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Zelda Art Skyloft Aviators

Libk

Spaceballs: The Mafia Player
Joined
Jul 12, 2011
Location
Spaceball 1
PROLOGUE
Believe it or not, I'm actually dead. It's kinda hard to believe that the son of Link could be killed at such a young age. I'm named after my father. I have 2 Siblings as well. My eldest brother is also dead. Died before he was a year old. Dad always swore it was because of Demise's Curse. My elder sister is named after our mother. She is still alive.
I guess you're probably wondering how it's even possible that I'm writing right now. Well the goddesses, being the all powerful beings they are, have allowed me to write down my story so that it too will become legend. I grew up hearing legends and never thought I'd become legend.
It was always my dream to be like my father. He was the one who defeated Demise. After the defeat of Demise My father and Mother decided to start a new life on the surface world. They eventually wanted everyone to move down, but they had to make peace with the creatures below first. With all my father did for them, the races below had no problem with us humans re-inhabiting the area. It's been 50 years and a lot has changed though.
First of all, not everyone has moved down to the surface. There are still those of us living in Skyloft. Some people stay there as teachers for those who decided to grow up there. My father made a decree that once a child reaches the age of 5, they will have a choice of surface life, or life in Skyloft. I chose to go up in Skyloft.
Loftwing riding has also changed a lot over the years. Now we Fly in squads of Four, all bearing swords to fight on the backs of our loftwings. We grow up with our squad and each squad is given a different color tunic to tell who is who. Each squad also gets it's own robot to send messages to other squads or to carry things we can't. The life of a Skyloft Aviator is pretty simple. We wake up and practice a little bit, then each squad goes out at different hours on patrol. My squad wears black Tunics and we are nicknamed, Storm Riders. Our robot is LD74, or Tinker.
Although none of us have seen real combat, we are said to be the most feared squad in the sky. One of our teachers, Groose, decided this after an exceptionally well practice. He says that the four of us, Me, Kyra, Tarsus, and Dorian, are the best flyers since the time of my father.
In our squads we fly in formation. The normal patrol formation is diamond shaped so that all sides are being watched. Combat formations could be as simple as a line, or we could scatter into a divide and conquer. When in normal patrol, however, I always fly the front. I look ahead and turn left and right every now and then. Tinker is always up front with me. Behind me, watching our rear is Dorian.
Dorian is a stubborn guy but once you get to know him he's really easy to deal with. He has a very serious attitude all the time and is the strongest member of the squad physically. You can see it when you look at him. His face is always stern and his jet black hair is cut extremely short. There are a few scars on his face from practice mistakes. They've all come from his practice he's done on his own. I never know what he's up to but he's there when I need him. I've never seen him smile though.
On my right is Tarsus. Tarsus and I are best friends. We grew up on the surface together in our first five years of life, then decided to become Aviators. Tarsus is always trying to lighten the mood no matter what is going on. I remember one time he made a joke after a training accident and the only one not amused was Dorian. He quickly put Tarsus up against the wall ready to pummel his face in. Tarsus just flipped his hair out of his face and said "Is that the best you've got?" Tarsus had a black eye for about a month after that.
Then we come to my left. On my left side is Kyra. She is the brains of the group, but she's also one of the prettiest girls I've ever met. She has long brown hair and sparkling blue eyes. They're blue like the waters on the surface. I don't really think she noticed me much until after our adventure together started. I guess she just thought Tarsus and I are goofs. But now she's...well you'll find out. To get back on track, Kyra is our strategic expert. Whenever we go out on a mission, she finds the quickest, most efficient way to do it. I don't think our team would be half as good without her.
Now I know I mentioned my father and Demise earlier, and I mentioned them for a reason. See, my father told me that Demise had cursed him and all of his descendants, and that Demise would be reborn to haunt us. This cycle is said never to end. When I first heard this I was 7 years old and my father had come up to the sky to visit. I wasn't fully aware of what it meant at that time. As I got to be about 17 though, I knew that soon I would end up on my adventure to beat Demise. I just didn't realize it would happen while I was so young. I guess I should start on the day of the attack.

CHAPTER 1
There was a knock at the door, but Link didn't want to get up. The previous night, he and Tarsus went out on a late patrol and Link was still tired from it. Link closed his eyes again after being startled awake by the knock. A few seconds after he shut his eyes, he heard the knock again. This time however, he heard the voice of Dorian. "Link. Get up. If you don't, I'm smashing your door down. We need to eat before our patrol today."
Link sighed. "Alright I'm awake. I'll be out soon." he had forgotten that they were first patrol today.
Link got out of his bed and opened his window. As the sunlight flooded in, Link covered his eyes, as they hadn't adjusted yet. He slowly opened his eyes and looked out his window. The sky seemed clear to him and he didn't see why being a few minutes late would hurt. He looked out a little more to see Kyra getting her tunic on over the chain shirt they wore for protection. He smiled a d turned around.
His own room was a terrible mess. His boots were on two sides of his room, his sword underneath his dresser, and tunics and pants thrown all over. He grabbed a random pair of pants and put them on. When he opened his closet to get his chain shirt, he noticed that some of the links were broken and falling apart. He'd have to let Groose know of this. After lazily putting his armor and tunic on, Link grabbed his aviator goggles and put them on his forehead. He didn't put them over his eyes unless he was flying. He was just about to get his boots on when he heard a loud bang on his door. In anger Link shouted as he threw his door open. "Alright I'm waking up!" But when he opened his door it wasn't Dorian knocking, but Some other kid fell and Groose was on top of him.
"Don't you ever say anything about Link's father again. He's twice the man you'll ever be." he lifted the kid up by his tunic and shook him around. "Do you understand me?"
The kid was silent and he looked at Link. He had a look of fear and pleading on his face. Link stepped up and spoke to Groose. "It's alright Sir. I didn't hear what he said. I think you've scared him enough by now."
Groose turned to see Link standing there smiling and trying not to laugh at the situation. He dropped the kid and pushed his hair back into the traditional Groose shape. "Hey there Link. I didn't realize this was your room. So uh, you don't mind what he said?" He said sounding a little embarrassed. "Alright great. Well get to breakfast and then start your patrol." And Groose was gone before Link even got a chance to mention the hole in his armor.
He helped the kid up from his floor and the kid brushed some dirt off of his tunic. The kid looked to be the same age as Link but he was in blue squad. "Hey uh, Thanks." The kid said. He then walked out of Links room before Link had a chance to respond.
The hallways of the aviator academy were empty as Link walked towards the mess hall. He wasn't paying attention much. Instead he was trying to think of what that kid could have possibly said to make Groose that angry. As he was thinking he accidentally knocked into someone who was trying to run past and they both fell on the floor. He stood up and started yelling without realizing who it was. "Hey watch where you're goi....oh. Hey Kyra" he smiled awkwardly as he finally noticed who ran into him. "Aren't you going to breakfast?" he put his hands and the back of his head as he did so, still smiling.
"Oh. I'm sorry Link" She said to him, with a slight look of disappointment on her face. "I have to go take care of my loftwing. I don't have time"
"Oh. Don't worry about it. I'll see you later then?"
"Yeah. We have first patrol this morning" She said. "Bye Link" Kyra began to run down the hall again. As Link watched her he noticed she had her sword on. He could tell she was telling the truth after that, as aviators weren't allowed to bring their swords to breakfast with them. He turned and continued walking to the mess hall.
When he got inside he could see all of the blue squad whispering to each other, no doubt about this morning's event with Groose, and all of the other squads sitting together eating. A remlit was walking in between a bunch of the tables, begging for food from the table. He smiled at the remlit and found Tarsus and Dorian. They were in the middle of a heated argument.
"I'm not saying that it's not dangerous, I'm just saying I want to see some real action. More than just patrolling."
"Tarsus we have to take the patrol seriously. That is action. If we don't do our job, Skyloft could be attacked."
"But I'm talking about fighting Dorian." Tarsus shadow boxed a little bit after his statement. "I'm tired of flying around for an hour or two with nothing to do."
"You just don't understand the importance of patrol. I, honestly, hope we never have to use our swords. I don't want to have to defend Skyloft."
"I thought you of all people would want bash some heads in"
Link cleared his throat loudly so that the two of them knew he was there.
"Ah. I see you finally woke up Link." Dorian said. You could still hear annoyance lingering in his deep voice as he spoke. "Have you seen Kyra? She's not normally late."
"Yeah I have actually." he went over the events in the hallway again in his mind. He must have been zoning because out of no where Tarsus spoke up.
"So. Where is she?"
"Oh. She said something about needing to see her loftwing." he shrugged his shoulders. "It must be true. She had her sword on." Link sat down and started piling food on his plate. The argument between Dorian and Tarsus continued as he ate his food, his mind on Kyra.
Link had a few minutes to prepare before he went to the jump zone to start the patrol. He put his sword on his back and then left his room to go to Groose's office. He knocked on the door but There was no responses. Link looked around and then opened the office door. No one was inside. He figured he might as well leave a note for Groose as to why he was there. He wrote

Groose. I need new chain armor. This shirt has a huge hole in it
Link


He then proceeded to go to the Jump zone to begin patrol. "Goggles on" he commanded to his squad. "at the end of the count, run off and call your loftwing." everyone got ready to run at this statement. "3...2...1...GO" Link ran as hard as he could and when he was quite a few feet below the main island, he whistled for his loftwing. An emerald green bird came underneath him and Link grabbed onto it. He looked behind him to see Dorian getting into form on his black loftwing, Tarsus on his midnight blue loftwing, and Kyra on her deep purple loftwing.
As the patrol drug on, Link found himself staring at Kyra a lot. He kept having to snap back to his senses to keep in formation with everyone. He figured the only reason he was acting like this was because of that late night patrol.
After about an hour or so of nothing going on, the red squad flew up next to Link. "Black squad, you a relieved of patrol duty"
"Thank you sir!" Link and his friends stated as a unit. They broke formation and all headed off to the Lumpy Pumpkin for a bite to eat. After a quick lunch, Link was deep in thought. He watched as Tarsus and Dorian were at it again, and Kyra was dancing to the music. He watched her as she danced and eventually he dozed off.
Suddenly, and voice in his ear woke him. And soon after the the voice, the clap of thunder. He fell out of his chair startled. "What's going on". He stammered. Dorian, Tarsus, and Kyra ran down the stairs of the lumpy pumpkin to stand around Link to wait for instructions.
"Master Link. Brzzzt. Red squad is in trouble. They're being attacked. All squads need to respond." a robot by the name of ZF11 said to him.
"Dorian. Tarsus. Kyra. Get to the skies. I'll be right there in a sec."
"Guess you finally get to see some action." Dorian said to Tarsus., but Tarsus looked like he was afraid. They all went outside into the storm.
"LD74, go down to the surface. Tell my father we need him. Tell him there is a storm up here and there's never been one before" As Link gave his order, Tinker flew out into the storm as well.
Link ran outside and was slapped in the face by cold rain. It was raining harder than it ever had before and Link could barely see. He put his goggles on and whistled for his loftwing. As he flew upwards, the rest of his squad formed a line behind him, following ZF11.
 

Azure Sage

Join your hands...
Staff member
ZD Legend
Comm. Coordinator
I would recommend making the chapter titles a little more obvious. It makes it easier to discern them. Making the titles bold or italic helps with this. Like so:
PROLOGUE

Believe it or not, I'm actually dead. It's kinda hard to believe that the son of Link could be killed at such a young age. I'm named after my father. I have 2 Siblings as well. My eldest brother is also dead. Died before he was a year old. Dad always swore it was because of Demise's Curse. My elder sister is named after our mother. She is still alive.

You also need to double space between paragraphs, otherwise it just looks like a wall of text. Like so:
Believe it or not, I'm actually dead. It's kinda hard to believe that the son of Link could be killed at such a young age. I'm named after my father. I have 2 Siblings as well. My eldest brother is also dead. Died before he was a year old. Dad always swore it was because of Demise's Curse. My elder sister is named after our mother. She is still alive.

I guess you're probably wondering how it's even possible that I'm writing right now. Well the goddesses, being the all powerful beings they are, have allowed me to write down my story so that it too will become legend. I grew up hearing legends and never thought I'd become legend.

It was always my dream to be like my father. He was the one who defeated Demise. After the defeat of Demise My father and Mother decided to start a new life on the surface world. They eventually wanted everyone to move down, but they had to make peace with the creatures below first. With all my father did for them, the races below had no problem with us humans re-inhabiting the area. It's been 50 years and a lot has changed though.

First of all, not everyone has moved down to the surface. There are still those of us living in Skyloft. Some people stay there as teachers for those who decided to grow up there. My father made a decree that once a child reaches the age of 5, they will have a choice of surface life, or life in Skyloft. I chose to go up in Skyloft.

There's also this:
The argument between Dorian and Tarsus continued as he ate his food, his mind on Kyra.
Link had a few minutes to prepare before he went to the jump zone to start the patrol.
There is no clear transition here. There is obviously a transition of either time or location here, but no space between the paragraphs makes it hard to tell. For transitions, it would be better to seperate the paragraphs with triple spacing or three asterisks, like this:
The argument between Dorian and Tarsus continued as he ate his food, his mind on Kyra.


Link had a few minutes to prepare before he went to the jump zone to start the patrol.

Or:
The argument between Dorian and Tarsus continued as he ate his food, his mind on Kyra.

* * *

Link had a few minutes to prepare before he went to the jump zone to start the patrol.

There's also this part:
He looked behind him to see Dorian getting into form on his black loftwing, Tarsus on his midnight blue loftwing, and Kyra on her deep purple loftwing.
As the patrol drug on, Link found himself staring at Kyra a lot. He kept having to snap back to his senses to keep in formation with everyone. He figured the only reason he was acting like this was because of that late night patrol.
After about an hour or so of nothing going on, the red squad flew up next to Link. "Black squad, you a relieved of patrol duty"
You forgot a period at the end of that last sentence. There also seems to be two transitions present here, so like I said earlier, you should make those transitions obvious. Another thing I should mention is the bolded sentence. You didn't really elaborate on that. What happened during the late-night patrol? I would recommend adding a paragraph explaining that right after you mention it, otherwise it leaves the reader with unnecessary unanswered questions.

I also noticed a few errors here and there:
He smiled a d turned around.
You seemed to have pressed the space button instead of the "n" key here.

"I thought you of all people would want bash some heads in"
You forgot a period at the end of this sentence.

"LD74, go down to the surface. Tell my father we need him. Tell him there is a storm up here and there's never been one before"
You forgot a period here too.

Aside from all this, it really seems like an interesting story! I recommend working on how you structure your chapters, and also re-read them once you finish to make sure you didn't make any minor errors. Other than that, it's great! I'm curious to find out what happens next! :)
 

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