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General Art Legends of Carabu: Attack of the Bulbins

Linkanon

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Location
Gotham
Gender
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You know what? Here it is, about twenty daya early!! Legends of Carabu: Attack of the Bulbins! Here's the prolougue: enjoy! :)

Prolougue

They all arived in Takami in seconds.
Aconar and Zelda Hunter said their goodbyes and walked on home.
Then they all transported to Sela's house, where they found Abigale better than ever.
Abigale and Joey waved goodbye to Sela, and transported back to Carabu.
They all went to Savannah's house to un-freeze her.
When they got inside, they were confronted with a girl in a piece of ice.
"Savannah..." Joey touched the ice. "Don't worry, we'll save you!"
Joey pulled otu Din's Fire and stuck it on the ice.
It started to melt, and Savannah coughed and fell down.
"Savannah!" Joey put her in his arms. "Are... are you okay?"
Savannah opened her eyes. "J-Joey?"
"Yeah, Savannah, it's me." Joey kissed her.
Abigale turned her had away; after all, she was in love with Joey.
Luckily, when Abigale turned around, she noticed fire in the fields, coming towards the house.
Then torches. Then arms. Then heads. Then bodies.
"Bulbins!" Abigale screamed.
"Uh-oh. Wait, what the heck are 'bulbins'?" Joey asked.
"They're these monster things that serve King Bulbin, this ugly, fat bulbin who rides a giant pig." Abigale replied.
"Oh, gross." Joey said. "Savannah, stay here, you're too weak to be fighting those things."
"No, it's okay, I have my magic." Savannah got up and stumbled.
"No, you're not in shape to fight." Joey led her towards her bed.
"Joey, I'm fine!" Savannah coughed.
"Please, Savannah, just this one time." Joey begged.
"..." Savannah looked into Joey's eyes, and he looked into hers. "Okay. I'll stay. Just... just promise me you'll be careful?"
"I promise." Joey smiled. "Ready, you two?"
"Ready, Joey." Abigale and Zelda said.
They all charged out the door.
Abigale used her fire.
Zelda, her light arrows.
Joey, his sword.
"Here we go again!"

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

If you didn't notice, that was the last paragraph of the last chapter of the original Legends of Carabu. ;) Well, cya later!

~Linkanon: Zora Ninja~
 

Raindrop14

Soldier for Christ!
Joined
Jan 29, 2011
Location
E-Arth
I noticed!^^ But here's what I found...

They all arived in Takami in seconds.
Aconar and Zelda Hunter said their goodbyes and walked on home.
Then they all transported to Sela's house, where they found Abigale better than ever.
Abigale and Joey waved goodbye to Sela, and transported back to Carabu.
They all went to Savannah's house to un-freeze her.
When they got inside, they were confronted with a girl in a piece of ice.
"Savannah..." Joey touched the ice. "Don't worry, we'll save you!"
Joey pulled otu Din's Fire and stuck it on the ice.
It started to melt, and Savannah coughed and fell down.
"Savannah!" Joey put her in his arms. "Are... are you okay?"
Savannah opened her eyes. "J-Joey?"
"Yeah, Savannah, it's me." Joey kissed her.
Abigale turned her had away; after all, she was in love with Joey.
Luckily, when Abigale turned around, she noticed fire in the fields, coming towards the house.
Then torches. Then arms. Then heads. Then bodies.
"Bulbins!" Abigale screamed.
"Uh-oh. Wait, what the heck are 'bulbins'?" Joey asked.
"They're these monster things that serve King Bulbin, this ugly, fat bulbin who rides a giant pig." Abigale replied.
"Oh, gross." Joey said. "Savannah, stay here, you're too weak to be fighting those things."
"No, it's okay, I have my magic." Savannah got up and stumbled.
"No, you're not in shape to fight." Joey led her towards her bed.
"Joey, I'm fine!" Savannah coughed.
"Please, Savannah, just this one time." Joey begged.
"..." Savannah looked into Joey's eyes, and he looked into hers. "Okay. I'll stay. Just... just promise me you'll be careful?"
"I promise." Joey smiled. "Ready, you two?"
"Ready, Joey." Abigale and Zelda said.
They all charged out the door.
Abigale used her fire.
Zelda, her light arrows.
Joey, his sword.
"Here we go again!"
Good job, you didn't make it all in one paragraph. Although, you can still combine sentences as long as they aren't dialogue. And when you can't use TAB, space them. Like this:

They all arived in Takami in seconds. Aconar and Zelda Hunter said their goodbyes and walked on home. Then they all transported to Sela's house, where they found Abigale better than ever. Abigale and Joey waved goodbye to Sela, and transported back to Carabu. They all went to Savannah's house to un-freeze her. When they got inside, they were confronted with a girl in a piece of ice.

"Savannah..." Joey touched the ice. "Don't worry, we'll save you!"

Joey pulled out Din's Fire and stuck it on the ice. It started to melt, and Savannah coughed and fell down.

"Savannah!" Joey put her in his arms. "Are... are you okay?"

Savannah opened her eyes. "J-Joey?"

"Yeah, Savannah, it's me." Joey kissed her.

Abigale turned her had away; after all, she was in love with Joey. Luckily, when Abigale turned around, she noticed fire in the fields, coming towards the house. Then torches. Then arms. Then heads. Then bodies.

"Bulbins!" Abigale screamed.

"Uh-oh. Wait, what the heck are 'bulbins'?" Joey asked.

"They're these monster things that serve King Bulbin, this ugly, fat bulbin who rides a giant pig." Abigale replied.

"Oh, gross." Joey said. "Savannah, stay here, you're too weak to be fighting those things."

"No, it's okay, I have my magic." Savannah got up and stumbled.

"No, you're not in shape to fight." Joey led her towards her bed.

"Joey, I'm fine!" Savannah coughed.

"Please, Savannah, just this one time." Joey begged.

"..." Savannah looked into Joey's eyes, and he looked into hers. "Okay. I'll stay. Just... just promise me you'll be careful?"

"I promise." Joey smiled. "Ready, you two?"

"Ready, Joey." Abigale and Zelda said.

They all charged out the door. Abigale used her fire. Zelda, her light arrows. Joey, his sword.

"Here we go again!"
Can't wait till the first chapter!^^ Keep up the good work!;)
 

Linkanon

Professional Dork
Joined
Oct 22, 2010
Location
Gotham
Gender
Male
Ok, so maybe I won't quit on THIS just yet (see Legends of Three thread for details)... but this is just a chapter where kinda just type away, not really having anything planned out. Hope you like it!! ^^

CHAPTER 1:
TRAITOR

The bulbins charged towards Joey, Zelda, and Abigale. Joey was quick to be knocked down by one of the bulbin's arrows.
"Agh!!" he pulled the arrow out of his arm. Blood seeped through his cothing and onto his arm.
"You okay?" Abigale asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine..." Joey got up and ran to Zelda, asking her to borrow her bow.
"Why would you need my-" Zelda noticed Joey's wound and the arrow he was holding. "Oh... of course."
Joey took the bow in his hand, got the arrow ready, and let loose. The arrow flew across the battlefield and landed in a bulbin's chest. It lay on the ground and disappeared in black dust.
"Nice shot!" Abigale gave Joey a thumbs-up.
"Thanks." Joey handed Zelda her bow back.
Then he noticed it: the one bulbin, hiding behind a tree, as if afreid of the battle... or trying not to be a part of it.
Joey walked over to it, luckily unseen by any of the attacking bulbins. "Hey, dude... you okay?" Joey felt like the bulbin wouldn't hurt him.
"N-no one's ever talked to me before... at least not someone from the other fighters team..." the bulbin inched away from Joey.
"Don't worry, you're fine... as long as you're not trying to lure me into a trap." Joey got his sword ready.
"PLEASE!" the bulbins bloodcurdling scream could have been heard all the way in Takami if it weren't for the noises from the battle.
Joey covered his ears.
"Please don't hurt me!" the bulbin looked on the verge of tears.
"Don't worry, I won't hurt you!" Joey dropped his sword and kicked it so that he couldn't reach it even if he tried. He held up his hands. "See?"
The bilbin slowly uncovered his eyes. "P-promise?"
"Promise."
"Okay... I'm Joey the bulbin. What's your name?"
Joey's eyes widened. "Y-your name's Joey?"
"What, you think it's weird?"
"No... it's just that... MY name's Joey."
"Really?" the bulbin's eyes widened, too. "But, uhm... you think you could help me out?"
"Sure, what's up?"
"Well... you see, my girlfriend, Savannah..."
"Woah, woah, woah... your girlfriend's name is Savannah, too?!"
"Yeah, is yours?"
"Uh, yeah... creepy... you wouldn't happen to know an Abigale, would you?"
"Yeah, she hangs out with Savannah and I all the time. And so do Aconar, Zelda Hunter, and alot of other friends... then there's Ariz..."
"Heh, story of my life. So we basically have the same lives... is Savannah trapped in some magical, unmeltable ice?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, then, I have your solution." Joey pulled out Din's Fire.
"Woah!"
"Yeah. I used it to melt my Savannah's ice."
"You think I could..."
"Borrow it? Sure thing." the human Joey handed the bulbin Joey Din's Fire.
"Wow, thanks!" the bulbin stared at it for a few seconds, turning it around in his hands. "You think we could hang out some day? Just the six of us? The two Joey's, the two Savannah's, and the two Abigale's? And maybe the others?"
"Yeah, that'd be great!"
"Well, I think I'd better get home to Savannah as fast as I can! Thanks again, Joey!"
"Sure, catcha later!"
Joey ran home. The other Joey ran back to the battlefield.
"Oh, hey, I had this great idea, Joey!" Abigale ran over to Joey.
"What is it?"
"What if we all did spin attacks at the same time?"
"Well, that's be great for me, and maybe you, but what about Zelda? Is she gonna shoot a bundle of arrows at a time and o-h-h-h, I see where you're going with this."
So they got prepared. Zelda stod in the back with a bundle of arrows ready. Abigale stood in the middle to the side with her fire ready. Joey stood in the front, his sword ready in his hands.
Zelda. "Ready?"
Abigale. "Set?"
Joey. "GO!"
Zelda shot the arrows. Abigale shot fire at their tips. Joey used his spin attack on the arrows. They shot towards the coming hordes of bulbins, killing nearly a fourth of them.
"Yeah, we did it! Just do that a few more times, and they'll be fini-" Joey was interuppted by a loud booming. "Hey... what's that noise?"
The booming got louder... and louder... until...
"Retreat, my hordes! I will finish this!" a fat shadow loomed over the field. Then he appeared. "I swear, on my name, I will defeat you. I swear on the name of King Bulbin!"

<><><><><><><><>
 
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Raindrop14

Soldier for Christ!
Joined
Jan 29, 2011
Location
E-Arth
This was a great chapter!:clap: I only saw one misspelling of "and" but that was it.^^ You also need to double space it since Tab doesn't work on ZD. Oh, can't wait to see if they'll make it out alive!:D
 

Linkanon

Professional Dork
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Location
Gotham
Gender
Male
I fixed it, and the part where Joey accidentally said "Is the gonna" instead of "Is she gonna" right after the "and" error. :yes: ^^
 

Linkanon

Professional Dork
Joined
Oct 22, 2010
Location
Gotham
Gender
Male
Here's Chapter 2 after the pretty long wait. Hope you enjoy! ^^

CHAPTER 2:
GOOD SHOT

King Bulbin walked closer to the trio. "Where are my manners? Let me introduce myself... I am-"
"Bacon." Joey said.
"What did you say?" King Bulbin asked nicely.
"I said, bacon. You. Are. Bacon." Joey said plainly.
"What is that supposed to mean?" King Bulbin's eye twitched.
"It means you're toast, you fat pig." Joey stood there staring at King Bulbin.
King Bulbin stood there staring at Joey. After a minute or so, he started laughing. And laughing. And laughing. "Are you KIDDING?! Bwahahahahaha! How can YOU defeat ME?!"
"Like THIS!" Joey charged at King Bulbin with his sword. He slashed at King Bulbins armor, and it barely chipped away.
"Bwahahahaha! Pathetic!" King Bulbin swung his axe at Joey, barely missing by an inch.
Joey turned around and yelled to Zelda and Abigale. "Etgaay more rrowsay!"
"Got it!" Abigale explained Joey's "igpay atinlay" to Zelda. Zelda ran over to the house to grab more arrows.
Joey bought her some time by holding King Bulbin off with his sword. Joey's sword was puny compared to King Bulbin's axe, but Joey's strength held King Bulbin off just long enough.
Zelda arrived in no time with tons of arrows. "Hurry over!" she said.
Joey gave King Bulbin one last push, and ran over to Zelda and Abigale as King Bulbin stumbled backward.
Joey stood in the front, Abigale stood in the middle to the side, and Zelda stood in the back once more.
Zelda shot her arrow at Abigale's fire, and Joey spun the arrows straight to King Bulbin.
As King Bulbin was stunned, Joey ran up and delivered the finishing blow.
King Bulbin grunted and pushed Joey off, then ran off back to the Bulbin base.
Joey turned around and did his Link-like sword sheathing. Then he turned to Zelda. "Good shot."

<><><><><><><><>
For those of you who don't know pig latin, you take the first letter of every word and put it at the end, then add "ay" after it. So "hello" would be "ellohay." So the phrases in the chapter were "Get more arrows!" from Joey and "pig latin" from the narrator. Anyways, hope you liked it! :yes:

~Linkanon
 

Raindrop14

Soldier for Christ!
Joined
Jan 29, 2011
Location
E-Arth
I did like it.^^ At first I thought it was a misspelling but then I recognized the "igpay atinlay" oart and I regocnized what it was(because that's all I know in pig latin.:sweat:). Can't wait to see what'll happen next!:D
 

Linkanon

Professional Dork
Joined
Oct 22, 2010
Location
Gotham
Gender
Male
I did like it.^^ At first I thought it was a misspelling but then I recognized the "igpay atinlay" oart and I regocnized what it was(because that's all I know in pig latin.:sweat:). Can't wait to see what'll happen next!:D
I only noticed two mistakes, "recognized" and "part." Other than that, yay!, no mistakes! :clap: ^^
 

Linkanon

Professional Dork
Joined
Oct 22, 2010
Location
Gotham
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Hey, to all of you who read this (A.K.A. Rainy), this won't continue until 2012, maybe after Christmas. I'm really busy with things lately, and I haven't even made my family a Christmas list, so they don't know what the heck I want!! :O So sorry Rainy, but you're gonna have to wait a while. :(
 

Raindrop14

Soldier for Christ!
Joined
Jan 29, 2011
Location
E-Arth
Aww.:( Well, I can understand, I'm falling behind in a few things so I don't have time for a lot of things. Now I can't wait till next year!:D
 

Linkanon

Professional Dork
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Oct 22, 2010
Location
Gotham
Gender
Male
I'll TRY to get started on Legends of Carabu again, but it'll be hard... well, maybe, cuz I'm out of school, but I don't think I've been home all day a single day this track-out, so I'm not sure... especially Mondays, but not until after Christmas (I have a guitar lesson, my sister dances for 2 frickin hours, and I normally have school, but my sister gets dance off till January and I think I still have guitar, but that's only 30 mins ANYways...) but yeah, I'll try to get started on making these chapters longer and better. :yes:
 

Linkanon

Professional Dork
Joined
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Location
Gotham
Gender
Male
Here it is… the next chapter of Legends of Carabu: Attack of the Bulbins!! Hope you enjoy!

CHAPTER 3:
IN THE CAMP

As they head home from the field, Abigale suddenly collapsed on the ground.

Joey ran over to her, and leaned over her. “Abigale! Abigale, wake up! Wake up!!”

Abigale’s body shifted in Joey’s arms. When Zelda ran up to Abigale, she suddenly fell on the ground too, but she wasn’t unconscious yet.

“I remember, now, Joey… we were shot by an arrow each when you were gone.…” Zelda was starting to breath funny. “They must have had poison on them…. There’s an antidote to this kind of poison, but you’ll have to travel to the Bulbin’s base to it, I’m sure….” Then, Zelda closed her eyes.

Joey ran home and took Savannah to Abigale and Zelda’s bodies. They each lifted one girl up and carried them to the house.

When they arrived home, Joey put Abigale on a bed, and Savannah put Zelda on the other.

“Savannah… I have to go to the Bulbin Base, it‘s the only way to get the antidote to wake Zelda and Abigale. I‘ll be back soon, just stay he-” Joey started.

“Oh, no, I’m not waiting here. I know how to fight. I only stayed here while you three fought because I was hurt. I feel better now and I want to come with you this time. Don’t argue with me, either. You know I’ll win.” Savannah gave a slight smile and folded her arms.

Joey sighed. “Fine. But what’ll you use for a weapon?” he asked.

Savannah pulled a sheathed dagger out of her pocket. “I had this ever since I came to talk to you the day I got frozen.” She swung it around.

Joey sighed again and said, “Fine. You can come. But don’t get in the way.”

Savannah‘s eye twitched and her arm shook in a strange way. Then she burst out in rage, “Get in the way?!” She stepped closer to Joey and put her finger in his face. “I’m not gonna ‘get in your way.’ Agh! Boy’s are just so… ugh! Why did I ever say yes when you asked me out? You were always like this!” She stormed out.

“What’s with the ‘tude?!” Joey asked, but she had already started running towards the Bulbin camp.

Joey sighed for the millionth time, in a confused way, stood there for a moment thinking, then ran off to catch up with her.

********************************

They finally reached the base and slowly edged their way to the gate. There were no guards, but there was sure to be tons of Bulbins on the inside.

They looked around the whole perimeter, and found a small hole that they could just barely fit through to get inside. Savannah went first and Joey followed.

The tunnel was dark, small, wet, and gross. As they went further into the hole, it got wider on the edges, and taller on the top.

Finally, it was big enough so that they could stand in it. “Aah.” Joey said in a relaxed tone. “That feels mu-u-uch better.”

Savannah ignored him and moved on.

Joey rolled his eyes, gave a big stretch, and followed.

********************************

Meanwhile, an ominous fellow was lurking in the darkness near the Bulbin hideout.

It jumped down from the trees and onto the grass in a flash.

No one could see it walking towards the base, no one could see it’s face. If they did, they wouldn’t have the chance to tell the story.

The figure was watching a clock on a chain in it’s hand.

On the clock, it showed a boy and a girl walking through a tunnel.

“Joey…”The voice was male. “Time for a little thing I like to call sweet, sweet revenge.” He laughed and put the watch away.

Then, he ran towards the base. Only, he wasn’t exactly running. He was so fast, it was almost like teleporting… or was it?

As he neared the base, the light from the watch towers within it still couldn’t penetrate the darkness of the person’s cloak he wore over his head.

He held out his hand and moved it downward. The drawbridge door moved at his command, and it fell onto the ground with a THWUNK!

He walked inside the Bulbin base.

You might expect them to attack then and there.

But they didn’t. They stood there like soldiers waiting for orders, in position, not moving an inch.

The man walked forward slowly, and to a throne made out of pure gold and silver.

“My hordes!” He yelled. “The time is now to strike back against the ones who did us wrong!” He sat down.

“We attack as soon as our little ‘intruders’ show themselves.” He held up his clock. The image showed the girl and the boy, whom he called Joey.

The Bulbins all screamed with joy.

“SILENCE!” The Bulbins all stood still when they heard the scream.

“Remember: no mercy! We attack when we see them! I don’t care if all of you get killed, as long as you soften them up for me to deliver the final blow to each of them…”

The Bulbins stood still.

“Look at that hole over there.” The man pointed to a small hole in the wall, big enough for a teen boy and girl to fit through. He whispered loud enough for the Bulbins to hear, “That is where they will emerge. That is when you kill them.”

The Bulbins all watched the hole, anxiously awaiting the killing of the humans.

All, that is, except for a select few, who lurked in the shadows of the base, where no one could find them, not even the man on the throne.

These Bulbins hated to fight, they didn’t want to fight at all.

They hid to stay out of it. They lived there in the base, and only left when they knew someone would find them.

Any time there was danger, these Bulbins would split up and then meet back when they thought it was safe.

One of those Bulbins’s name… was Joey.

********************************

“They are almost upon us!” Joey heard the man on the throne say.

“Oh, yes…” he said. “Time for me to get revenge.”

The man pulled off his cloak. “In my name, I swear, I will kill them both… I swear on the name… of Ariz Raven!”

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Hope you liked it! I think I did better this time, at least a little. I hope you also liked me adding a special someone back to this series. ;)

Now it’s time to discuss the schedule. I’m thinking of having something a bit like this:

Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday

LoC: Different Different Different LoC: LoC: LoC:
AoTB Series Series Series AoTB AoTB AoTB



I think that’d be a good schedule. Maybe take one and replace it with a pic of the week or something. Tell me your thoughts through PM!


~Linkanon: Ninja Zora~

EDIT: Joey and Savannah's fight wasn't just random, btw; there's a reason for it. I won't tell, though! ;) You'll just have to wait and see. :yes:
 
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Raindrop14

Soldier for Christ!
Joined
Jan 29, 2011
Location
E-Arth
Great chapter!:clap: This was definately better than the others.^^ But, observation time now...


This is only the spelling things I saw.
“I remember, now, Joey… we were shot by an arrow each when you were gone.…” Zelda was starting to breath funny. “They must have had poison on them…. There’s an antidote to this kind of poison, but you’ll have to travel to the Bulbin’s base to get it, I’m sure….” Then, Zelda closed her eyes.

“Oh, no, I’m not waiting here. I know how to fight. I only stayed here while you three fought because I was hurt. I feel better now and I want to come with you this time. Don’t argue with me, either. You know I’ll win.” Savannah gave a slight smile and folded her arms.

“What’s with the atitude?!” Joey asked, but she had already started running towards the Bulbin camp.

This is where I point out how to help with paragraphs:
As they head home from the field, Abigale suddenly collapsed on the ground.

Joey ran over to her, and leaned over her. “Abigale! Abigale, wake up! Wake up!!”

Abigale’s body shifted in Joey’s arms. When Zelda ran up to Abigale, she suddenly fell on the ground too, but she wasn’t unconscious yet.

“I remember, now, Joey… we were shot by an arrow each when you were gone.…” Zelda was starting to breath funny. “They must have had poison on them…. There’s an antidote to this kind of poison, but you’ll have to travel to the Bulbin’s base to it, I’m sure….” Then, Zelda closed her eyes.

Joey ran home and took Savannah to Abigale and Zelda’s bodies. They each lifted one girl up and carried them to the house. When they arrived home, Joey put Abigale on a bed, and Savannah put Zelda on the other.

“Savannah… I have to go to the Bulbin Base, it‘s the only way to get the antidote to wake Zelda and Abigale. I‘ll be back soon, just stay he-” Joey started.

“Oh, no, I’m not waiting here. I know how to fight. I only stayed here while you three fought because I hurt. I feel better now and I want to come with you this time. Don’t argue with me, either. You know I’ll win.” Savannah gave a slight smile and folded her arms.

Joey sighed. “Fine. But what’ll you use for a weapon?” he asked.

Savannah pulled a sheathed dagger out of her pocket. “I had this ever since I came to talk to you the day I got frozen.” She swung it around.

Joey sighed again and said, “Fine. You can come. But don’t get in the way.”

Savannah‘s eye twitched and her arm shook in a strange way. Then she burst out in rage, “Get in the way?!” She stepped closer to Joey and put her finger in his face. “I’m not gonna ‘get in your way.’ Agh! Boy’s are just so… ugh! Why did I ever say yes when you asked me out? You were always like this!” She stormed out.

“What’s with the ‘tude?!” Joey asked, but she had already started running towards the Bulbin camp.

Joey sighed for the millionth time, in a confused way, stood there for a moment thinking, then ran off to catch up with her.

********************************

They finally reached the base and slowly edged their way to the gate. There were no guards, but there was sure to be tons of Bulbins on the inside. They looked around the whole perimeter, and found a small hole that they could just barely fit through to get inside. Savannah went first and Joey followed. The tunnel was dark, small, wet, and gross. As they went further into the hole, it got wider on the edges, and taller on the top.

Finally, it was big enough so that they could stand in it. “Aah.” Joey said in a relaxed tone. “That feels mu-u-uch better.”

Savannah ignored him and moved on. Joey rolled his eyes, gave a big stretch, and followed.

********************************

Meanwhile, an ominous fellow was lurking in the darkness near the Bulbin hideout. It jumped down from the trees and onto the grass in a flash. No one could see it walking towards the base, no one could see it’s face. If they did, they wouldn’t have the chance to tell the story. The figure was watching a clock on a chain in it’s hand. On the clock, it showed a boy and a girl walking through a tunnel.

“Joey…”The voice was male. “Time for a little thing I like to call sweet, sweet revenge.” He laughed and put the watch away.

Then, he ran towards the base. Only, he wasn’t exactly running. He was so fast, it was almost like teleporting… or was it? As he neared the base, the light from the watch towers within it still couldn’t penetrate the darkness of the person’s cloak he wore over his head. He held out his hand and moved it downward. The drawbridge door moved at his command, and it fell onto the ground with a THWUNK! He walked inside the Bulbin base. You might expect them to attack then and there. But they didn’t. They stood there like soldiers waiting for orders, in position, not moving an inch. The man walked forward slowly, and to a throne made out of pure gold and silver.

“My hordes!” He yelled. “The time is now to strike back against the ones who did us wrong!” He sat down.

“We attack as soon as our little ‘intruders’ show themselves.” He held up his clock. The image showed the girl and the boy, whom he called Joey.

The Bulbins all screamed with joy.

“SILENCE!” The Bulbins all stood still when they heard the scream.

“Remember: no mercy! We attack when we see them! I don’t care if all of you get killed, as long as you soften them up for me to deliver the final blow to each of them…”

The Bulbins stood still.

“Look at that hole over there.” The man pointed to a small hole in the wall, big enough for a teen boy and girl to fit through. He whispered loud enough for the Bulbins to hear, “That is where they will emerge. That is when you kill them.”

The Bulbins all watched the hole, anxiously awaiting the killing of the humans. All, that is, except for a select few, who lurked in the shadows of the base, where no one could find them, not even the man on the throne. They hated to fight, they didn’t want to fight at all. They hid to stay out of it. They lived there in the base, and only left when they knew someone would find them. They would split up and then meet back when they thought it was safe. One of those Bulbins’s name… was Joey.

“They are almost upon us!” Joey heard the man on the throne say.

“Oh, yes…” he said. “Time for me to get revenge.”

The man pulled off his cloak. “In my name, I swear, I will kill them both… I swear on the name… of Ariz Raven!”
You put all those sentances in one paragraoh because when your talking about, say the Bulbins, when you reffer to them as 'they' in a different paragraph sometimes it's hard to tell who 'they' are. For example:


The Bulbins all watched the hole, anxiously awaiting the killing of the humans.

All, that is, except for a select few, who lurked in the shadows of the base, where no one could find them, not even the man on the throne.

They hated to fight, they didn’t want to fight at all.

They hid to stay out of it. They lived there in the base, and only left when they knew someone would find them.

They would split up and then meet back when they thought it was safe.

One of those Bulbins’s name… was Joey.
Here you talk about the Bulbins who don't like to fight, but the sentances are spread out into different paragraphs so when you say 'they' people might not know you mean the Bulbins. That's why talking about one thing and making it 'one' paragraph so people know your talking about the Bulbins.

That's all I have to say, and you are most certainly improving.;) Can't wait to see what'll happen next!:D
 

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