General Art Super Smash Bros: The Untold Story

[ZeldaHunter]

Prologue​

It was a nice and sunny day in the land of Skyloft. The villagers were doing their normal routine, and everything seemed perfect. Though, there is one villager who is special in a unique way. He has the power of courage. His name was Link. Link was sitting in his hut staring out his window, watching the villagers pass by and the bird-riders fly. Link would always dream of seeing far away places on his bird, he'd sit there and think of the places he'd go. After two months of learning how to fly on his bird, Link felt prepared. He felt that he was ready to see the world himself. He was ready for an adventure. Link pulled himself away from the window and went over to his room. He packed everything he needed for his trip, clothes, empty bottles, and even fairies. When Link was done packing, he threw the bag over his shoulder and went outside. Link stopped by his best friend Zelda's house before he left on his quest. He knocked on the door and Zelda appeared right away, as if anticipating him to come.

"Link, hey. What brings you over here this fine morning," asked Zelda?

Link explained to Zelda his plan to see the world.

"Link, I always knew you would want to leave this place. I've got something to tell you, Link. Please, come in."

Link follows Zelda into her hut and stops and sits in their family room.

"Link, I need to explain something to you," said Zelda. "You're not any average boy from Skyloft. You're more than those other boys. You have the Power of Courage in you. A piece of power from the ancient Tri-Force."

Link had heard stories of how three goddesses created the universe and how they left three triangle-shaped object in their places. One for courage. One for wisdom. And one for power. Link didn't believe Zelda at first. He thought he was just an average kid. But when Zelda pulled out green clothes, Link started to see the truth.

"Link, you were destined for this. Take these clothes and go on your quest. There is a place below us that is in great need of your help."

Link nodded, and they went back outside. They walked to the dock of Skyloft together and stopped.

"Good luck, Link," said Zelda as she gave him a hug. Link nodded and ran off the edge of the dock, swan-diving into the clouds... Link then whistled a tune, and his bird, Nayru, appeared catching him as he fell. They than flew off below the clouds...

~~~​

Meanwhile at Midair Stadium, Pit is sitting on the edge of the stadium when he sees a guy in green on a red bird fly by. He falls back in surprise but quickly gets back up and looks off to try to catch a glimpse of it again. Curious, Pit jumps off the edge and flies after Link...

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Don't worry for those of you who have signed up, your charcters will be entered soon. So what's you guys think of my new story? :?

 

[Katelynn]

Um, can my character be like, Link's crush or something? I'm claiming now so no-one else can later, oh and when you have people talking, double space.

"Yeah, i'll get it in a moment" Katie said.

"Well, hurry, I can't wait that long"

^ Example.

 

[ZeldaHunter]

Fixed it, thanks for the advice, and okay I can do that... :yes:

 

[BakerGuy]

I like it. Cant wait for the rest!

 

[Linkanon]

I LOVE it! I can't WAIT for Chapter 1! Great story so far, Hunter.

 

[Caeda]

I think this is in the wrong section...

Anyways, this seems interesting. Can't wait for the next one.

 

[LordFire]

It's terrible, my character isn't in it yet.
I REFUSE TO THIS /sarcasm.

But anyways, it is good. For now, anyways.

 

[ZeldaHunter]

~ Chapter 1 (Revised) ~​

Link was loving his site-seeing so far. He loved seeing everything around him and thinking about all the possibilities. After a few minutes of flying, Link jumped off Nayru and landed in a field. He took in his surroundings. The grass, tulips, river. The river was bright blue, with red fish with wings. The field was dark green, as the grass brisstled in the wind. And bees were hovering over the flowers, hungry for nector. Everything in this place looked so peaceful. He walked around for a bit, then all of the sudden, came a boy with wings flying right over Link. Suprised, Link stumbled back and looked up again. The boy seemed to be holding a bow with a yellow and blue pattern and had two gold rings around his left wrist. He also had spiky brown hair, and what seemed, a white robe on. The boy flew around in a U-turn and landed in front of Link. Link dove for his pack and drew out his sword, given to him by his father. The sword was a shiny silver at the blade, and a colorful blue at the handle. The boy took a step back showing that he meant no harm.

"Hi," said Pit.

Link didn't respond

"Not the talking type, eh? Heh, you and I will get along just fine."

Just then Link and Pit heard someone or something scream. Sure enough, a boy was running in their direction with a bunch of mushroom shaped brown things chasing after him. This boy, had a long-sleeved black shirt on, and blue and red jeans. Link drew his sword once again and Pit got his sword/bow ready... But just as they were about to go into battle, the boy turned into a bronze color and a sheild and sword morphed into his hands. The sheild was a regular polygon shape and had a sword on the front. The sword was also all bronze, and shined in the sun as he held it up. His body also changed into bronze armor, like knights where. The boy went away at the things, detroying every last one of them. Pit and Link just stood there wide-eyed as the bronze kid went attacked. When everything was over and all of the things were killed, the boy morphed into his previous boy form and the sheild and sword disappeared. The boy landed on his stomach gasping for breath. Pit and Link ran over to him and helped him up.

"Wh.. Who are you?" asked Pit.

"Uhh... Who are you?" responded the boy.

"I'm Pit and this is... a boy who doesn't talk much," replied Pit.

"Oh... Ummm... I'm Captain Bronzekick," said Captain Bronzekick.


"I'm Link," said Link.

"Where are you from and what are you doing here?" asked Pit.

"I'm from the Mushroom Kingdom's Alternate Universe. I am here because an evil man named Bowser has taken over my city. I am the only one who escaped," said Captain Bronzekick.

"What?!?!? What evil man?" asked Pit.

"Bow-"

Captain Bronzekick was interrupted by a loud sound coming from above. The crew all looked up and sure enough, there was a fox in an airplane flying by. The fox had brown fur, with a little white under his eyes. He seemed to be wearing a coat and green shirt, and also had some gadget near his eye. He was piloting a pruple and white plane, with a little black at the tip. The fox looked down at them and the door of the plane burst open and out jumped Fox McCloud.

~~~​

Ness and Lucas were walking around Eagleland, Ness's hometown. The city was on an island, and it was surely beautiful. The water had smooth waves and seaguls chirping. The city itself was pretty nice. You had brickhouses with typical roofs and bedrooms. The ground was made up of bricks and everywhere was close together. They were walking past the market when they heard a loud noise. They both looked behind them. In the distance, they saw an explosion on a near-by island.

"Wha...," said Lucas.

"RUN," shouted Ness!

He grabbed Lucas by the arm and ran as fast as he could toward the edge of Eagleland. Ness dove into the clear water and Lucas went in after him. When they surfaced, Ness screamed,"SWIM!" and they swam as fast as they could away from the island. When Lucas looked back the island blew up leaving nothing but dirt and rubble. "NO," screamed Lucas! "NOOOO!" Ness grabbed Lucas by the arm and swam him into shore.

"Why?" asked a sobbing Lucas.

"Listen, Lucas, I know you're upset but we escaped, we're not dead," said Ness.

"What about those who are, our friends, Ness, our teachers, everyone on that island," snapped backed Lucas.

Ness was silent for a moment. Then, all of a sudden they heard splashing in the nearby water. Ness, alarmed, got up quickly along with Lucas. They waited. Until out popped a little boy from the water. It was Kempton! Kempton had been Lucas's best friend from when he lived at Tazmily. Kempton had on a slim armor and had a helmet in his hand. It also appeared that he had some sort of jet-pack on his back. Lucas couldn't believe his eyes.

"Kempton," asked Lucas, "is that you?"

Suprised, Kempton looked up at his old-time friend.

"Lucas?" coughed Kempton, soaking wet.

"Kempton, it is you!" exclaimed Lucas as he jumped over to him.

~~~​

Back at Mushroom Kindom Field, Link, Pit, and Captain Bronzekick were all looking at their new-comer. Fox looked up and studied them all.

"What are you three looking at?" asked Fox, in a suprisingly high pitched voice.

"Uhh... Oh... Umm...," mumbled a suprised Pit.

"Who are you?" asked Bronzekick.

"I am Fox McCloud, leader of the intergalactic team," replied Fox.

"Oh yeah, then where is this intergalactic team?" asked Bronzekick.

"They got sepperated from me when we crash landed in this world," responded Fox.

"This guy doesn't look too trustworthy to me," said Pit, finally speaking up.

Fox ran at Pit, but Pit flew up just in time to dodge Fox's attack. Pit pulled out his bow and shot an arrow at Fox, mid-flight. Fox fron-flipped over the arrow and pulled out his laser. Link and Captain Bronzekick joined up with Pit in an epic fight agaist Fox. But right when they were about to charge, when all of the sudden a green pipe came out of the ground. Out popped a guy in a red hat and blue overalls. Shocked, they all took a step back weapons ready. Mario looked around at everyone with their weapons pointed at him. Quickly, Maio spun-kicked Pit, knocking him on his back. Link slashed at him with his father's sword but Mario quickly jumped over it and shot a fireball at Link in mid-air. Captain Bronzekick and Fox then leaped for him, but Mario did a split kick and knocked them both in the jaw. Mario landed with a hand on the ground. He then looked over them all. Pit started to laugh and said,"Welcome to the team."

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SeeU and Miku Hatusne will join the party in the next chapter! So what'd you guys think, any corrections/ suggestions? :?

 

[LordFire]

I kind've speed-read it so I have no suggestions at the moment or corrections. I guess it's good, I'll look into the chapter in more detail...

EDIT: Ahem...

I don't like this one bit. There are a few errors which I will share with you...

"Kempton," asked Lucas? "Is that you?"

Suprised, Kempton looked up at his old-time friend.

"Lucas," coughed Kempton soaking wet?

"Kempton, it is you," exclaimed Lucas as he jumped over to him.

Okay, so here's a few things. There isn't any sentence punctuation in some of the quotes.
" 'Kempton,' asked Lucas? 'Is that you?' "
You should get rid of the question mark after Lucas and de-capitolize the "Is" in the sentence. The reason being is because that is a continuation and not an entirely different quote or sentence.
The question mark should always be in the quotes and only if it is the end of the entire line that character is speaking. In the above quote, " 'Kempton,' asked Lucas? 'Is that you?' " the "asked Lucas?" part is a small pause between the full phrase, just a pause. If you removed it, the quote should still be legible with no errors in grammar.

This is how I would write that:
"Kempton," asked Lucas, "is that you?"

Next problem, again with punctuation...

" 'Lucas,' coughed Kempton soaking wet?"

Okay, a few things. Move the question mark to the end of "Lucas" and get rid of the comma after "Lucas." Put a period after "wet" and a comma after "Kempton." It would look like this:

"Lucas?" coughed Kempton, soaking wet.

I'm 94% sure that is how you would write that in correct grammar.
Now, for my last input. The way you make the characters respond is so bland. You write, "asked Lucas" or, " coughed Kempton." Add some kind of emotion to the writing, change it around so it sounds more interesting. Something a bit more descriptive or just with a higher level of vocabulary. Use an online thesaurus if you can't find anything, just don't put something so bleh.

I'm 93% sure this edit was accurate, but it was sloppy no doubt. That's my 2 cents, I hope you can edit your story to reflect my input. You've made the same mistakes over and over again so I'm pretty sure you don't understand how to write dialogue. Perhaps, when you have the time, Google some tips on how to write it.

 

[Linkanon]

Awesome chapter, dude!! :yes: I can't wait for Ch apter 2!! :xd:

 

[xmajorax]

Pretty good ZH! My only suggestion is when people are asking questions, do this;
"Oh yeah, then where is this intergalactic team?" asked Bronzekick.

Instead of this;
"Oh yeah, then where is this intergalactic team," asked Bronzekick?

 

[LordFire]

I've edited my post, but now I found something else which you can improve on. Make the scenes with a bit more descriptive writing, make a paragraph if you have to. I'd like it if your writing painted somewhat of a mental picture. Make sure to describe that setting sun, those mountains in the distance, the clouds lazily floating in the sky, the cricket chirping on a grand oak tree, and don't forget that shining bronze-man, the light reflecting off blinding us completely.

Anyways, that's my other post. This writing is nice though, I get the basic idea that you're trying and I don't want to put you down. The more you work at your writing, the better you'll get.

 

[ZeldaHunter]

I've edited my post, but now I found something else which you can improve on. Make the scenes with a bit more descriptive writing, make a paragraph if you have to. I'd like it if your writing painted somewhat of a mental picture. Make sure to describe that setting sun, those mountains in the distance, the clouds lazily floating in the sky, the cricket chirping on a grand oak tree, and don't forget that shining bronze-man, the light reflecting off blinding us completely.

Anyways, that's my other post. This writing is nice though, I get the basic idea that you're trying and I don't want to put you down. The more you work at your writing, the better you'll get.

Okay, I can try

"Oh yeah, then where is this intergalactic team?" asked Bronzekick.

Instead of this;
"Oh yeah, then where is this intergalactic team," asked Bronzekick?

I'll go change it :yes:

 

[BakerGuy]

wow. really like it! and its cool how the next chapter will be on my birthday!

 

[ZeldaHunter]

Before we begin the story, I want to dedicate this chapter to BakerGuy! Happy Birthday ^^​

Chapter 2​

Ness, Kempton, and Lucas were all sitting around, cold and wet.

"How'd you even end up here, Kempton?" asked Lucas.

"Back at Tazmily, things aren't so good," replied Kempton.

"What do you mean?" asked Lucas.

"He means that his town blew up, just like ours," said Ness, finally speaking up.

"Correct," said Kempton, "our town did blow up and I was the only survivor."

Lucas and Ness were quiet for a second, taking in what Kempton had said.

"How did you know?" asked Lucas. "How did you know that it was going to blow up?"

"Something just came to me. A picture, or like more like a video, showing the town blowing to pieces," said Kempton. "I quickly dived into the water and swam here."

"The same thing happend to me," responded Ness. "It's psychic. It's a special gift given to special kids."

"And you know this, how?" asked Lucas.

"I wa-"

Ness was interrupted by the sound of something loud. It was coming from behind them. The three turned around and stared into the forest that was behind them. Nothing but brown, hard bark and green leaves. Then, all of the sudden popped out a huge monkey wearing a tie. Kempton glancled at the tie and read "DK." Soon after the large monkey, came out a smaller monkey wearing a red T-Shirt and a red baseball cap. They screached and pounded their chests until they realized that they had company.

~~~​

In The City That Never Was, Sora and Kairi were looking at the storm, just waiting to explode with rain. Where Sora and Kairi lived, everything was dark. The only lights that came was from the moon, which was up all day, the houses, and the castle. The two best friends were sitting on the curb just watching the gray cloud hover by. Lightning flashed and thunder roared.

"When do you think it's going to start raining?" asked Kairi.

"I don't think it matters, who cares, it's always dark in this stupid place," responded Sora.

All of the sudden. The door to the house in front of them slammed open. Both of the friends glanced up. The house was made of wood, and was torn and old. Miku walked out and slammed the door behind her, breaking it as it fell to the ground. Sora and Kairi took a step back.

"You okay, Miku?" asked Sora.

"No, my stupid mother, won't let me leave this place even though I'm 15!" snapped Miku.

"Why do you want to leave?" asked Kairi.

"Are you kidding me? This place is a total city in a dumpster. This place is never light, always dark. This place is always gloomy, never happy," responded Miku.

Kairi was about to say something, but SeeU popped out of the door from the next house down. SeeU was Sora's crush ever since they were little. SeeU had long, flowing blonde hair, and was wearing a black and orange dress with blue buttons.

"Hey, Miku," said SeeU. "Ready to go?"

"No, my stupid mother won't let me leave," Miku replied.

"Wait, you were also planning to leave?" asked Sora, suprised.

"Yes, this place is a total city in a dumpster," replied SeeU. "I need to see different things beside dark-dark- and more dark."

"Wha..?" Sora said, sad as he was going to lose his crush.

"Anyway, Miku, you need to step-up and go with me," said SeeU. "I can't go alone."

"I'll go with you," replied Sora without thinking.

"You're only 13 years old," responded SeeU.

"So," snapped back Sora.

"So, I don't travel with people younger than me," SeeU said.

"I'm going," said Sora. "And Kairi is coming with me. Right, Kairi?"

But when Sora looked at Kairi, she was looking up at the dark, gloomy clouds. The other three also looked up. Up above them was the worst storm and darkest cloud they've ever seen. The rain was pouring down with a tornado right behind it, piking up rooftops and houses all around it.

"RUN!" shouted Miku.

~~~​

Back at Mushroom Kingdom Field, the group was discussing what and how they ended up here.

"I was roaming here, cause' this is where I live, and all of the sudden my town got attacked by a turtle looking guy who sent little brown mushrooms and turtles everywhere," said Bronzekick.

Mario was alarmed by this. He explained to the group who Bowser was and what those mushroom and turtle things were.

"Goombas?" asked Pit. "Well that's a weird name."

"Guys, they took over my city, my friends and family, and whoever this Bowser guy is, we have to stop him," snapped Bronzekick. "Now who's with me?"

They all looked at him with suprise. Then Pit was the first to speak up."

"I'm in!"

"Yeah," nodded Mario.

"Yaaa," said Link.

They all looked at Fox.

"Fine," said Fox as he put his hand in the pile.

"Well, now what?" asked Pit.

"Let's search the area for a bit, you know, see what we can discover," said Brozekick.

They split up in different directions, searching for anything with clues. Fox walked toward the river, and looked inside. He saw flying fish inside and some rocks. Nothing of interest. Bronzekick walked over to a boulder and morphed into a bronze bulldozer. He flipped the boulder over and returned to his normal form. Nothing. Mario walked over to the meadow of flowers, and searched throw them. Nothing. Only Link found something of interest. Link walked toward a cliff when he saw a black portion at the corner. It seemed to be a liquid, like ink, with an orange border. Link stepped closer. All of the sudden, a hand pulled Link into the black liquid and Link got sucked into the Twilight Realm...

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So what's you think of Chapter 2? Any corrections or advice? :? Also make sure to tell BakerGuy happy birthday! ^^

Thanks: ZeldaHunter