• Welcome to ZD Forums! You must create an account and log in to see and participate in the Shoutbox chat on this main index page.

Shadow and the Beast (fanfic)

Xinnamin

Mrs. Austin
Joined
Dec 6, 2009
Location
clustercereal
So I recently had inspiration to try my hand at fanfiction again after a long hiatus. Therefore my writing's probably a bit rusty and any critique is welcome.

Rated PG-13 to be safe, as there are a few incidences of violent diction.


Shadow and the Beast
TP Oneshot, by Xinnamin

Where am I? What am I doing here?

He was cold, the air felt heavy and damp. There was the festering odor of grime and mold hanging about.

Grime, mold, and hay? Was that hay? It smelled like it. My eyes are heavy, I don’t feel like checking.

Why does my wrist hurt so much? And what is that smell? I hope Fado didn’t get the hay wet; those mushroom spores would get all over them. Maybe I should go check. The goats don’t like wet hay.

The young man slowly opened his eyes. He felt groggy, disoriented, all around quite awful. He lifted his head off the ground and looked around, blinking the sleep from his eyes.

What is this place?

The walls were stone, the floor hard and cold, there was indeed a pile of moldy hay in the corner (what terrible storage, leaving hay about in such a damp room) and a broken wooden box leaning against a large iron gate. So large that the gate took up the space of that entire wall.

An iron gate?! Where are the trees? Where’s the soil? Where am I?!

The man tried to get up to his feet, but found that as soon as he stood up, he fell back down with a thud. He shook his head (just a bit dizzy, no big deal) and tried again, to the same result, but this time with the added effect of producing a powerful headache. The man tried to rub his head, only to find that his arm didn’t seem to bend correctly. Confused, he wondered briefly if there was something wrong with his elbow (great. A broken arm is the last thing I need right now). He looked at his arm, and froze.

Fur. Is that fur? Oh goddess why is there fur on my arm!?

Frantic, the man bolted upright again, only to fall with another thud. He scrambled back to his (now four) feet, long claws scraping against the hard stone floor as he attempted to gain his balance. The noise was startling, and he let out a high pitched whimper, which startled him just as much.

Goddess I sound like a dog!

Then it hit him, a panicked epiphany that struck like a lightning bolt. Hysterical and confused, he tried to run, but a pain on his left arm (paw?) jerked him back to the ground. Dazed, he barely managed to make out the chain on his wrist before the panic took over again, more acute than ever.

A prisoner! Goddess what is going on!?

A sudden rage rushed through his body, an unexplainable fury directed at the chain. The chain was there, holding him to the ground. It was something logical, something comprehendible, something he could fight against. He lunged at the chain with teeth he didn’t know he had.

...

From the shadows, a single yellow eye with a bright red iris peered. It’s target, a lone sleeping beast on the other side of that great metal cage. Her eye twinkled with anticipation.

He moved!

The shadow figure smiled to herself, her eye betraying her concealed excitement. She watched as the beast groggily move his head, look about, try to stand up and fail (how infinitely humorous, these silly creatures) and panic. She laughed a little to herself, the wild horror in the beast’s eyes was awfully amusing. She watched him bolt up and fall, run and collapse, giggling inside the whole time.

He’s definitely energetic, but is he good enough? So far, all he’s done is make a fool of himself. Amusing as that is, perhaps I’ve got the wrong beast?

Then he leaped. The shadow figure gasped softly, taken slightly aback at the sudden change in the beast’s temperament. She watched, rather fascinated, as he lunged and ripped at the chain on the ground with a ferocity she’d only seen in the corrupted Shadow Beasts at meal time.

She smirked, (Oh yes, he’s definitely the one) and floated out from the shadows.

...

He gnashed, he ripped, he attacked the chain. He wasn’t even in control; some strange primal instinct had taken over, responded to his rage. His mind took a backseat, as a passenger, watching the beast tear at that chain, knowing it would not break; but the beast did not know, nor did it care. It was focused on that chain, nothing more.

“Hehe. Well aren’t you a funny little thing?”

His ears twitched, the beast shocked frozen, the man regained control.

A voice?

He looked up and saw a strange shadowy creature materialize from the shadows. It smiled, leaping and twisting into the air and through a gap in the upper part of the bars.

It was the strangest creature he’d ever seen: an imp-like thing with huge ears and a body too small for its head. It had on a large stone hat with what appeared to be horns (not very pointy horns though) and bright orange-yellow hair that contrasted sharply with its dull black and white body color (interesting blue markings though. What do you call that shade of blue? Turquoise maybe? I think Ilia liked that color). The eyes, no, eye, was the most intriguing: it seemed to hold in it an ominous knowing…

“I found you!” The creature exclaimed.

What language is that thing speaking in? It’s so strange…I can actually understand it, sounds feminine…maybe she’s not dangerous…but I don’t trust that look in her eye.

He lowered his head, the beast taking over again, and growled. It was a deep, rugged growl, a noise that felt so odd in his throat, clearly meant to intimidate. But the shadow imp just smiled, laughing an ominous little laugh.

“Ooh, aren’t you scary.” She giggled. “Fancy yourself a frightening thing don’t you? Think you can scare off the strange little imp girl?”

What a stuck up little thing this girl!

The anger returned, and with it the full rage of the beast. He snarled, baring his fangs, snapping his jaws, he wanted this enraging thing out of his sight. But the imp was not fazed, rather, she seemed more amused than before.

“Heehee! Are you sure you should be doing that? Snarling and growling at me?” She laughed shrilly. “That’s too bad. I was planning on helping you, if you were nice.” Her eye seemed to twinkle.

Help? Can she help me escape? Can I trust her?

The beast calmed down, and the man regained control. The growling and snarling felt so foreign to his mouth. He stopped and stood up so as to get a better look at this strange girl. Seeing this, her smirk seemed to grow.

“Heehee, that’s much better. You humans are obedient to a fault huh? Oh, but you aren’t human anymore, are you?”

To the man’s surprise, she came up and gave him a few hard pats on the chin, like a little girl who doesn’t know how to be gentle with her new puppy and pets it too hard on accident. But this wasn’t an accident (She’s taunting me!)

“Don’t look so angry!” She exclaimed with fake shock, barely hiding a smirk. “I can’t help that you’re a beast.”

The blind fury of the beast took over again. He didn’t think, he didn’t hesitate, he lashed out with his teeth, yearning to feel the crunch of bones crushing under the force of his jaw and the warmth of fresh blood oozing out of the wounds.

But it was not to be. The imp playfully jumped backwards, laughing, out of harm’s way. “There there, you be a good boy. No need to bite!”

Infernal creature! How dare she mock me like this!

The beast charged, blinded by anger, raging for blood, but foiled by a painful jerk in the leg (accursed chain!). He snarled and snapped, his teeth crunching together, desiring something to smash and crush. His claws were out and ready to tear into the first living thing they reach, scrambling on the stone floor, trying to break away from the chain into the prey. The imp’s eye lit up, and her smirk grew wider.

“Quite the energetic fellow aren’t you.” She whispered, mostly to herself, but the beast’s ears could hear her, thus so could the man. “You know, you aren’t being very nice, but I like that energy you’ve got.” The imp closed her eyes and placed her hands together. The beast, paid this action no mind, but the man could feel something odd.

What is that imp doing? This power, she’s going to attack!

Zzzwwwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip-CRASH!

It happened so fast the man could hardly process what had just occurred. From what he could see of his current position, the chain was broken, he had lunged forward, and now he was laying in the rubble of a thoroughly broken wooded box. A slight whimper escaped his snout; he realized he must have hit his head on the iron gate behind the box. He tried to get up, clear his throbbing head, but found that the imp had chosen this particular moment to stick her head in his face.

“You look kind of surprised!” She giggled (oh goddess she has sharp teeth…what in Hyrule is she?!). “I told you I would help you. That mean little chain’s all gone now!” She laughed, cooing as if to a toddler child.

The man got back to his feet and shook the pain from his head. The imp jumped back, floating up to the gate.

“So! I bet you’re wondering, where exactly are we?!” Suddenly, her body started disintegrating into small dusky particles, floating through the gate! The man looked on, staring in wonder, not knowing what to believe, not knowing what to think.

“Well, I’ll make you a deal.” The imp had a devious look in her eye, a bright, striking orb of light among the dark mass of her dissolved form. “If you can get over here,” she reformed herself on the other side of the gate, “maybe I’ll tell you. Eee hee!”

Goddess what have I been dragged into?
 

Shadsie

Sage of Tales
I like this. This is an interesting and fairly fluid train of thought. I like how invidual character thoughts are done in italics, and how there's a clear break between Link's thoughts and Midna's thoughts. I also like the semi-seperation of the "beast" from the "man." Link, as a "man" thinks coherently, while the "beast" is his blind instinct.

Where you have "Goddess" cited... did you mean "Goddesses" or just singular? If singular, you may want to change it to a particular of the goddesses, such as "Farore" (since she'd be the one closes to Link). It all depends upon if you want to do "Goddess" singular or "Godesses" plural.
 

Nye Pendragon

derparific
Joined
Feb 16, 2010
Location
Equestria
I really like this! I enjoyed the parts in italics; it made it easy to see what Link was thinking as you wrote.
I'm also impressed on how your dialogue was perfectly matched to the actual dialogue in the game. Very nice. :>
And how you described Link, sometimes as a young man, sometimes as a beast was very well done. It gave a lot of emphasis on the whole 'change' Link was going through as he went from 'domestic' to 'feral', if you will. (:

Plus, I loved how you portrayed Midna. You write as her very well~ < 3
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom