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Zelda Art Patrons of the Goddesses

TreeHuggerPanda

The tree hugger of Hyrule
Yeah, I finally got the prologue done and I'm about half way through the first chapter (I usually write a part of the next chapter ahead of time so I don't feel guilty for not posting the next chapter, for like, a month). You can still sign up as an extra for the story here. And now let's get started before I begin to ramble on...

(I feel so awkward writing about a male oracle/fortune teller >_>)

Prologue

.......Pandora held a green orb of light in her hands. She glanced around herself and saw she was in a chamber. Beside her and forming a circle, two boys surrounded her, holding an orb of light, only one had blue and the other had red. “The patrons of the goddesses... will be brought together...” A mysterious voice said.
.......Pandora was confused. “What do you mean?!” She shouted as she tried to observe the boy's faces, but the light of the orbs blocked out their faces.
.......“Child...” The voice sounded calming and serene. “Go to the Oracle...”
.......Pandora registered what the voice meant as the Oracle as Luens, a local fortune teller.
.......“Thank you...” She whispered as she began to see a white light and lifting her out of the chamber. She head began to ache and felt light...
.......“PANDA!”

...And find out who interrupted Pandora's dream later:P
 

Jedizora

:right:
Joined
Feb 25, 2010
Finally. This looks good so far, if a bit mysterious. Oh, and Zordo, for once, appeared in the first chapter, even if not by name. But who else could the boy holding the blue orb be, considering he is the patron of Nayru.
 

ChargewithSword

Zelda Dungeon's Critic
Joined
Jan 13, 2009
Location
I don't want to say.
Well, I thought as a starter up, this is alright. I think you could extend your sentences a little more for dramatic effect of the mysterious nature, and use a few more paragraph breaks. Overall, this is a good start.
 

Ganondork

goo
Joined
Nov 12, 2010
Well, I thought as a starter up, this is alright. I think you could extend your sentences a little more for dramatic effect of the mysterious nature, and use a few more paragraph breaks. Overall, this is a good start.​

I agree with him. Sometimes the sentences seemed too short, and then you were off into a new thought. It's a good idea thus far, but it needs to develop on with some of the things going on. The way that you presented the explanation of who the "oracle" was needed a bit more work, as well. You just went outright and said "Yeah, I know her. She's a fortune teller." You could have done it a bit more mysterious like what it seemed like you were going for in this prologue.
 

TreeHuggerPanda

The tree hugger of Hyrule
Finally. This looks good so far, if a bit mysterious. Oh, and Zordo, for once, appeared in the first chapter, even if not by name. But who else could the boy holding the blue orb be, considering he is the patron of Nayru.

This may be logic, but I ain't telln' anything to anyone!:P

Well, I thought as a starter up, this is alright. I think you could extend your sentences a little more for dramatic effect of the mysterious nature, and use a few more paragraph breaks. Overall, this is a good start.

I tried to keep the prologue vague and faint, so sorry for not putting in dramatic effect! I really didn't spend a ton of time drafting or editing because I just wanted to introduce the story.

*suspense* Nice. I'm excited for what's to come! :clap:

Yay! Thanks!:)

I agree with him. Sometimes the sentences seemed too short, and then you were off into a new thought. It's a good idea thus far, but it needs to develop on with some of the things going on. The way that you presented the explanation of who the "oracle" was needed a bit more work, as well. You just went outright and said "Yeah, I know her. She's a fortune teller." You could have done it a bit more mysterious like what it seemed like you were going for in this prologue.

As I said before, I wanted it vague and seem like you as the audience and Pandora not to know anything. I know I should of drafted and added more detail, but I really wanted this to be up so:P

But I promise to draft more and edit more carefully.

And now let's get started with the next chapter!:) (It's short, but I wanted to end with a cliff hanger!)

~Chapter 1~

.......Pandora snapped open her tired, fierce green eyes and felt a soft bed of hay underneath her. She saw that a brown haired, green eyed boy was standing over her, poking her awake. “Panda, seriously. You need to stop sleeping in the stables,” He said.
.......Pandora rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Drake,” She said as she sat up and started to brush off the hay off of her hair and her simple, light green tunic. She glanced around at her surroundings. Many horses, brooding off in their stalls. Various wooden pails of water off to the side. The horrible stench of horse droppings. Yup, this is where I fell asleep. “I was just visiting Epona,”
.......Drake helped her up from the hay and they started to walk over to the blue-eyed, black mane beauty. “Yeah, she's a great horse,” He said. Pandora started to stroke her silky mane as if it was water. “Oh yeah, you coming to Castle town with me?”
.......Pandora thought, Hm... Castle town... She had been to Castle town a couple times and the only thing interesting there was the horde of cats, surrounding an abandoned house. She felt bad for the cats, of course, but she couldn't take them home with her. “Fine, I'll go,”
.......“Today's the Goddess festival,” He explained. “My mom want me to buy some special festival items there, so she allowed me to take you and stay for the festival activities and stuff,”
.......Pandora nodded, “Fine, maybe it will be more fun this time,”
.......Drake laughed, “It isn't my fault I bore you to death,”
.......“So when are we leaving?”
.......“Soon,” He replied.
.......“How soon?”
.......“Like, right now soon,”
.......Pandora stared at the grinning boy. She raised her right hand, but stopped herself before she flew off the handle. She took a deep breath to calm herself. “Okay, fine. Let's go,”
.......The pair exited the stables and into the familiar village scene. Peaceful and slow. Calming and serene.
.......“So is there anything you want to do before we go?” Drake asked as they walked by the stream that ran through the village.
.......Pandora thought carefully at the dream while starring into the clear waters. Maybe I should really go to the Oracle... “Yeah, I'm going to visit Luens,” Drake made a disgusted face. Pandora slapped him across the cheek. “Okay, I know you don't like him, but really? You're just being rude,”
.......“Shut up!” He shoved her into the stream and as Pandora splashed into the cool waters, drops of water dampened his firey red tunic.
.......“You are so dead!” Pandora, now dripping wet, splashed water onto him.
.......“Kids!” A villager woman called out sternly to the soaked pair, almost wanting to lecture the two on not to play in the stream like two-year-olds.
.......“Sorry!” Pandora promptly apologized to her. Pandora got up and started to walk towards Luens's house. She glanced behind her and saw that Drake had a distant look in his eyes, as if he didn't want her to go to the Oracle's house. “I'll be back as soon as I can!” She called out to him, trying to comfort him. I hope he's okay... She thought as she reached for the door handle of his small, cozy house.
.......“Come in...” said a weak voice. Pandora entered the house and saw a white haired, red streaked boy, gazing into a polished crystal ball.
.......“Hi Luens!” Pandora said warmly, maintaining a cheerful, sincere smile. “I'm here about this weird dream I had...”
.......He spoke in the weak, frail voice, “I know, Ms. Trefore,”
.......Pandora clenched her fists at the sound of her stupid last name, but released the anger, “A mysterious voice said that the patrons of the Goddesses will be brought together,”
.......“And they will,” He replied, “I have foretold the exact moment the patrons will be brought together, but I do not know who they are,”
.......“That's okay, Luens,” Pandora said in an apologetic voice. “But when will they be brought together?”
.......Luens looked fixedly into the crystal ball. He didn't speak for a couple minutes. “Today, at the Goddess festival,”
 

MikauIncarnate

Hero of the Zora
Joined
Nov 5, 2010
Location
U.S.
Wow... I did not know that was what the Oracle was when I signed up... whatever. I'm going to go write up some random people to inhabit Castle Town now.
 

Wielder of Aegis

Greetings everypony!
Joined
Jan 26, 2010
Location
The Celestial Plain
Pretty good so far, Panda. Fun characters, engaging storyline, growing suspense, and horses. I like. ^^ Can't wait for Kuri to come in. (send me a PM if you're sure when he'll enter the story.) I need to get back to my fan fic soon...
 

TreeHuggerPanda

The tree hugger of Hyrule
Wow... I did not know that was what the Oracle was when I signed up... whatever. I'm going to go write up some random people to inhabit Castle Town now.

No need. Castle town scene's going to be wrapped up and then an introduction to the quest will all be in the next chapter;)

Pretty good so far, Panda. Fun characters, engaging storyline, growing suspense, and horses. I like. ^^ Can't wait for Kuri to come in. (send me a PM if you're sure when he'll enter the story.) I need to get back to my fan fic soon...

Thanks! I'll be sure to send you a PM^^

I actually tweaked the story from what I imagined it would be, so yeah... enjoy!:)

~Chapter 2~

.......Hm... I'm going to keep a lookout for these patrons... or maybe I'm one of them...? Pandora thought as she grasped onto Epona's silky mane to balance herself on the moving horse. She shook her head. I doubt it... I'm not anything special... She looked upon the road and saw that Winding Path to Hyrule was clear of people today, unusually clear. Okay, this is especially weird with the festival going on and all...
.......“Panda!” Drake, who called out from behind her. “Look!” He pointed to distant figures that were roaming around the gate to Hyrule field. “Monsters!” His horse, Spirit, a black ferocious creature, galloped in next to Pandora and Epona.
.......Pandora blinked her green eyes in disbelief, but grasped the reins tightly to slow down the moving Epona. She drew out her bows. “Get ready!” She shouted as she shot the first arrow at the green moblin, flithy and covered in dirty rags and carrying a club.
.......Drake drew out his sword, but a real one, not his usual wooden one. Where did he get that sword? Pandora thought as she shot her next arrow at a wild boar. He better not of stolen it...
.......Pandora shot another arrow at a moblin. Drake dismounted from his horse and started to attack with his sword.
.......One... Pandora said to herself as she focused her eyes on the last enemy with its back turned to Pandora's view and fighting against Drake. Two... She pulled back the arrow as far as she could. Three. She let go.
.......The arrow hit it perfectly on the back of its head. The goblin collapsed on the field and disappeared into the air.
.......“Good job,” Drake said as he pull away his sword and mounted Spirit again. “We lost time, but we can still make it.” Pandora nodded and put her arrows back into her quiver, which hung loosely around her back. She lightly kicked Epona to get her to start moving again.
.......Once they arrived at Castle Town, they tied Epona and Spirit on a post outside of the bustling town and entered the town. Guards covered the entrances and silently looked out for any suspicious people. Upon arrival, the people of the town were gathering around a white chapel and praying to the goddesses, Din, Nayru, and Farore.
.......Pandora lingered over the chapel, watching them state prayers. Should I pray to the goddesses? She asked herself. She wasn't major religious, but she prayed every once in a while.
.......“Panda!” Drake yelled out impatiently. She turned around and saw that he was pointing at Hyrule Castle, grand and huge as ever. “I heard Queen Zelda's gonna make a speech now!”
.......Pandora jumped up in excitement. She idolized Queen Zelda. She was fair, like any other royalty figure, but she was a fierce opponent on the battle field with deadly archery skills. Pandora immediately regrouped with Drake and both walked over to the crowded town center.
.......The doors that led to the castle propped open. A radiant figure, Queen Zelda, and a figure behind her, equally radiant, gracefully walked out to the town center and a couple paces away from the beautiful water fountain of the three goddesses.
.......Both stopped suddenly and Queen Zelda spoke out, “Good afternoon, Hyrulians and welcome to the Goddess festival!” A cheer came from the crowd, but Pandora and Drake stayed silent. “Today, we honor and celebrate our goddesses, Din, Nayru, and Farore, who created and govern our land,” Her dark brunette hair flowed gracefully in the gust of wind as her simple, gold tiara sparkled in the sun light. “As always, my daughter Eirika will now tell the tale of our goddesses and our hero, Link.”
.......A girl, about a few years older than Drake and Pandora, spoke, “When all was chaos, our three goddesses came together and fought the darkness. Eventually, the darkness fled and the goddesses created the word. Din created the red earth. Nayru created the law of the world. Farore created the inhabitants of the earth to uphold the law. When they were done, they left the essence of their power, the triforce and returned to their home,” She took a deep breath and then continued, “Only years ago, a corrupt man from the West had the desire to use the triforce to take over the blessed land. He began to spread his darkness among the land and a boy clothed in green fought the darkness in the land, hand in hand with the courage of his heart. The corrupt man became scared of this boy, but his desire for power and the sacred land only grew stronger and stron-”
.......“Hee hee hee!” An ominous, childish laugh interrupted the princess. The whole crowd stared at a grey eyed man, standing on top of the goddess, Din. “What a nice story, Princess!”
.......Queen Zelda looked at the grey eyed man. “Who are you? And how dare you interrupt our festival!” She pointed at him. “Guards! Get him!”
.......“Hee hee hee!” The immature laughter filled the shocked atmosphere. “What guards?” He pointed at the goblins who approaching the helpless crowd. “What are you going to do now, without your hero, Queen?”
.......Queen Zelda growled at him, but turned to her daughter. “Escape quickly, my dear daughter.” Eirika nodded and quickly ran back to the castle, avoiding the goblins.
.......“Not so fast, little Princess,” The grey eyed man called out to Eirika. “You cannot escape the darkness.” Blocking her way to the castle, the goblins appeared out of thin air and started to attack her.
.......And then Pandora couldn’t see anything and was bathed in a blinding green light.
 

Jedizora

:right:
Joined
Feb 25, 2010
Well, it seems that Zordo is still out of the piccture. Hopefully that will change sson.
 

TreeHuggerPanda

The tree hugger of Hyrule
Well, it seems that Zordo is still out of the piccture. Hopefully that will change sson.

Actually, Zordo is in this chapter^^

Yeah... not really much to say... enjoy...

~Chapter 3~

.......“Pandora Trefore…” The same mysterious voice said. “You hold an immense amount of courage…”
.......Pandora looked around the floating ghosts and frames that held familiar scenes. “Thank you…” She replied to the voice as she stared down into the deep blue and purple hues of the room. The floor was water except for a small platform which Pandora was standing on.
.......“You have been blessed by me, for this strength of yours…” The mysterious voice continued. “You are destined to save the land from darkness.”
.......Pandora began to question the voice, “Why me? Why me of all people?”
.......The voice turned cold and stale, “Because you were chosen by me.” There was a blinding light and a figure, radiant with a green glow and walking barefoot against the water.
.......Who is this person? Pandora thought as the figure walked closer and closer on the water. Her flowing green hair whipped around as her emerald toned eyes sparkled.
.......The figure smiled genuinely, “Hello Pandora. It’s nice to finally meet face to face.”
.......Pandora was shocked, “Who… who are you?”
.......She giggled, “My name is Farore. I chose you to save the land from the darkness,” She walked closer and closer. “Today, the chosen ones will gather together and will save the town from the monsters.”
.......Pandora wasn’t surprised, “I know, I know.” She said cockily. Do people have to say the same thing over and over again?
.......Farore didn’t say anything about her rude comment. She only smiled eerily, “Child, when you are chosen by the goddesses, you must receive gifts to help you fight and save the land,” She held out both of her hands. A green orb appeared and started to form a weapon. A gold hilt and cross guard was etched with ancient markings that Pandora couldn’t understand. The silver blade’s metallic sheen reflected a bright shine. Farore grabbed the sword by its hilt in one hand and formed a dark green scabbard, “Take this, Pandora.”
.......Pandora plucked the sword off of her hands and held out the scabbard. She swung it around, imitating Drake whenever he practiced. When she finally got the feel of the sword, she put it away and placed the sword inside the scabbard.
.......Farore began to form another green ball of light. It stretched and expanded into an enormous ball of light, almost covering Farore’s kindhearted face. She pushed the ball lightly and it floated to Pandora, “This ball of light will give you essences of my power.”
.......Pandora could smell earthy and spring-like aroma, but felt a fresh breeze wafting through her body. She felt as if her body became heavy, but could withstand anything. Farore spoke, “I have given you the power to protect anyone you wish to defend and the ability to summon winds.”
.......Pandora replied in a quivering voice, “But… but… how can I?”
.......Farore only smiled, “It will come to you when the time comes, Pandora…” She began to fade away in the sapphire and violet tones, “I will be… looking after you… Panda…”
.......Pandora was bathed again in a blinding green light. She closed her eyes for a few moments and when she opened them, she was back at the horrifying scene of the Castle town citizens being attacked.
.......“Hepl us! Someone! Anyone!”
.......Automatically, Pandora reached for her sword, sitting on her hip, Sword? How did it get here? She thought as she gripped her sword tighter and tighter making her knuckles ghostly white. Before her thoughts could catch up, she went auto-pilot and began to attack the goblins encircling Princess Erikia.
.......When there was one left (and when Princess Erikia started to frantically realized that she needed a weapon to fight), Pandora pointed her blade at the last filthy creature. Before she could slice its head off, it was shot by an arrow.
.......Where did that arrow come from? Pandora asked herself as she began to search around for the mysterious person who shot the arrow and also hoping to find Drake to make sure he wasn’t being reckless.
.......“I thought you could use some help,” A voice answered her thoughts. She spun around and saw a brown haired guy with tranquil green eyes holding a fancy bow and plain arrows.
.......“Who are you?” Pandora demanded, “And what are you doing here?”
.......The guy replied, “I was here for the Goddess festival, but when those goblins attacked, I was blinded with a blue light and the goddess, Nayru appeared and told me I was her patron or something,” He shrugged, “What about you?”
.......“Same story only with Farore,” She said as she glanced around and noticed that the central area was getting more and more heavy with the enemies, “We better start getting them taken care of or the town’s going to be overrun by them.”
.......He nodded, “By the way, what’s your name? Mine’s Zordo.”
.......“Pandora, but you can call me Panda.” Pandora continued to attack the goblins, making sure they didn’t wound any civilians before she could attack.
.......Once they freed the town center area, the two regrouped.
.......“I’ll take the eastern part and you take the western part of Castle town.” Pandora explained as she sheathed her sword, “I’m also going to try and find the last patron, seeing that there are three goddesses and only two of us.”
.......Zordo nodded and set off to the western area while Pandora started on the eastern. She decided to use her bow and arrow before she got used to a sword and her archery skills would become rusty. She climbed up a building where there was only scattered debris and no enemies to be found and drew and arrow from her beat up quiver.
.......She focused her eyes on a wandering goblin, clueless on where it was supposed to go and not attacking any nearby civilians. She directed her arrow to aim for the goblin’s head and pulled on the string out. She released the arrow. It hit someone that would not forgive her even if she begged and apologized a million times.
.......It hit Drake Markstein.
 

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