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How to cope

The Dashing Darknut

Double D, the dashing one
ZD Champion
Joined
Jul 7, 2021
Location
Twilight Realm
Gender
Male
So, summer will done for me in three weeks, and I just wanted a little discussion about something. How can I forget about bad memories? Every day, it feels hard not to thing about past arguments, meltdowns, and stressful situations I’ve been in. When I try to think of good things, bad moments from myself come to me, and it feels like they follow me constantly. Just when I have an argument, I can’t let it go. I have to say everything I want to say instead of just letting it go. Even when my schoolwork and homework is generally really easy, my brain shuts off, and thinks of bad thoughts, making the work impossible. I can’t help but sometimes self loath myself, and just not do the work, when it’s super easy. I sometimes feel like any day could be my last. I just wanted to know, how can get through my next school year, and how can I let go of arguments or bad memories?
 
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ArchAngel217

Sorry, I'm a Bad Boy.
Joined
Apr 12, 2021
Location
The 80s.
Gender
Male
I'm sorry that this is happening to you, Darknut. However, I don't think there are people on ZD who can help you with this. I recommend seeking help from a trusted adult, your parents, or even getting a counselor/therapist. Sorry I can't be of help, just know that I'm here supporting you and praying for your situation.
 
Joined
Jun 2, 2021
Gender
Gendersolid
I would recommend seeing a professional counselor if one is available to you. Some things like like self-loathing seems to indicate depression (but don't take that as a diagnosis). The best advice I can give you in this regard is to take care of yourself. Make sure you get enough sleep, water, sunlight and exercise. These things will make you feel better.
 
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Fig

The Altruist
Joined
Jul 23, 2011
Location
Mishima Tower
Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on how you see it), everyone has different styles of coping and not all styles will work with others. If you have the resources and a supporting community to do so, seeking therapist or psychiatrist is generally a good starting point. That said, I understand if time and/or money are issues and makes seeking a professional difficult. There's "home-made" styles of coping that you can perform, especially if it's something that helps you relax such as drawing/writing out thoughts, doing physical activity to keep the blood pumping, talking to a stuffed animal, reading a book/playing a game (any other form of escapism), meditating, etc.

I don't know what's going in your neck of the woods and I won't probe for any confidential information but I'll keep you in my prayers that everything goes alright moving forward.
 

The Dashing Darknut

Double D, the dashing one
ZD Champion
Joined
Jul 7, 2021
Location
Twilight Realm
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Male
I’m losing hope. Maybe I should leave the ZD forums for a few days. There’s nothing else I can do, and this isn’t stopping.
 
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ArchAngel217

Sorry, I'm a Bad Boy.
Joined
Apr 12, 2021
Location
The 80s.
Gender
Male
Darknut, if you continually have these troubles and they won't stop you really should really get a therapist.
 

Morbid Minish

Spooky Scary Skeleton.
Forum Volunteer
Joined
Oct 1, 2016
I think most people struggle with this at some point in their life. And tbh, there's not much you can do to make it go away. You just have to ignore those thoughts and realize they shouldn't control you. Like for past arguments, those are said and done and you can't do anything to change that. Unless of course it lead to losing a friend or something, in which case you can try to reconcile with them. As for bad thoughts, I'm not entirely sure what kind of thoughts you're having, but if they're interfering with your daily life it might be good to seek therapy if you can. I don't want to try to diagnose you, but if they're what's considered as intrusive thoughts and they affect you living your normal life you could potentially have a form of OCD.
 

The Dashing Darknut

Double D, the dashing one
ZD Champion
Joined
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Location
Twilight Realm
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Male
Thank you for the advice. I finally got a therapist for Monday. It’s a bit pricy, but I think it’ll help.
 
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Misty

Ronin
Joined
Feb 13, 2016
Location
The Sea
So, summer will done for me in three weeks, and I just wanted a little discussion about something. How can I forget about bad memories? Every day, it feels hard not to thing about past arguments, meltdowns, and stressful situations I’ve been in. When I try to think of good things, bad moments from myself come to me, and it feels like they follow me constantly. Just when I have an argument, I can’t let it go. I have to say everything I want to say instead of just letting it go. Even when my schoolwork and homework is generally really easy, my brain shuts off, and thinks of bad thoughts, making the work impossible. I can’t help but sometimes self loath myself, and just not do the work, when it’s super easy. I sometimes feel like any day could be my last. I just wanted to know, how can get through my next school year, and how can I let go of arguments or bad memories?
Listen, everyone else has already mentioned getting a therapist, but if you're anything like me you aren't going to do that because you aren't about that therapist life or you can't afford it or your parents wouldn't take you. If you can do that, yeah, that's probably a good option. But it's easy to forget therapists are a luxury item so here is my stab at helping.

So you seem like you have a real struggle with intrusive thoughts and probably some form of anxiety. I've been there so here is how I've coped.

The first step is to stop seeing these thoughts as your thoughts. After all, you don't like them. You wouldn't choose to think them. So how on earth can they be your thoughts? They aren't. And that's ok. Your bottom farts. Your mouth hiccups. Your belly gurgles. And your brain sometimes has thoughts outside of your general control. None of these things need to bother you because none of these things are something you control. Stop telling yourself these are your thoughts.

The second step is to start seeing these thoughts as a good thing. Reframe them. You aren't anxious, you are excited. You aren't beating yourself up over a past argument, stressful situation, or meltdown, you are remembering something important that you either want to learn from or already learned an important lesson from.

Now, all of this is just to cope with having the thoughts, but I'm assuming you want to stop having them as well.

Firstly, identify what triggers these thoughts to happen. To give personal examples, I struggled after my assault with intrusive thoughts and flashbacks. Among the things that triggered this to give an idea, were white hats. Honestly, even now seeing a white baseball cap makes me look sideways and feel a little off. You might not be that specific. It might just be idle time, stress, etc. But try to figure out what triggers you to enter this kind of headspace in the first place.

If you can realize what is getting you there, then it becomes easy to firstly not put yourself in the situations or near objects that trigger you. It also makes it easier to laugh at. I mean it is completely ridiculous that I, a grown ass woman, find white hats distressing. Start trying to see the humor and absurdity in your triggers and over time you may find they don't bother you quite the same.

Secondly, have a physical movement you do that allows you to quickly focus, ground yourself, and come back to reality. To give my example, I have a thing I do where I make the Ok sign with my hand and then from there I tap my thumb individually against the other fingers on my hand so that I essentially run the ok sign across every finger. And I do this when I'm not distressed at all just casually while driving or cooking or having a nice time with friends or my fella. It is important to do whatever your physical grounding movement is when you feel absolutely fine and dandy.

Whenever you start feeling distressed by these thoughts and like you can't opt out of them, do your grounding movement. You may find it calms you or tells you that your fine. You might have to do it multiple times especially early on. If you have a really noodly brain, you might find you do better with multiples of them. Like having one for focusing, one for calming, etc.

Thirdly and finally, you have to start forgiving yourself or others for a lot of this stuff. Arguments don't mean that much. Fights don't mean that much. Most relationships have them. Even the good ones. Having meltdowns especially at your age is pretty normal and nothing to go losing your mind over. It is often harder to focus on good memories because our brains are designed to deprioritize them compared to the traumatic or negative ones. This is a defense mechanism which is actually very good and keeps us safe from harm. Some of us just have an overactive defense system is all. But it is not a bad sign or a sign you are crazy that when you try to think happy you think sad. That is how we are designed to work on some level.

Traumas aren't all that different, but they certainly mean more. Start focusing on how you've changed from all of this and what you learned. Focus on what you can do to make this stuff never happen again. You are very powerful and very in control of your life more than you know. So if something bad has happened to you, focus on what you could have done or could do in the future to avoid or prevent those traumatic occurrences.

For getting through school, look, school sucks. It is meant to be endured and completed. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just have the discipline to do the work no matter how you are or are not feeling. See it as eating your green veggies. In the adult world no one is going to hear your excuses or pain if you don't do your work. So treat this like practice for that where the worst thing they can do is yell at you for not doing your work.

Hope some of this helped.
 

Morbid Minish

Spooky Scary Skeleton.
Forum Volunteer
Joined
Oct 1, 2016
Secondly, have a physical movement you do that allows you to quickly focus, ground yourself, and come back to reality. To give my example, I have a thing I do where I make the Ok sign with my hand and then from there I tap my thumb individually against the other fingers on my hand so that I essentially run the ok sign across every finger. And I do this when I'm not distressed at all just casually while driving or cooking or having a nice time with friends or my fella. It is important to do whatever your physical grounding movement is when you feel absolutely fine and dandy.
All of this post is really good, but I want to second this part especially. I do the exact same finger tapping method in stressful situations (mostly when I'm in a crowded place because I get sort of claustrophobic). It really helps to focus your mind somewhere else and to calm down a bit.
 

Dizzi

magical internet cat....
ZD Legend
Joined
Jun 22, 2016
I sometimes try and distract my self from bad thoughts singing songs that are happy talking it over with people...
 

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