*M i d n a*
Æsir Scribe
I've read chapter 1. The opening is quite good, I really enjoyed it. 
I will comment more as I read each chapter, probably will edit this post if no one else posts, so check if you care about feedback.
What little advice I can give you is the following after reading chapter 1. One thing I have learned to correct in my writing from my past stories is the way I too frequently used the "said" word before the character's name of whoever it was that spoke. I don't think it's entirely wrong when used, a writer can certainly get away with it at times. But the way I did it back then, it surely sucked because I did it all too often. In my personal opinion, I have come to understand that putting the name of the character first and then the said word, or any of its synonyms, makes any story flow better. Here is an example of what I mean.
“Yes, my love?” said Zant’s voice from inside the smoke.
And this is how I write most of my dialogue now: “Yes, my love?” Zant’s voice said from inside the smoke. Or: “Yes, my love?” Zant said from inside the smoke. Or this: “Yes, my love?” Zant asked from inside the smoke.
Like I said, that's just something I myself have remedied because when going over some of my stories it seemed so awkward. You don't have to change anything if you love your style.
Edit for Chapter 2:
So Link is married to Ilia. Nice. haha And I guess life for them is not going too well, and besides, Ilia is apparently pregnant. I hope nothing bad comes to happen that will put their 2nd child at risk. I don't have much to say, but perhaps you could always start a new paragraph when people talk, sometimes it's bunched in there together right after someone spoke and doesn't seem right. I only saw this maybe once or twice. I used to do that too, till I learned to just start a new line for anyone who talks.
Chapter 3. So Link has been summoned to the castle by Zelda. Can’t wait to read why. So far I’m liking the story, good job.
Chapter 4: So Link headed out on his adventure to Kakariko Village and got to an inn. Before that he was able to get the shield back in return for a favor. Nice, really nice. I only found something weird, the following quote: “Link? What are you doing here? Don’t tell my parents sent me here to fetch you. Just leave if that’s the case. And why are you dressed in…that getup again?”
If that's the way it was supposed to be written, it's fine, I just thought you meant to say this: “Link? What are you doing here? Don’t tell me my parents sent you here to fetch me. Just leave if that’s the case. And why are you dressed in…that getup again?”
Chapter 5
So Link made his way over to the castle and had his meeting with Zelda. Awesome, can't wait to read the finale. Noticed perhaps a typo when Zelda tells Link to be at ease. You said easy, the word might be ease.
I finished the story. It was a good ending, I liked how Link was helped by Midna, and the last line was also cool. Good job with this.
I will comment more as I read each chapter, probably will edit this post if no one else posts, so check if you care about feedback.What little advice I can give you is the following after reading chapter 1. One thing I have learned to correct in my writing from my past stories is the way I too frequently used the "said" word before the character's name of whoever it was that spoke. I don't think it's entirely wrong when used, a writer can certainly get away with it at times. But the way I did it back then, it surely sucked because I did it all too often. In my personal opinion, I have come to understand that putting the name of the character first and then the said word, or any of its synonyms, makes any story flow better. Here is an example of what I mean.
“Yes, my love?” said Zant’s voice from inside the smoke.
And this is how I write most of my dialogue now: “Yes, my love?” Zant’s voice said from inside the smoke. Or: “Yes, my love?” Zant said from inside the smoke. Or this: “Yes, my love?” Zant asked from inside the smoke.
Like I said, that's just something I myself have remedied because when going over some of my stories it seemed so awkward. You don't have to change anything if you love your style.
Edit for Chapter 2:
So Link is married to Ilia. Nice. haha And I guess life for them is not going too well, and besides, Ilia is apparently pregnant. I hope nothing bad comes to happen that will put their 2nd child at risk. I don't have much to say, but perhaps you could always start a new paragraph when people talk, sometimes it's bunched in there together right after someone spoke and doesn't seem right. I only saw this maybe once or twice. I used to do that too, till I learned to just start a new line for anyone who talks.
Chapter 3. So Link has been summoned to the castle by Zelda. Can’t wait to read why. So far I’m liking the story, good job.
Chapter 4: So Link headed out on his adventure to Kakariko Village and got to an inn. Before that he was able to get the shield back in return for a favor. Nice, really nice. I only found something weird, the following quote: “Link? What are you doing here? Don’t tell my parents sent me here to fetch you. Just leave if that’s the case. And why are you dressed in…that getup again?”
If that's the way it was supposed to be written, it's fine, I just thought you meant to say this: “Link? What are you doing here? Don’t tell me my parents sent you here to fetch me. Just leave if that’s the case. And why are you dressed in…that getup again?”
Chapter 5
So Link made his way over to the castle and had his meeting with Zelda. Awesome, can't wait to read the finale. Noticed perhaps a typo when Zelda tells Link to be at ease. You said easy, the word might be ease.
I finished the story. It was a good ending, I liked how Link was helped by Midna, and the last line was also cool. Good job with this.
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