General Art Gatekeepers

[blue-eyes]

I just finished chapter 1, and I decided to post it. It has 6 gatekeepers instead of 5 now.

Chapter 1​

Ryli was standing on a pillar in the middle of the ocean. It was neither day nor night, and it would stay like that. She looked at the shore in the distance, and saw 4 boys and a girl who all looked her age, 14. Two of the boys looked identical, another one was normal height, and the last one was tall. The girl looked average height. Ryli couldn’t make out details, as there was little light. Ryli heard a loud screech and she looked up. A giant Condor was hurtling straight for her. Right before it hit, Ryli awoke.

Ryli had that dream often, and it always seemed so real each time. She quickly got out of bed and got dressed. She was around 5 foot 2, had blonde hair down to her shoulders, and was thin. She was wearing a t-shirt and jeans. She opened her door and walked down the stairs leading to her living room. She looked out of the window and saw the sun had just risen over the horizon. She opened the door, her red bag in her hand, and started walking toward her school.

She walked inside and smelt burnt toast. She closed her eyes and saw a Dodge Viper come through the door she had just entered and hit her. She opened her eyes and ran, just as the same car she had just seen crash through the door. The driver, a woman with red hair and caramel eyes, pulled out a handgun and aimed it at Ryli, and then shot. Before it hit her, it had fallen to the ground. Ryli ran out of the building, and a white truck screeched to a halt right before her.

“Get in!” shouted the driver, a man with short dark brown hair and emerald green eyes. Ryli hesitated and he yelled, “Get in before she kills you!” Ryli jumped into the back of the car as a bullet shot past the spot her head had been half a second before.

“Why did you save me? And who are you?” She asked, looking at the man

“I am Kevin Ki, and I saved you because you are one of the 6 gatekeepers. I will explain this all when we reach the headquarters,”

 

[Hero of Time]

Moved a little quickly. The action could've used a bit more description. But I digress, I enjoyed it and am looking forward to reading more. Also, I didn't know this took place in the real world. Is it alright if I change a few things with my character?

 

[Myriadviper42]

Like he said go go from casual to fast-paced too quick, you need more of a slow transition. Other than that, it's fine.

 

[Caeda]

Like they said, but that's your only flaw. It's really good.

 

[Linknerd09]

Yes, I agree too. Your pace is fast, but it's really awesome^^ Keep up the awesome work^^

 

[Keyari]

Slightly fast paced, but other than that, its really good. So there's going to be 6 gatekeepers, eh? I see how that works. Very good job, I'm going to read this till you finish, cause I really loved this series. I like this a lot. And I see who Kevin Ki is! Wonder who his daughter could be?

 

[blue-eyes]

didn't say a last name, so I improved. You did say her dad was in the Nexus. Did you get the Matt reference in it Key?

 

[Raindrop14]

Well, I agree with them, it did go fast paced. I couldn't tell what was happening anymore after the car crashed into the door. You got me a little mixed up until the very end. It was good though. I can't wait until my character comes in.

 

[Keyari]

didn't say a last name, so I improved. You did say her dad was in the Nexus. Did you get the Matt reference in it Key?

I forgot to put a last name didn't I? Looks like you found the right last name. And yes, I found the Matt reference!

 

[blue-eyes]

Here it is. I plan on posting a chapter of Phoenix Flames today for all of you who have been waiting.

Chapter 2​

The white truck pulled into the parking lot of a skyscraper, and Ryli got out and followed Kevin in. They entered an elevator and got to the top floor. Kevin waked her to a large room with security camera’s lining the walls, and keycard activated doors. There was a room that had 12 people sitting down, and an empty 13th chair.

“Right over here,” Kevin said, walking her to a wooden door across from the meeting room. She entered and saw a girl her age that had dark brown hair pulled into two French braids and wearing a black tank top, jean shorts, black combat boots, and a green scarf sitting on a bed, reading a book entitled Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. She looked up when the door opened, and Ryli saw she had the same Emerald green eyes as the man who saved her.

“This is Ryli, the first gatekeeper,” Kevin said, looking at the girl sitting on the bed. The girl looked surprised, and then the man said, “I need to go to the meeting and tell them that she is here.” The girl nodded and Kevin left the room, shutting the door behind him.

“I’m Tekara,” The girl said, looking at Ryli.

“I’m Ryli. Can you explain this gatekeeper stuff to me? I have no idea about it,” Ryli said, and sat down on a chair next to the bed.

“Yeah. Almost 10,000 years ago, these evil beings called the Old Ones that would destroy the world. The war went on for almost 100 years, but then 6 kids our age defeated them, and sealed them inside of a different dimension through a gate, which lies on the spot where the Old Ones were defeated. We believe that they will rise again, and that is made true as you are a reincarnation of one of the first gatekeeper. My father is part of the Nexus, an organization that is trying to reunite the gatekeepers so that the Old Ones don’t destroy the world.” Tekara said, looking at Ryli. “Do you have any powers?” She asked.

“Well, sometimes I get a mental image of something that is about to happen, and I always smell burnt toast right before I get an image. And it seems like I can stop objects or move them, but I only seem to be able to do that when I am mad, in danger, or am concentrating really hard.” Ryli said, and then looked at around the room. It had a desk against the wall, a small bookshelf, a dresser, and the bed. The floor was wooden, and the walls were a light brown color. She saw a pencil on the desk, and concentrated on it. It flew across the room, hitting the door.

The door opened and Kevin walked in. “We are flying to Peru.” He said, looking at Tekara and Ryli.

 

[Linknerd09]

Nice chapter:clap: Keep up the awesome, Blue^^

 

[Keyari]

Ahh, we are going to Peru. I wonder who could be there? And I've never read the Harry Potter books. That's cool. (I will read them someday!!) You did very well. Great job bluey!!

 

[Raindrop14]

Here it is. I plan on posting a chapter of Phoenix Flames today for all of you who have been waiting.

Yay!^^ Anyway, here are your mistakes.

Almost 10,000 years ago, these evil beings called the Old Ones that would destroy the world
and that is made true as you are a reincarnation of one of the first gatekeeper.

That first one you could have said, "Almost 10,000 years ago, there were these evil beings called the Old Ones that would destroy the world."
That second one you could have said, "and that is made true as you are a reincarnation of one of the first gatekeepers."

But that is all I found. It was good though.

 

[Myriadviper42]

I like it a lot, keep up the good work.

 

[Hero of Time]

I liked it a lot. The pace was decently better this time. Good stuff.^^