Most Ridiculus Thing You've Said Today

[pkfroce]

(Playing Mario Kart Wii Online with friend while talking over the phone.)

Friend: Rainbow Road!
Me: AWWW YEAH!
Friend: Ready to die?
Me: HAHAHA Nope.
*Race begins*
Me: GUESS WHO'S IN FIRST *****
*Friend proceeds to ram me off of the beginning ramp*
Me: GO **** YOURSELF WHILE EATING A PIECE OF ****
Friend: HuehehehehAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

[videogamenerd10]

Friend: You know, it's always boring playing as a cop in this game.
Me: Maybe you should give it arrest.
Friend: Yeah... wait a minute.

 

[SCP-173]

me: hey bro wanna play some cry of fear?

friend:sure

10 minutes into the game

me:hey bro

friend: what

me: look behind you

friend:theres nothing behi-- HOLY ****-- (gets killed by sawrunner)

me:so how does it feel to have a chainsaw in the ***?

friend leaves game

 

[*M i d n a*]

Wowzers! *When I saw how great looking my check was*

 

[CynicalSquid]

My sister: Narnia!!

Me: You know, at the end of this movie they come out of the closet.

*Awkward silence*

My mom: Yes, you are very funny and observant

 

[pkfroce]

Me: No Dad! I was actually... doing mega crunches!

Dad: What!?

Me: It's where you do crunches, but you slam your head against the ground when you go down!

 

[CynicalSquid]

Guy talking to me at lunch: *Talking about religion*
Me: What if there was a Muslim cow?
Guy talking to me at lunch: ...
Me: It would be Mooslim.
Guy talking to me at lunch: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT!?
Me: I am probably going to hell now.

 

[linkypete]

"you know, you really look like me when I was a girl"

My friend tried to creep me out by hugging me, holding my shoulders and staring at me, and telling me that she was trying to creep me out. Today I showed her how it was done by saying that, and she just stared with her jaw gaping open until I told her that it was to show her how creeping people out is done.

 

[linkypete]

I was leaning on my friend's shoulder today and to get me off, he shoved his elbow into my armpit, and it worked. the second he did that, I yelled, "GET YOUR FILTHY WENIS OUT OF MY ARMPIT!"

 

[DJ Hookshot]

"i'm listening to bring me the horizon and getting butterflies. who does that??"

 

[Burning Beast]

Zim balla bim!

 

[linkypete]

WE ARE THE WENIS RAPISTS!