General Art Legends of Carabu By, Linkanon

[Linkanon]

Hey guys, this is my new story. Hope you guys like these! ^^

LEGENDS OF CARABU:
PROLOUGUE: JOEY AND SAVANNAH

One fine, summer day, a young boy of 13 named Joey sat in the fields of his hometown, Carabu. The lush, green fields covered a large area of the world he lived in. This world isn't like ours: we're not even CLOSE to being where it is and as upgraded in tech it is. It's not even in our galaxy, The Mily Way, it's in a whole different one, called "Galaxy Omega", as it is the biggest, techiest galaxy out there. It has more things than our minds can even comprehend, worlds greater than you can imagine. One of the worlds holds the lands of Carabu, Takami, and Xeno. This world is known as "Gaia". Carabu is the lush greenery of Gaia. Takami is the part of Gaia with big, busy cities. Xion is the land no one dares venture to, the land of torture and terror. The other 2 worlds in Galaxy Omega are called "Yoran" and "Terre". Each world has their own version of each other, one third busy cities, one third lush greenery, the last third torturous and cruel. Now back to Joey: he sat in the green fields, enjoying the scenery of the cities at the end of the foothills. He saw a shadow above him. Joey turned around and saw his girlfriend, Savannah. "Oh, hey, Savannah!" Joey said. "Hey, Joey, whatcha doin?" Savannah replied. "Just looking out at Takami." Joey turned his head towards the cities. "Oh, mind if I sit with you?" "Not at all." Joey moved over so Savannah could sit down. They stayed silent for a while. About 10 minutes later, Joey saw something out of the corner of his eye. "What was that?" he got up. "What was what?" Savannah asked. "I saw something over there." Joey pointed at a large boulder. Savannah got up. "Let's go check it out then."

* * *

When they reached the boulder, they were puzzled. "How are we supposed to move this?" Joey asked. "Let's just try." Savannah pushed the boulder. Joey did, too. With their combined strength, they managed to push the boulder just enough to open a crevice big enough for someone to crawl through. So, they did. The cave was narrow and dark. Occasionally, the two bumped into walls, but soon enough, they came to an opening in the tunnel lit my a lamp. They crawled out. There was someone sitting in a chair in front of a fireplace, looking as if he was reading something.Joey and Savannah quietly came closer to the chair. Abruptly, the man jumped up and held his hand out towards the couple. "Haro-tabu-nashi!" A blue beam of light shot towards Joey. As soon as it hit him, he froze solid. "JOEY!" Savannah yelled. "Haro-tabu-nashi!" Savannah was frozen in less than a second. "What a predicament you two are in... BWAHAHAHA!!"




ALso, I decided to cancel the sign-ups because no-one would reply...


Hope you liked it!

~Linkanon~

 

[Raindrop14]

Awesome story! Though you need to use some spacing like:

When they reached the boulder, they were puzzled.
"How are we supposed to move this?" Joey asked.
"Let's just try."
Savannah pushed the boulder. Joey did, too. With their combined strength, they managed to push the boulder just enough to open a crevice big enough for someone to crawl through. So, they did. The cave was narrow and dark. Occasionally, the two bumped into walls, but soon enough, they came to an opening in the tunnel lit my a lamp. They crawled out. There was someone sitting in a chair in front of a fireplace, looking as if he was reading something.Joey and Savannah quietly came closer to the chair.
Abruptly, the man jumped up and held his hand out towards the couple.
"Haro-tabu-nashi!"
A blue beam of light shot towards Joey. As soon as it hit him, he froze solid.
"JOEY!" Savannah yelled.
"Haro-tabu-nashi!"
Savannah was frozen in less than a second.
"What a predicament you two are in... BWAHAHAHA!!"

Instead of all that squishing.

You cancelled the sign ups! Had I seen it I would have signed up!D: Oh well, I suppose what is done is done. Can't wait till chapter one!

 

[Myriadviper42]

Interesting chapter, I agree with everything Raindrop said, but it will be interesting to hear about the people's adventures in 'Galaxy Omega.' It could use some improvement, it seemed a bit too choppy, and you basically gave us characters with barely explaining them. Other than that, it seems good, this could turn into a really good story.

 

[theothernavi]

I like this. It seems like an interesting story, and I can't wait for what's next.

 

[Linkanon]

Hey guys, here's chapter one! Hope you like!

LEGENDS OF CARABU
CHAPTER ONE: ABIGALE

It was too late for Joey to do anything: he was frozen. So all he could do is sit there and wait to thaw out. But how? It WAS magic ice, afterall. So Joey waited. And waited. And waited, for what seemed like hours. Eventually, he fell asleep.

***

Once he woke up, the first thing he saw was his friend, Abigale.
"Are you okay, Joey?" Abigale asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine, Abbey." Joey replied.
Joey got up. "How'd I get unfrozen? And where'd that old dude go?!"
"What old dude?" Abbie looked confused.
"You know, that guy that froze Savannah and I." Joey said.
"There wasn't anyone in that cave when Axle and I found you."
"WHAT?! So he got away?!" Joey got out of the bed he was in.
"Woah, woah, woah, Joey, you're not fit to be running around looking for imaginary friends." Abigale pushed him down back onto the bed.
Joey sighed. "Fine... but what about Savannah?"
Abigale looked away.
"Abbey... what happened... to Savvanah?!" Joey started to lose his temper.
"Come and have a look..." Abigale led Joey to another room where Savannah stood... still frozen.
"SAVANNAH!" Joey rushed up to her.
"We've been tryign to unfreeze her for days, three to be exact." Abigale said.
"THREE DAYS?!?! I've been asleep for THREE DAYS?!"
"Well... yes..."
"How can we save her?! I'll go to XENO if I have to! Just tell me how to save her!" Joey stared tearing up.
"Xeno is the only place where the fire used to melt this kind of ice can be found on this world... but you can't go there, Joey, it'll be too dangerous!"
"I'LL GO TO THE EDGES OF OMEGA FOR SAVANNAH!" Joey started crying.
Abigale was a mixture of mad and sad: she was mad at Joey because she had a crush on him ever since they met, and she also felt bad for him.
"Well... if you go, I'll go!"
Joey looked up.
"I'll go with you to save Savannah! Plus, I know where the fire is, and how to get it. Pack your bags, Joey, we're going to Xeno!"
________________________________________________________________________________

Hope you guys liked it! Chapter 2 will have to wait unti lat least Monday, probably Wednesday, because that's when I get out of school. Hope you like d Chapter one, though!

~Linkanon~ o.o

 

[Raindrop14]

Yay my character came in! Her are the things I found though:

It was too late for Joey to do anything: he was frozen.

So all he could do is sit there and wait to thaw out. But how? It WAS magic ice, afterall.

So Joey waited. And waited. And waited, for what seemed liek hours and hours.

Eventually, he fell asleep.

You could have put this into one paragraph like this:

It was too late for Joey to do anything: he was frozen. So all he could do is sit there and wait to thaw out. But how? It WAS magic ice, afterall. So Joey waited. And waited. And waited, for what seemed liek hours and hours. Eventually, he fell asleep.

These are all just misspellings.

Joey got up. "How'd I get unfrozen? And where'd that old dued go?!"

"Woah, woah, woah, Joey, you're not fit to be running around lookign for imaginary friends."

"THREE DAYS?!?! I'vebeen asleep for THREE DAYS?!?!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Abbey... What. Happened. To. Savannah?!"

You didn't need this many one word sentances. You could do this:

"Abbey... What, happened... To, Savannah?!"

Abigale was a mixture of mad and sad: she was mad at Joey because she had a crush on him ever since they met, and she also felt bad for him. "Well... if you go, I'll go!"

Here you would do this:

Abigale was a mixture of mad and sad: she was mad at Joey because she had a crush on him ever since they met, and she also felt bad for him.
"Well... if you go, I'll go!"

You also don't need to double space your paragraphs.

It was a very good chapter though. But it's sad we have to wait till either Monday or Wednesday.:cry:

 

[Myriadviper42]

Pretty good, quite interesting, I can't wait to see how things turn out.

 

[Linkanon]

HELLO. IF YOU REALLY WANT TO SEE MY ORIGINAL CHAPTER 2, GO TO THE THREAD "THE LOST STORIES AND CHAPTERS OF LINKANON FAN-FICS."


THANK YOU.

Yay my character came in! Her are the things I found though:



You could have put this into one paragraph like this:



These are all just misspellings.




-----------------------------------------------------------------------


You didn't need this many one word sentances. You could do this:





Here you would do this:



You also don't need to double space your paragraphs.

It was a very good chapter though. But it's sad we have to wait till either Monday or Wednesday.:cry:

I edited it, tell me if there are any more errors!

 

[Raindrop14]

The second chapter looks great.

The third chapter seemed rushed though. Third chapter and they already have the fire, seems to me like there wasn't enough going on in between. There could have been some character development in between or something. You could also get a little more descriptive of the scenery. Over all though I liked it.

Can't wait till chapter four!

 

[Myriadviper42]

Pretty good, although the scene with the villain was short and felt a little unneeded. Otherwise, good chapter.

 

[Linkanon]

The second chapter looks great.

The third chapter seemed rushed though. Third chapter and they already have the fire, seems to me like there wasn't enough going on in between. There could have been some character development in between or something. You could also get a little more descriptive of the scenery. Over all though I liked it.

I didn't have much time to type Chapter 3. I think I might remake it instead of doing Chapter 4. There should ahve been a fight scene or something.

Pretty good, although the scene with the villain was short and felt a little unneeded. Otherwise, good chapter.

Guess who the "villain" is? I'm gonna remake it instead of Chapter 4, again, not much time to type Chapter 3, what was it, Saturday night? Yeah.

 

[Linkanon]

Here's that remake I was talking about!

LEGENDS OF CARABU
CHAPTER 2= RE-MAKE: ARIZ RAZEN

Joey went home to pack his bags. He lived alone, so there wasn't anyone to say goodbye to.
Abigale and Joey met at the edge of Carabu, bags packed and ready to go.
"You ready?" Abigale asked.
"...Ready," Joey and Abigale walked down the hill towards Takami. Once they reached the first of many cities, they found a hotel and stayed there that night.
They had some fun: they went out to eat, went to the arcade for a bit, and watched TV for a little while. Then, they fell asleep.
The next morning, they woke up adn had some breakfast and set off for the 2nd town. The whole time, Joey kept turning around, like he felt someone was watching him from behind...

..or above. The man sat in his chair, observing the two. "Haha... I found you Joey." He got up. "Time for some FUN."
Guns, knives, swords, and more covered the walls of the mans room. Aris Razen grabbed his gun and set off to the 5th city of Takami: the City of War.

Joey and Abigale reached the 2nd city in an hour or so, and they decided to keep going on. They made it to the fourth city in a few more hours.
They stayed the night at a hotel, and set off for the City of War the next morning.

Aris Razen stood at the edge of the City of War, wating for Joey and Abigale. They reached the City of War in a few hours, and made it to the edge of town.
"Why hello, children." Aris said.
"Who are yo- wait, YOU! You're the man that froze Savannah and I! Why, you little-!" Joey put up his fists.
"Or am I..." Aris waved is hand over his face, "...this man?" Aris's face had turned into it's original form, that of a young teenager.
"Who are you?!" Joey yelled.
"I am Aris Razen, 'Master Observer.' I've been watching you two." Aris replied.
"Crazy stalker. You're dead!" Joey charged forward.
"You'll need this." Aris threw a watch in the air.
Joey didn't trust it, but his finger slipped and it hit a button.
The watch almost instantly turned into a sword.
"WOAH!" he screamed. "Heh... THIS is more my style!" he charged.
Aris shot his gun. Joey miraculously deflected it with his sword.
"HYAAA!" Joey jumped, and Aris's gun changed into a sword.
They pushed eachother back for a minute or so, and eventually Aris broke Joey's strength.
"Aah!" Joey flew backwards.
"Let me try, Joey!" Abigale charged foward. A ball of light shined in her hand. "Toranus, mekihu!"
The ball flew towards Aris, but his sword chanegd into a sheild. "Uh-uh-uh!"
BASH!
Abigale flew back. When she landed, she saw blood gushing out of the wound Aris's sheild gave her.
"Abigale!" Joey yelled. He tried to get up, but he wasn't fit to be fighting yet.
"Let me handle it from here."
Joey and Abigale turned around.
There stood a girl of about 14.
"Who are you?" Joey asked.
"Me? I'm Sela. Sela Alaan." the girl said. She carried a sword in each hand. "HYAA!"
She jumped to an incredible height and slashed diagonal with both.
Aris blocked, but still took the brunt of the attack.
"Why, you-!" Aris started.
But Sela had already started attacking again. She slashed at incredible speeds, Aris barely blocking the blows.
"STOP!" Aris yelled. "Dont think this has ended just yet!" he jumped onto a building and disappeared.
Joey looked up at Sela, and then blacked out.
________________________________________________________________________________

Wow, that was a long chapter! I didn't even know it was gonna be this long when I was typing it! Well, hope you enjoyed this ten-times as long as the original Chapter 2! C u guys later!

 

[Raindrop14]

This was way better! I can't wait till then next chapter!

 

[Linkanon]

I't'll probably be up tomorrow or Thursday.

 

[Raindrop14]

Hooray!

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