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General Art Fire Emblem: The Destiny (Story)

The Nahobino

Nahobino
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Aug 18, 2009
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My Fantasy World
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Well, what can I say? You wrote again, that's something, you beat writer's block for now, try to keep it that way. ^^ And Rainy already mentioned the few mistakes you made, so you'll be fine. It's good to see Lance reuniting with an old buddy, and I wonder whether he'll do anything later on to reclaim the house that the thugs claimed as theirs. I hope that he does. Anyway, keep up the good work, Scars. ;)
 

Go_Skyward

Seek a door that carries a [9]
Joined
Mar 22, 2012
Location
Nevada Test Site
Well, what can I say? You wrote again, that's something, you beat writer's block for now, try to keep it that way. ^^ And Rainy already mentioned the few mistakes you made, so you'll be fine. It's good to see Lance reuniting with an old buddy, and I wonder whether he'll do anything later on to reclaim the house that the thugs claimed as theirs. I hope that he does. Anyway, keep up the good work, Scars. ;)
Oh wow. That's a really good, idea, I hadn't considered that c: thanks for reading! Glad you enjoyed it :D
 

Go_Skyward

Seek a door that carries a [9]
Joined
Mar 22, 2012
Location
Nevada Test Site
Chapter 4

Lance put his hand on his scabbard, "Shannon..."

Shannon was one step ahead of Lance. He grabbed his spear from behind the bar, "Ready."

As they walked further, they realized there was some mothers and their children being forced to give up any good they had... or be slaughtered. The village, sadly enough, looked like there would be no valuables there as it was. This made Lance rage, were nobles so heartless as to they couldn't even send out their Royal Knights to save the peasantry? Did they even serve a purpose anyways? Some great country Crimea was.

Lance pull out his sword, "Hey!" He yelled out to the bandits, "Why don't you pick on someone your own size!"

Shannon pointed his spear forward and whispered to Lance, "Lance... is this... such a good idea....?"

"Oh we're saved!" One of the children cried.

"Shut up you!" The apparent leader of the bandits yelled as he slapped the child.

"Hey! I won't tolerate this!" Lance yelled as he raised his sword and ran towards the leader.

The leader leaped out of the way and laughed as Lance tumbled to the ground. "Ha! What kind of mercenary are you? None like I've ever seen before!"

Lance wiped the dirt from his face, "I'm going to... kick your ***... for what you done here!"

Lance charged again in the same attack position he was previously in. He felt a sudden burst of energy, rage. He didn't want to pushed around ever again. He leaped up into the air in a jump-attack like position and it almost looked he was flying.

When suddenly... an earth-shattering scream filled the air. Everyone; heroes, peasants, and bandits alike shuttered and was taken back a bit.

The heroes looked in the direction of what could make that un-godly noise and saw a young girl. Her hair was long and reached to her back her hair was also a glossy brown color. She had a familiar stance to Lance, like a myrmidon. They were lightning fast sword-fighters who lived to master their blade. Lance had considered calling himself a myrmidon but wasn't as light on his feet as he'd like to be. But anyways, being in the presents of a myrmidon could either be a blessing... or your worst nightmare.

Lance, who had once again fallen in the dirt, looked up at the new girl. "You... why'd you stop me?"

The girl chuckled, "I saved your LIFE, Mr! You don't know these bandits like I do."

"Damn, it's her. Quick men, get her!"

The bandits charged at the long brown haired girl and quickly got slaughtered one by one.

Then the leader arose up again. "Damn... you're fast... But you're speed will never match my strength!"

The leader charged at the girl full force, the girl had a smirk on her face but wasn't moving. Lance held his weapon high and sprung up.

...and it was over. The leader fell to the ground... dead.

"HEY! That was my kill!" The brown haired girl yelled at Lance.

"You were just standing there... you didn't even look ready to dodge!" Lance argued back.

Shannon butted in, "Hey-hey! We've saved the village from these bandits! Should we really be arguing?! Anyways, let's start over. Hello, my name is Shannon, I am a lance wielder, I also ride my wyvern, Rajaion, while lance wielding... Lance? Anything you'd like to say?"

The girl interrupted, "My name is Olivia! I am the fastest myrmidon this side of Tellius! I saved your butts back there! Anywho, like their leader said, what kind of mercenary group are you? Your swordsmanship is sloppy! Out here, you'd be killed in seconds."

"What? My swordsmanship is damn good thank you, it's just our styles are different! And mercenaries... I'd never compa-"

"What Lance is trying to say is... our mercenary troop's name is..." Shannon looked around and eventually found himself glancing at Lance's scar, "....The Scarred Mercenaries..."

Lance hand collided with his forehead and his whispered to Shannon, "Really?"

Shannon shrugged and chuckled, "Sweet name isn't it! Our leader here," he slugged Lance on the shoulder, "Came up with it!"

Olivia laughed hysterically, "Really? Just the two of you are some grand mercenary troop? Ha! What a hoot!"

"Well... our other members... decided to take some time off! Their are quite a few of us, you know! The all feared Scarred Mercenaries!" Shannon pridefully spoke.

Lance grabbed Shannon's arm and turned him around, Lance then kept his voice low, to where only Shannon could hear, "Look man... do we really want to get involved with this girl. If we piss her off she'd kick our *****."

Shannon the tauntingly waved his lance in Lance's face, "Nope, weapon triangle advantage bro."

Lance sighed, "Only you believe in that garbage, Shannon. Anyways-"

"AHEM!" Olivia cleared her throat and Lance and Shannon quickly faced back towards her, "I like you. I think I'll join your 'Scarred Mercenaries'"

Lance then started to speak, "Who said you could-"

Shannon interrupted Lance again, "We'd love to have you on our troop Olivia!"

Olivia smiled, "Great! So where are you two headed to then?"


(So many Fire Emblem references in this chapter... I don't even :"D
Anyways, sorry everyone my friend Zelda_Ali_Baba was here for a month and I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible before she left. Anyways, now that she isn't here I can focus on my writing and drawing.
Anyways, again, we introduce a spunky character, Olivia. She isn't my character, she's ZAB's character. So... I tired my best but I like it.
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, hopefully the chapters will start coming out sooner now
... and this chapter is really short... sorry about that...)
 
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Go_Skyward

Seek a door that carries a [9]
Joined
Mar 22, 2012
Location
Nevada Test Site
Awesome! I love seeing an addition of another character, and I liked her introduction! Olivia seems like she'll be an interesting addition to this story! Great job, Silver. I especially liked the action scene.

EDIT: I'm getting the feeling that Shannon is the comic relief? Si? :3
Olivia will be the 'Let's get em guys!' kind of character. Shannon.... I'm not sure how that happened. He and Lance's personalities... lol.

Thanks, c:
 

The Nahobino

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Hey, Scars. Haha, you updated, that's nice, really like the story, but you could work on a few things, especially not leaving out valuable words. You said in my profile that you wanted to write faster, but I say the opposite here, you need to just relax and have fun writing it out, don't rush the story or else you will be leaving valuable stuff out. Consider envisioning what you're writing, the whole scene: I am talking about characters and surroundings, their actions will just flow naturally to your head. :) I would have loved to read how the bandits were dealt with instead of the simple sentence that you gave us by saying that they got slaughtered one by one.

But it is good, despite the words you left out and your over use of .... And now the two guys have a companion. Awesome. :)

By the way, I too wrote a FE story but didn't finish it. :P Here is the link in case you wanna read what little I wrote.(Yes, that's too little for me :P ) It's based on FE8

http://zeldadungeon.net/forum/f85/fire-emblem-force-29390.html
 

Zelda_Ali_Baba

Why did the humans attack
Joined
Apr 5, 2012
Location
Well, I must be somewhere!
All I can say is....


EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKK!!! LIVIA X3 my baby!! Myrmidon YESH! Lmho weapon triangle advantage....poor Olivia XD

Anywho! You did awesome! True Olivia liners in there! And I love Wolf and Lance in this story!!! There were a few missing words, but nothing our brains can't fix while reading.

And yea....I had a blast over there ^^ and I misses mah Batman friend, but still lovin the stories X3

Can't wait for the next chapter >=D
 
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Go_Skyward

Seek a door that carries a [9]
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Nevada Test Site
Hey, Scars. Haha, you updated, that's nice, really like the story, but you could work on a few things, especially not leaving out valuable words. You said in my profile that you wanted to write faster, but I say the opposite here, you need to just relax and have fun writing it out, don't rush the story or else you will be leaving valuable stuff out. Consider envisioning what you're writing, the whole scene: I am talking about characters and surroundings, their actions will just flow naturally to your head. :) I would have loved to read how the bandits were dealt with instead of the simple sentence that you gave us by saying that they got slaughtered one by one.

But it is good, despite the words you left out and your over use of .... And now the two guys have a companion. Awesome. :)

By the way, I too wrote a FE story but didn't finish it. :P Here is the link in case you wanna read what little I wrote.(Yes, that's too little for me :P ) It's based on FE8

http://zeldadungeon.net/forum/f85/fire-emblem-force-29390.html
I mean 'write faster' as in having a new chapter every week or every other week. Not... every month.... *cough*
Anyways, I see what you are saying, I do try to image what the scene looks like... but by the time I get around to typing it up my more colorful sentences turn into 'They just killed all the bandits... yay.' It's one of my many weaknesses in writing I have tried so hard to overcome... but to no anvil. :c

And I'm sure there are thousands of grammar errors... I should really learn to read over my chapters before posting them. Or all my sentences will say, "They thought they fought they bandits on that road." XD... painful.

One more things: Despite the fact I am writing an action type story... action is probably the HARDEST thing for me to write. Seriously, I either over explain things or leave it so vague that you have NO clue what is going on :L
I guess this story is that I make my writings better in the long run...
Anyways, I will check out what 'little' you wrote of your Fire Emblem story c:

All I can say is....

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKK!!! LIVIA X3 my baby!! Myrmidon YESH! Lmho weapon triangle advantage....poor Olivia XD

Anywho! You did awesome! True Olivia liners in there! And I love Wolf and Lance in this story!!! There were a few missing words, but nothing our brains can't fix while reading.
And yea....I had a blast over there ^^ and I misses mah Batman friend, but still lovin the stories X3
Can't wait for the next chapter >=D
Lol, I had a feeling you're reaction to Livia would be something like that...
I should seriously but a Boyd/Ike joke in their... that no one else but me and anyone else that has played FE9 would know :c

Really good chapter! :D I adore Olivia's character! <3 Keep 'em comin'!
Thanks Rainy! c:
 

Zelda_Ali_Baba

Why did the humans attack
Joined
Apr 5, 2012
Location
Well, I must be somewhere!
Lol, I had a feeling you're reaction to Livia would be something like that...
I should seriously but a Boyd/Ike joke in their... that no one else but me and anyone else that has played FE9 would know :c
Daw =C there's a lot of people who have played FE9 on here I'm pretty sure! And who knows, if I get a GC controller for Christmas or something I might be able to play PoR and get youz jokez X3 not that I completely count but STILL lol

And now thanks to you, I wanna write a story.....but I have no idea what to write about DX
 

The Nahobino

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Scars, you will get better with your writing, trust me. ;) At least you admit your mistakes/typos, etc. That's one huge step towards success. I still enjoyed your story despite the issues I pointed out, so hold your head up high. I use to be a little like yourself with my writing, I mean, I could describe stuff better with more sentences, you know? But for many of the sucky stories that I posted here I didn't do that. But I have learned that it was just that what my work was lacking: description. So I decided to fix the problem, and I have.

Anyway, let's move on from my experience, lol. I love FE and I surely love how your story is going. I know that soon enough you will implement other FE stuff into it, you already did with a few things, but perhaps soon we will see characters changing classes or wielding a light brand, or see how the weather affects battles, movement, etc. So, just remember to keep your focus with the FE stuff, use it well and your story will be awesome. ;) And as Rainy said, keep them coming, finish this thing. ^^
 

Go_Skyward

Seek a door that carries a [9]
Joined
Mar 22, 2012
Location
Nevada Test Site
Daw =C there's a lot of people who have played FE9 on here I'm pretty sure! And who knows, if I get a GC controller for Christmas or something I might be able to play PoR and get youz jokez X3 not that I completely count but STILL lol

And now thanks to you, I wanna write a story.....but I have no idea what to write about DX
of course you will....

Write something, damn you!!! :eek:oo
or go find me more namessss!

Scars, you will get better with your writing, trust me. ;) At least you admit your mistakes/typos, etc. That's one huge step towards success. I still enjoyed your story despite the issues I pointed out, so hold your head up high. I use to be a little like yourself with my writing, I mean, I could describe stuff better with more sentences, you know? But for many of the sucky stories that I posted here I didn't do that. But I have learned that it was just that what my work was lacking: description. So I decided to fix the problem, and I have.

Anyway, let's move on from my experience, lol. I love FE and I surely love how your story is going. I know that soon enough you will implement other FE stuff into it, you already did with a few things, but perhaps soon we will see characters changing classes or wielding a light brand, or see how the weather affects battles, movement, etc. So, just remember to keep your focus with the FE stuff, use it well and your story will be awesome. ;) And as Rainy said, keep them coming, finish this thing. ^^
Lol, I always admit my mistakes.... I look down on myself a little too much, but I guess that's the low self-esteem at work :sweat:

I do love my FE, I do want to make many FE references... but not too many because some of my readers haven't played a single FE game in their life. ...that's why it's a crossover, it has the weapons, locations and classes of the FE world, and the characters of my canon 'series' and characters people have allowed me to use c:

Anyways, this story is top priority along with my drawing works (which will hopefully be posted within the next few weeks). Anything else (story wise) is lower on the scale. This... could be the one story I truly finish :)

I thought this was about Destiny.
Nope, that's just a lame title I came up with months ago... not about our lovely Ex-mod. Didn't the 'Fire Emblem' part not catch your eye? Oh well... other than you thinking this story was about Destiny, did you even remotely read it? O.O;
 

tysonrss

Keyblade Master
Joined
Jul 31, 2012
Location
OH, USA
Now I understand what your VM was about.

And no lol I thought the story was about Destiny because she's leaving.
 

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