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Zelda Art The Adventures of T'bone

Zorth

#Scoundrel
Joined
Apr 22, 2011
My name is T'bone and this is my story.

* * *

I used to be a farmer sitting inside of a tavern by myself in the land of Hyrule. Yup, that was pretty much my life, sitting in the Ingo-Tavern by myself at night. No friends, no family, nothing. That was until I was on my way to the tavern one night from work at the farm, I stumbled upon this strange letter right across the goron selling his disgusting but warm spring water. It looked really old but I read the letter, it was for someone called Link. The letter was from somebody called Zelda, she was urging Link to "let go of the mask" because the corruption from it would apparently destroy him and his loved ones. Why would somebody want something like this?

As I continued reading my question got answered, "I know the immense power it gives you is tempting, but you must let go of it.. or you will lose me and you will lose your son.". "Hmm, interesting" I thought. Immense power is everything I got from the message as stupid as I was back then. So that changed my life around, the location where Link lived was inside the letter obviously and since my life was boring at the time I simply had to get my hands on this mystical mask.

So I spread some rumors about the immense power the mask gives and I immediately had new friends, Friends that saw personal gains in getting their hands on the mask. Imagine the amount of money it would sell for if the letter was true, Imagine the amount of respect theifs would get if they claimed they stole it from the madman possessing it at the moment, Imagine the amount of ladies that would admire you (yes, those were my thoughts) if you had the mask of power as it was known in castle town after I showed the whole town the letter.

So I found myself an eager crew, a thief known as Zyzz who saw money & respect in the mask and a fairy called Tatl who only told us that she was coming along for exploration. We had stocked up on supplies, potions, weapons and were ready to go when suddenly Zyzz stopped us and said:

``Listen up folks!, I have the location of this Link, It's writtten down on the letter. It's a cave just before the Dark Portal where the entrance to the Lost Woods is. Getting there is easy, But what we'll find inside his cave is a whole other story, There might be just an old madman or hordes of monsters and other unthinkable creatures. Just stick together and don't even think about touching the dark portal, My great grand daddy once told me a young boy got teleported into another world or something and was never seen again.. So please, just stay away from that thing.´´

What he said was true, But however we started our journey and arrived at the Dark Portal within 2 nights. Finding the cave was not hard at all, the entire area around the Dark Portal was barren and not a soul was to be seen while only 50 feet away from the place there were the Lost Woods, teeming with life and animals. The cave was loacted just to the left of the entrance towards Death Mountain. The opening was huge and dark, But Tatl's glow was enough to light up the entire cave, a loud scream came far down the cavern.

``I have a very bad feeling about this´´ said Zyzz.

``Are we starting to get cold feet, thief!?´´ Tatl replied.

I aborted their little bickering because yet another scream was heard, louder this time. I told them to just follow me even though I had no clue what I was doing or where I was going. We were walking deeper and deeper into the cave for hours until finally another light source was found. The screams were gone by this point and the light source turned out to be a room, A huge room with hundreds of fairies trapped inside blocks of ice and a huge human like shiny being chained to the ground. Now we knew why it was so bright in there.

``Tatl.. Go.. away.. He.. c-c-can't be.. saved.´´ the being told our fairy companion.

``My queen, where is he?´´ Tatl asked.

Oviously these two knew each other and that was a fairy queen, But why were they locked in here?
As all these questions came to my mind a loud and dark laugh was heard.

``Ha, ha, haaa..!´´

It was a tall, big and white figure. It had a white tunic, white hair and the most impressive part. A white, human like mask.

``I presume you are Link, The madman who got corrupted by the mask and destroyed his own life?´´ Zyzz said, taunting Link.

``Fool, This is not Link. Link does not exist anymore, Only the fierce deity. I have been here for 100 years, trying to escape back to my world but the boy trapped me inside, preventing me from reviving my brother.. Majora!´´ the tall being replied.

``The boy, That's whom my great grandaddy was talkin 'bout!´´ Zyzz shouted out.

``LINK!, I know you are inside there, Think about Zelda, Think about you SON!´´ Tatl screamed at him.

``MY NAME IS NOT LINK ANYMORE!!!´´

The deity slashed it's long sword towards us in the air, then suddenly beams of light came towards us killing Zyzz, making Tatl hide and hitting me in the arm. I fell down to the ground. Now I knew why Tatl was here, to save him. Zyzz was obviously here to aquire the mask and earn some money but that didn't go so well for him.. But what in the world was I doing here?
I knew I wanted power and respect, but this was too much.. I had to get out of here. However I noticed that the Deity did not know I was still alive, he was too obsessed searching for Tatl. He transformed from oversized human being into a little child that had red eyes, black hair and a badly damaged green tunic with a mask in his hands.

``You CANNOT HIDE FROM ME.. FAIRY!!!´´ the boy screamed.

Now was my chance, He was too obsessed with some personal vendetta and did not pay attention to me or his mask so he dropped it on the ground, but I got drawn to the mask. I could not control myself, It was.. calling to me. It layed there on the ground and I equipped it. It was, euphoric. The immense power floating through my veins, My body grew, literally in size and with it my lust for power. The boy came at me but I easily snapped his neck and went for the great fairy, Why?

Why was I doing these things, it was the mask. The mask was drawn to the fairy so therefore I was. I kissed the great fairy and felt even more power coarsing through me. I finally understood, It was the fairies life force that gave the mask power.

``NOOOO!!, T'BONE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!??´´ Tatl screamed.

I picked up the sword the boy left behind, touching the sword made it transform into the same one the mask had earlier. I sprinted out of the cave, the mask sprinted out of the cave towards the Dark Portal. Tatl was close behind us screaming at me to stop.

``Don't you understand you fool. This is exactly what happened to him 100 years ago. He went through the portal, found the mask defeated Majora and it took control of him. Destroying his life and Zelda's when he came back. The mask doesn't belong here but it NEEDS to stay here, otherwise Majora will come back!´´

``Your time is over, you filthy fairy!´´ I screamed at her, no.. the mask screamed at her.

We drained the fairy of her life force and went through the dark portal..


* * *
My first ever fanfic, wrote it in just an hour so be nice :)
 
Last edited:
Yes, Zorth, I'll be nice but I'd also like to point out your errors for you to craft your absolute best piece next time.

Omit the "by myself" in the parentheses at the start. It is unnecessary.

My question literally got answered in the next row
Consider substituting with something along the lines of "Reading down I found the answer to my question".

Or you will loose me, you will loose your son
*lose

During your "imagine" parallel structure do not capitalize the word every time.

Little did I know at the time what Tatl's true intentions were, But more on that later.
Omit bolded part. Never preview what you're going to say, just say it.

General advice-do not capitalize words after commas.

Zyzz was obviously here to aquire the mask and earn some money but that didn't go so well for him
I cracked up at that part, priceless.

Great choice of words with "vendetta" and "euphoric". The last few paragraphs sent a chill down my spine. The poor fool who failed to listen to Tatl's advice...
 

Zorth

#Scoundrel
Joined
Apr 22, 2011
Yes, Zorth, I'll be nice but I'd also like to point out your errors for you to craft your absolute best piece next time.

Omit the "by myself" in the parentheses at the start. It is unnecessary.



Consider substituting with something along the lines of "Reading down I found the answer to my question".



*lose

During your "imagine" parallel structure do not capitalize the word every time.



Omit bolded part. Never preview what you're going to say, just say it.

General advice-do not capitalize words after commas.



I cracked up at that part, priceless.

Great choice of words with "vendetta" and "euphoric". The last few paragraphs sent a chill down my spine. The poor fool who failed to listen to Tatl's advice...
Thanks for reading through it and spotting those errors :)
Hope you liked it =)
 

The Jade Fist

Kung Fu Master
Joined
Jul 16, 2012
Thieves not thiefs .

There were some typos, I know the internet has made me bad at this too. I'm lucky to type a single sentance with out misspelling something. (That was intentional btw).

I'm not sure i'm the right person to try to help with constructive criticism too much, but I'll try, try not to be insulted by it, I suffer from some of the same issues.
Try not to be insulted.
I realize you wrote this quickly, but could try to paint the scene a little better, rather just a dark cave.
There was a lot of ""screamed. Perhaps exclaimed, or with a flush red face tatl screamed. At the top of her voice, and flush red face tatl scramed while raising her hands up tightening her fists. A bit of character motion with dialogue makes it feel a lot more alive.

It was organized well enough. It flowed quickly enough for a short story.
And i realize as a short story you didn't feel the need to liven the characters up as much, but in the future it really makes a difference in a writing.
 

Zorth

#Scoundrel
Joined
Apr 22, 2011
Thieves not thiefs .

There were some typos, I know the internet has made me bad at this too. I'm lucky to type a single sentance with out misspelling something. (That was intentional btw).

I'm not sure i'm the right person to try to help with constructive criticism too much, but I'll try, try not to be insulted by it, I suffer from some of the same issues.
Try not to be insulted.
I realize you wrote this quickly, but could try to paint the scene a little better, rather just a dark cave.
There was a lot of ""screamed. Perhaps exclaimed, or with a flush red face tatl screamed. At the top of her voice, and flush red face tatl scramed while raising her hands up tightening her fists. A bit of character motion with dialogue makes it feel a lot more alive.

It was organized well enough. It flowed quickly enough for a short story.
And i realize as a short story you didn't feel the need to liven the characters up as much, but in the future it really makes a difference in a writing.
Yea ty, I know that I rushed the story and could've added alot more detail to give you guys a better picture or even explain stuff in little more detail. Most important thing for me is that it's interesting to read, a good story.
 

Azure Sage

Spread Smiles!
Staff member
ZD Legend
Comm. Coordinator
The opening was huge and dark, But Tatl's glow was enough to light up the entire cave, a loud scream came far down the cavern.
I would recommend you fix these mistakes. It should be "The opening was huge and dark. But" and "light up the entire cave. A loud scream". I would also recommend changing the last sentence to "Suddenly a loud scream came far down the cavern." This gives it a greater element of surprise. ;)

An interesting plot. Not bad, not bad at all! But ohgod why the name "T'bone"? lol Despite me not liking that name, I like this story. Keep writing! You're pretty good at it! :)
 
Joined
Jun 3, 2011
While I don't agree with the name T'bone myself (I am now going to forever associate your character to a steak, thanks a lot! :P), it's your story, so don't let what I'm about to say discourage you from writing.

Your story has a lot of promise. I like the fact that you went and described what went on in the beginning. It's nice to see a writer go through the effort and put in world building details like that.

On the flipside, your story does have a few grammar and punctuation hiccups. Also, dialogue goes on new lines- it doesn't matter who is talking. I also noticed quite a few said bookisms where the said/cried/screamed could have either been changed or omitted entirely. Even if you decide not to go back and edit it, keep that in mind for the future. Other than that, this was a decent read. I'll be watching this one for sure! :)
 

Scoby

France
Joined
Nov 21, 2012
Location
Spain
I like story, but things in story happen to fast. I wish you rewrite and make everything longer, so that events build up to the other if that makes sense? :)
 

Zorth

#Scoundrel
Joined
Apr 22, 2011
I like story, but things in story happen to fast. I wish you rewrite and make everything longer, so that events build up to the other if that makes sense? :)
Yea, I kind of thought about that too. I'm definitely going to make a more serious edit to the story, adding another maybe 500-600 words giving more detail and build up for things happening. Adding more backstory and hopefully in the near future even add a sequel to the edited version :)

And ty btw, glad you liked it ^^
 

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