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Dungeon killer

Dungeon's Shall Fall!
Joined
Jul 9, 2009
Location
Destroying Dungeons.
Hey guys I'm posting this story here and I would like you guys to read it, and also if you have any comments on it please be welcome to either post them here on this thread or pm me anytime. I will also be updating my story as I think of it, if you want feel free to rank this story and its going to be rated PG-13. I have updated and have added Chapter 1 enjoy. I have now added on Chapter 2 enjoy.


The legend of Zelda

Dark link’s resurrection

Prologue

A long time ago the Hero of time Link set out on a journey to seal his abomination Dark Link back inside the dark realms where he came from. Link had gathered three ancient artifacts to complete his mission and banish Dark Link forever, the first artifact was The Stone of Agony, the second was The Precursor Tablet, and the third was Dark Realm Mirror. After finally locating Dark Link, Link and his abomination dueled it out until Link combined all three artifacts into one to create The Trident of Realms, The Trident has one effect if it hits a dark spirit from the dark realm, it will banish that being in the dark realm forever and vice versa for the light spirits. So then Link stabbed Dark Link with the Trident imprisoning him in the dark realm forever, or so he thought for if the Trident ever separated back into the three artifacts the effect would wear off allowing any spirits that had been stabbed would return back to the light realm. And so did Dark Link with a vengeance, it all happened when Sakon the Thief heard about a golden Trident that whoever held it gave that person immortality, after hearing the story Sakon snuck inside Hyrule Castle and found the Hylian Royal Hylian Treasury and stool the trident not knowing its true power. Three days passed, during that time Sakon had ran away to the Forest and hide there until he accidentally split the trident and before him laying on the ground were the three artifacts, suddenly three dark streams of spirit energy rushed out of each artifact and they started to circle each other until they became a small rotating ball of energy and they spread out in different directions until they formed into a young Hylian man with a sword and shield strapped on his back. Sakon frightened started to run away but the dark figure stretched out his arm and his hand shot out like an arrow and caught Sakon in his expanded arm. Then he pulled his arm back in and dragged Sakon back until he was face to face with the thief and asked “where is LINK!?” “I don’t know how you’re talking about” said Sakon chocking, then the dark figure sucked the life energy out of Sakon and threw his dead body on the ground. “Useless light spirit you have not even a suitable amount of life energy to consume.”
Said the dark figure disappointed. Know to hide these artifacts so my goody goody light abomination Link can’t imprison me back in the dark realm again and then I will get revenge in blood.
Chapter 1

Discovery

Tap tap tap, Edward the patrol guard was checking all the rooms in the castle to see if there were any break-ins so far all the other rooms were okay, good morning said Edward as he passed one of the Honor Guards who protected the Royal Treasury from unwanted visitors, Edward came upon the door he opened it and saw glass scattered all over the floor and that the trident that was held inside the now broken case was gone. Guard guard! “What happened in here, were you not guarding the Treasury Room last night” said Edward “we were but how did someone get in here” said the Guard. We must alert Princess Zelda immediately, Meanwhile on Hyrule Field, “sigh” “how many times do I have to tell you Navi I will return the Master Sword when I feel that Hyrule is safe okay” said Link “Hyrule is safe you just want to keep it because you feel like you’re the Mighty Hero of Time with your big bad Master Sword and nothing can stand in your way because you have defeated the Lord of Evil Ganondorf ” said Navi “No, because your just jealous because you can’t even fight of a maggot” said Link. Hahahaha, “not funny” said Navi twitching, who is that “over there farther up” said Navi trying to make out the dark shape “he or it seems familiar to me” said Link “lets go check out if it’s okay” said Navi, Link than began running over to the dark figure about have way till Link got to the figure it vanished out of thin air, “what is going on” said Link “I have finally located you, you are not that hard to trick” said a strange yet familiar voice that Link thought he had heard before “hahahahah, after five years you don’t even recognize my voice how shameful” said the voice “show yourself however you are” said Navi. Suddenly a dark figure appeared with a sinister smile on “no it can’t be” said Link “muhahaha, now you recognize me, are you ready to face your doom goody goody boy” said Dark Link sinisterly.

Chapter 2
The Search Begins
“But how did you escape, I sealed you in the dark realm!? Said Link in shock, “you could thank that thief Sakon for my return, after he stole that cursed trident he must have fiddled with it because he got the trident back into those artifacts and released my spirit energy, then I hid those artifacts and then I came here too kill you for imprisoning me in that realm of shadows” said Dark Link “but I thought you would like being in back home where you belong” said Link “good thing you kept the master sword, I guess I was wrong again” said Navi. “Are you ready to rumble” said Dark Link “even though I don’t have the Trident of Realms I will find a way to defeat you” said Link suddenly both Link and Dark Link drew there swords and shields and they lunged at each other and went into a sword lock both putting all there strength into there swords to push the other down, then Dark Link tripped Link with his foot and stabbed at the ground barley missing while Link dodged it, Link then jumped up and slashed at Dark Links hat slicing it in half but it regrew as if it were part of Dark Links body, than Dark Link attacked Link with a storm of sword strikes Link blocked them with his trusty shield but noticed every single time he attack Dark Link added more strength, then Link began to feel very tired and fell to the ground on his knee’s panting very fast. “This victory was too easy, I will let you live but next time we duel I will not be as merciful as I am now, fight me when you are truly ready weakling” said Dark Link and then he vanished out of thin air, “Link are you okay” said Navi, “ I’ve never felt this tired before in my life, I think Dark Link was draining my strength when we met sword to sword or sword to shield, but enough of this lets go find those artifacts” said Link, “no, we must go to the castle to see Zelda and tell her the news, and so you can get rest” said Navi “agreed” said Link tiredly.
 
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Shadsie

Sage of Tales
For an honest opinion:

You have an interesting setup here, but this reads more like a story outline than a story or even a prologue. There's something in the writing world that's called "Show, Don't Tell." It can take young writers a long time before they get a grasp on it. I have to watch myself constantly on that, myself.

"Show, Don't Tell" basically is this: Try to lead your reader into the story. Describe a setting, a scene, or the emotions of a character and write from that perspective rather than just laying everything out on the table like a text-book. (Unless a text-book style is what you are going for).

Also, when a character is speaking to another character, you need to use quotations. Example:

"I don’t know how you’re talking about!" said Sakon, choking,...

Don't take this as a shooting-down of your ideas. You have some interesting ideas here - the execution just needs a little work. That's why you posted it here with the poll, right? To get some input and help from folks?
 

Dungeon killer

Dungeon's Shall Fall!
Joined
Jul 9, 2009
Location
Destroying Dungeons.
Here is Chapter 3 enjoy!

Chapter 3
An Unreliable Ally
“Now to start the next phase of my plan, to find a reliable allies so I can build my army to over run Hyrule Castle and become the ruler of Hyrule” said Dark Link while walking down a path in the lost woods, “an ally you seek” said a dark deep voice, Dark Link drew his sword and shield and looked around to see where the voice came from, “do not be alarmed friend I am here to become your ally” said the voice, “why would you like to be my ally” said Dark Link, “because I have a gift to grant you, I heard you mumbling about creating an army, but with my gift you can make an army in a heart beat, but in my current form I have not the power to grant you this gift, but there is a cure for the curse that made me venerable, it is called the “Gerudain Sand Crystal” said the voice relishing. “So if I acquired this “sand crystal” you will grant me this wish that you talk about!?” said Dark Link, “ohh I will grant you the power alright but you must sacrifice some of your dark life energy to the crystal after you bring it to me, and then you will have your power.” Said the voice, “do you have any idea where this crystal might be, whoever you are?!” said Dark Link, “I do know the location of the crystal.” said the voice, “so if you know why don’t you get it yourself?” said Dark Link, “remember I am in a weakened state and can only speak with those who are in this realm, and I can’t touch either!” said the voice, “okay then, so where is this crystal located?” said Dark Link, “it is located in the great desert north of the gerudo fortress, in the desert you must locate a small stone outpost near a large lake of devil’s sand, once there you must find your way inside the outpost and take the crystal from inside the small chamber.” said the voice with slight anxiety, “hmm.. that is some way from here, are you sure that is the exact location of the crystal?” said Dark Link warningly, “I’m as sure as fairy on a running horse!” boomingly said the voice, “speaking of horses I should make me another of those shadow horses to get over to the desert faster.” said Dar Link. He then extended an arm and shot out a beam of shadow energy that turned into the form of a black stallion, and then Dark Link mounted the horse and rode of out of the clearing.

“It seems you are easier to trick than a mouse” said the voice, suddenly a figure appeared, it was a small hump-backed woman on a flying broom with a large red crystal on her head, “have you tricked that stupid dark abomination Kotake?” said Koume, “yes, it was easier than I expected.” Said Kotake, after transforming into her true form, “than phase one has been completed now to, wait for him to return with the first of the items we need to resurrect the dark lord, so he will reign again.” said Koume, she then disappeared and Kotake returned to her helpless disguise and started to wait for Dark Link.
 
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