned out, and I was ready. I stood up to walk out of the room, thinking that may be the last time I saw her, and she grabbed my arm. She walked over to me and gave me a big hug and I told her how I felt, how I wanted it to end. She kept asking me to promise not to hurt myself and I just kept saying "sorry". Both of us were sobbing for hours. But, I am still here today. She stopped me, and I am still alive today. The medication is starting to work, and I'm the happiest I've been in months.

So yeah, that is my confession.

Recently, I told someone on ZD about a person I know that did commit suicide. It was my best friend's mother.

Today it's only been a week and a few days since it happened. I don't know all the details as to why exactly she did it, but I do know it hurt my friend very badly. I'll I could do was try to comfort her and relate the best I could, but I found it nearly impossible because for her it looked to be an incurable depression. I've come to be afraid at times that maybe she'll give in to the sadness and have the same fate as her mother, all because of my incompetence to help her.

But so far shes still alive and doing better than when it first happened, and I hope by next week I won't have to worry about her leaving the earth prematurely anymore.
 

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