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Going Behind Your Parents Back?

Joined
Mar 13, 2011
OK so me and my family friended. These really nice people and were friends for a year and my mom and the girl we met got in a fight and me that girl and her husband became really good friends and now my parents don't want me talking to them and I can't just forget them cause I miss them so much it's crazy and is it wrong for me to dis obey my parents and talk to them?
 
Joined
Aug 25, 2011
Location
WI
Well... yes. Sometimes your parents know what is best for you even when you do not.. You MAY not have all the facts some things your parents are not telling you that you will not understand now.

Obviously I do not know the details so there is no way to say... but I would say put your faith and trust in your parents THEY are the ones that are there for you every day and they will be the ones there for you when you need them in the future...

I know it sucks but this is all part of growing up.

Obviously my perspective is one like a parent having children of my own... Twin girls 13 and a boy 9.

But your parents drew a line in the sand... it might not be fair but its sides picking time... I would choose your parents.
 
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Joined
Jan 1, 2011
well, if your parents said dont talk to them anymore or anything of the sort, then i wouldnt mess with them. If you really liked them and if you had a great connection, try reasoning with them. Dont try going behind your parents back and disobey them onpurpose, it will make things worse for you. I wish i could tell you more but you OP doesnt really make sense to me.
 

The Alltergeist

Low-key Shade
Forum Volunteer
Joined
Feb 8, 2011
Location
Alrest
So, from what I understand, you and your parents met this couple, who you bonded to, but the wife got into an argument with your mother, and now you're forbidden to speak to them, but you still want to. I really hope I have this right.

No, it's never fine to outrightly disobey your parents. As Ms. Hellsy said, try reasoning with them, or wait for things to settle down and then approach them. This'll save you from loads of trouble, and regret, including that your parents would likely monitor all your mail/email, remove you from here or any other chat site, and limit your contact with the outside world. This is how drastic things might become.
 

korp

bagels
Joined
Dec 27, 2010
Location
My house, on a computer, browsing ZD.
Well, sometimes parents are just so unreasonable. So I understand. I know parents just want whats best for their children so I mean no disrespect or anything when I say this. But, they are some of the most unreasonable human beings in this world for real. Like, I am a momma's girl, like I aint even gonna front I LOVE MY MOMMA but dat woman is unreasonable. And when I say unreasonable, I mean like 1 + 1 = HIV AIDS and you might as well just get it. I dont know if it's just me and my southern momma but I just hate it when my parents use the argument 'I am yo momma, I am yo daddy, you have to do what I say" Cause really, as their child..we..cant..really..say anything to that. I mean, we can be like 'No.' But.. asdjlfsdfhj you'll just get a whoopen. And we really dont want none of that. 'Go clean yo room.' 'Momma why?? My room clean' 'UH-UH DONT ASK ME WHY I AM YO MOMMA I SAID GO CLEAN YO ROOM AND YO GON CLEAN YO ROOM. DO THE DISHES I AM YO MOMMA I SAID DO THE DISHES. I AM YO MOMMA, DO IT.' 'I AM YO DADDY, GO MOW THE LAWN. FIX ME SOME CEREAL I AM YO DADDY.'
..

>:|

The way I see it is, I think it's because the parents think that because they gave life to their child, that they can just..kdjlfsadjf...out their child in less than 2 seconds! So they feel as though they own their children and..that'swheretheproblemcomes because children don't like being owned.
A personal situation for me would be, that..every single month, my momma gets her credit card statement in the mail, AND EVERY SINGLE MONTH, she gets on me for spendin money. And I mean, she gets on me like.. 'What is this charge for 50 cents? What is this charge for 1.29 at the 99 cent store? It's a 99 cent store you should not be spendin anything more than 99 cents.' And I'm like, 'Momma it's nothing, girl, I like to spend money here and there. I'm a grown child, I like to go out, I like to buy some new clothes..'
'UH-UH. YOU GOTTA TE- YOU GOTTA TELL ME BEFORE YOU SPEND MONEY YOU GOTTA ASK ME BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING.'
'Momma!! Come on, momma, I'm 17 like I should be able to make my own decisions now.'
'NOPE. 17 DONT MEAN NOTHIN. LOOK, WHEN YOU A GROWN WOMAN, WHEN YOU LIVIN IN YO OWN HOUSE THEN YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS. BUT WHEN YOU LIVE IN MY HOUSE, YOU GOTTA DO WHAT I SAY YOU GOTTA DO. AND IF I SAY YOU GOTTA ASK ME BEFORE YOU USE MONEY, YOU GOTTA ASK ME.'
'Momma....come on girl, I work, this is my money'
I mean, it would be different if it was her money right? But it's like, I work for my own money, I work like 100 hours a week for my own money, I be like..
'Momma dis my own money I can use my money when I want.'
'NO CRACK-UHH YOU AINT GOT NO MONEY. YO MONEY IS MY MONEY. EVERYTHING YOU OWN IS MINE. I AM YO MOMMA. WHEN YOU CAN PAY ME BACK FOR 17 YEARS OF RAISIN YO CRACKUH ***, THEN YOU CAN SAY YOU OWN STUFF. BUT UNTIL THEN, EVERYTHING YOU HAVE IS MINE.'
And thats when I'm like..
'Oh momma you suck I'm goin to my room!'
'CRACK-UHHHHHHHH YOU AINT GOT NO ROOM. DIS IS MY HOUSE. THAT ROOM THAT YOU LIVIN IN, IM LETTING YOU BORROW THAT ROOM. I COULD KICK YOU OUT OF THIS ROOM ANY DAY THAT I WANT I CAN KICK YOU OUT BACK TO CUBA IF I WANTED TO.'
And that's when I kinda just...
Walk into my room...
and close the door...
and go into my corner and I'm like..


Like what am I supposed to say to that? How am I supposed to argue with her when she be bustin out like a friggin trump car like every tim we argue I'm like
'Momma, YOU are unreasonable. You are unreasonable.'

See that's just too old fashioned for me. When I grow up, I'mma be the meanest parent around. I'mma be like
'Yes, crackuh, if you make dem Straight As then you can go out with your friends.'
'Yes, crackuh, if you go out and get a job and wanna make yo own money and you wanna spend yo own money the way you wanna spend it. Oh yes crackuh you can go ahead and do that.'
I'mma go help and guide my child in the right direction rather than tell my child to go in which direction. BUT DONT GET ME WRONG, if my child wanna get an attitude with me Imma backhand dem.
 
Joined
Jun 7, 2011
OK so me and my family friended. These really nice people and were friends for a year and my mom and the girl we met got in a fight and me that girl and her husband became really good friends and now my parents don't want me talking to them...
How I interpret this (please correct me if this is incorrect):

Okay, so me and my family befriended a nice couple and we were friends for a year. My mother and the woman we met got into a fight, although I became really good friends with her and her husband, and now my parent's don't want me talking to them...
I'll need more details before coming to a conclusion on this- what was the fight about?
 
Joined
Jan 1, 2011
how, please someone tell me, in what way helps? All i read was a background story of your mom being unreasonable and not trusting you.
 

misskitten

Hello Sweetie!
Joined
Jun 18, 2011
Location
Norway
I think it's impossible to give advice on a situation we don't know the full details of. As people before me have pointed out; on one hand there might be a very good reason why you're forbidden to be in contact with them and it could very well be for your own good. On the other hand, your parents could be the unreasonable kind and the whole forbidden to be in contact with them could really be about some petty disagreement that doesn't concern you in any way.

I wouldn't advice you to go against your parents, but I also wouldn't advice taking your parents side without actually getting the full facts about the situation. Try asking your parents to provide you a reason for why you are suddenly not allowed to be in touch with people you've always gotten along with. Respect goes both ways. They should show you respect by providing you a valid reason why you are suddenly to cut people out of your life. And you should also respect that even though it feels incredibly unfair sometimes, many decisions we might disagree with as teens often turns out to have been for our own good. There are exceptions, of course, and I am not saying you should blindly believe anything you're told. Try thinking for yourself, have your parents before ever given you any reason at all to doubt their word or decisions? If the answer is no, then there probably is a good reason for this...
 

Ventus

Mad haters lmao
Joined
May 26, 2010
Location
Akkala
Gender
Hylian Champion
Like misskitten and other members have said, it is hard to come to a conclusion...but, in any case, I would cherish your parents and do what they said to do. Don't contact your friends behind their backs. Why? Because, you never know when your parents may not be there for you anymore. If, for example, you did disobey them and they got into a car wreck and didn't make it out alive, I'm almost certain you would be overcome by grief and literally wish every single day that you would've listened to them when they said not to or to do something, even if it was ridiculous.
 

Kogasa

desu desu desu desu
Joined
Aug 2, 2010
Location
Gensokyo
Gender
Kogasa
In this situation, I would consider how big of friends I am with these people, and also consider the details of the fight which you were talking about. If your mom is unreasonable then there is almost no way to come to a compromise and you might end up having to cut your ties with those people. This is very unfortunate, though, if they are big friends of yours. I won't pretend that parents always tell you to do things only if it's for the best, because that isn't true at all. However, you might have no choice but to listen to your parents, but if you really miss those people I suggest to follow your heart and what you believe, this way you can't be wrong.
 
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Joined
Mar 13, 2011
OK my parents trust me fine I know all the details that happened in the argument. So I understand but my mom and the lady got in a fight because of them just disagreeing on things. So I am not suppose to talk to them cause my mom don't like them she has no good reason and I think it's unfair I'm 16 if they were bad people I'd understand but there not they are nice they let me live with them for 3 weeks. My parents are just being childish. the other people are fine my mom and dad just don't know how to let things go. I have went behind my parents back multiple times talking to people they disapprove of. This wouldn't be the first. I am the reason we talk to my dad's side of the family again cause I went behind there back and made a plan with my aunt to apologize to my mom for no reason my mom just though she should have apologized.

Should I try this with these friends cause it's been about a 4 weeks and I miss them so bad outside unbelievable.
 

misskitten

Hello Sweetie!
Joined
Jun 18, 2011
Location
Norway
OK my parents trust me fine I know all the details that happened in the argument. So I understand but my mom and the lady got in a fight because of them just disagreeing on things. So I am not suppose to talk to them cause my mom don't like them she has no good reason and I think it's unfair I'm 16 if they were bad people I'd understand but there not they are nice they let me live with them for 3 weeks. My parents are just being childish. the other people are fine my mom and dad just don't know how to let things go. I have went behind my parents back multiple times talking to people they disapprove of. This wouldn't be the first. I am the reason we talk to my dad's side of the family again cause I went behind there back and made a plan with my aunt to apologize to my mom for no reason my mom just though she should have apologized.

Should I try this with these friends cause it's been about a 4 weeks and I miss them so bad outside unbelievable.
If it really is as simple as your parents holding grudges over petty arguments, then I don't really understand why you are more or less asking our permission to defy them. If it really is as simple as you are putting it, then it's not that much of a problem, now, is it? Especially not when it's nothing new and you have gone behind their backs before regarding who you interact with. Besides, it sounds to me as though you have made up your mind anyway and whatever we do say will probably not change said decision...
 

arkvoodle

Diabolical
Joined
Sep 20, 2008
Location
Somewhere
There's nothing wrong with having friends, but if your parents believe they are going to be a bad influence on you, then you should follow their advice. But this isn't what the thread is about, so anyway...

The best thing to do right now is try and remain neutral, talk to the people, but don't become too friendly so as to raise suspicion or to suggest that you're taking their side. Be friendly with your parents as well, and in time, they'll come to see the error of their ways, and hopefully they'll apologize, and you can all go back to being friends again.

But, in a situation where it's very unlikely that your parents are going to make up with this couple, first, try and convince them to, if the answer is no, well, there's not much you can do. It's better to stick to your parent's side, as you are living under their roof, and disobeying them or falling out with them will make you seem ungrateful and two faced.

*realizes that he missed half of the replies because the page was loading slowly*

You should take my advice as stated above, and talk to the couple, but don't push it. If you can, convince them to say sorry. Really, even if they did nothing wrong, it's better to say sorry and get everything out of the way before everyone's upset and there's no hope of making up.
 

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