This is rather
infuriating, and an unrealistic expectation that a lot of people have about relationships, because I only ever see it uttered by women my age or younger that have been in a relationship for
maybe a year or two and are living together, and are expressing frustration that their significant other (typically a man in this instance) isn't doing what they want, and that they feel like they shouldn't have to ask for simple tasks to get done.
My response?
Real honest, respectful, kind, tough but fair women
know what they want, and a good woman will know that their partner will do their damndest to pull the Moon out of the sky
if she asked him to do it.
I’ve been arguing for a long time that my conspiracy theory is that women secretly run the world, because even the strongest, burliest, most alpha-bro-giga-chad man is caught off guard when his daughter wants him to play dress up with her. Or some dads are brought to pieces giving their daughter away on her wedding day.
When it comes to their wives, I, and a lot of men actually, will support our wife no matter what she chooses to do. We’ve been with her through thick and thin. Hey, the vows
did say in sickness and in health, and for better or worse......
I mean, really, do you think Queen Isabella took Grenada from the Moors in 1481-1492 putting an end to the Reconquista, and giving rise to the first global superpower by telling Ferdinand II, her husband:
--Queen Isabella I of Castile and Leon, c. 1482, translated from Spanish, probably.
Or do you think she told Ferdinand II:
She didn’t play coy. And Ferdinand II did siege Grenada, and you know what? Not only did he siege Grenada,
he won it back from the Moors and put an end to the Reconquista.
If you want to be treated like a queen, start acting like one. A queen is firm and direct and knows what she wants, and has no problem telling others what she wants.
In other words, be a Queen Isabella.
They also realize that while acts of service might be her love language and important to her, she also realizes that you communicate and show love differently than she does, and she realizes it’s just as valid as hers.
When you’re in a relationship, you become a team, and a team can only work if the teammates communicate with each other.
These type of women want a shortcut to the end stages of the game, where you have all the weapons, armor, best spells, and EXP
without any of the work that went in to achieve it!!
Basically, sure, you can find good, honest men that are willing and able to anticipate things for you and do small acts of service for you...... But the rub is, that only happens after a long time and a lot of work of getting to know your partner’s wants, wishes, desires, likes, dislikes, preferences, and so on.
You can’t make a map without exploration, and you can’t make a lovemap if you don’t know who your partner is. It's that simple.
Basically, they're trying to build a love map, and in so doing by trudging into unknown territory, due to a lack of communication, they don't know if they're sailing into stormy, uncalm seas, what shorelines are safe to dock at, and so forth.
One way to help him is to give him a compass, a heading, maybe prior maps to help aid in his expedition in building a love map. In this context, those are hints, reminders, communicating why something is important, things of that nature.
In other words, it's like you want to skip to the end of the game with all of the cool weapons, armor, skills, and EXP without
any of the work that goes into earning those things. You want the perfect boyfriend, but aren't willing to communicate what it is that
you need.
Another way of looking at this is consider the task of doing dishes. Now, does doing the dishes
also mean cleaning the counters?
If so, you suck at communication, because there's going to be a sizeable number of people that take the phrase, "doing the dishes"
quite literally. Doing the dishes
is doing the dishes.
Now, in this scenario, you want both the counters cleaned and the dishes cleaned, and suppose they took you literally and only cleaned the dishes. You're now mad that the task isn't done, and they're confused as to why you're mad, because
they did the thing as you communicated it.
That isn't
their fault. It's yours for failing to communicate what that task means for you, and what criteria that you would consider them done.
In other words, if the task was to draw a cat, are you mad that they didn't draw a cat, or are you mad because they didn't draw the cat
you had in mind? If you meant a housecat and I drew a tiger, would you be angry? Both are cats by definition.
Now, in building a love map, you and your partner will reach a point where you both learn about each other and can begin to anticipate the other's needs/wants/desires, but that won't happen if you don't give them a clue. Eventually it
will get to the point where you
don't have to ask, they just know, but expecting that at this point in your relationship is
unrealistic.
Another way of offloading the mental load, as it were, is to simply delegate tasks in a way that
they're responsible for everything. Make it a meeting of knights of the round table (I'm being serious here) with mead, wine, beer, or drink of choice, and when an agreement or accord is made, take a drink together. For example, if after this meeting, they're to do the laundry,
let them handle doing the laundry. It's now
no longer your responsibility to worry about the laundry getting done.
So yes,
you do have to advocate for yourself if you want that perfect relationship. Trust and communication
are the foundations of a healthy relationship, so sorry if that means you let them know why something is important to you. Nobody ever was, is, or will be a mind reader. Mind reading is
impossible.
Want to be treated like a queen?
Then act more like Queen Isabella and start directly communicating what it is you need. Plain and simple.
Note: This is coming from a heterosexual point of view, as that's what I am, but this applies to other romantic relationships too. Don't be coy. You're a unique person with a unique perspective. You
absolutely have to communicate how you want your partner to treat you. Give them a clue so that the love map they build you is more accurate.
But what do I know, I've only been in the same relationship for close to 14 years....
