Recently, I had a "dream" where I was having a conversation with Buffy Summers. She had the same scary eyes (whitish gold) that she had when her watcher and friends cast that enjoining spell and she deafeted and killed Adam in the episode "Primeval" season 4.
https://buffy.fandom.com/wiki/Enjoining_spell
But I wasn't scared, because I felt no evil or malevolent aura/energy emanating from her. Her voice sounded normal, not like it did in "primeval" when she destroyed Adam, but she had the same eyes as then. We were in a relatively dark room because outside the sky was grey and covered in dark clouds and it was raining. We were having a conversation. She told me that the dish soap was on the countertop and I was washing dishes. She then told me that to the Powers That Be, we are as mud or dirt and that they don't care about us. She sounded angry, bitter and disgusted. When I try to this discuss this topic further with her, she kept changing the subject and she kept saying "don't talk about that" or "later" and "go get some rest", as if she was trying to protect me from something or someone. She walked away and I knew that she was going to her bedroom to get some sleep and I was going to take a nap in the guest room after washing the last two dishes.
Also, I had a "dream" where I was packing a few things (I was forced to leave two or three things behind, and I took only a couple articles of clothing, a few bath towels, and one or two stuffed animals) and I ran from home because my mother and sister didn't care about me and were either verbally abusing me or acting as if I wasn't there, as if I didn't even exist. I ended up in a parallel universe somewhere in the multiverse and I packed my stuff there too and I run away again. As I ran out of the house with a handful of my stuff, I heard my sister ask me where I was going and my mother say "See? You're not neglected and mistreated here" as I ran out of the house and left. After sprinting away and standing near the park a little further away from my "home", it occurred to me that maybe in that parallel universe I was not neglected and mistreated by the only family I have left, but after thinking a little bit I realized that their behavior didn't match their words and I didn't want to chance it and end up in an abusive environment again. So I just ran away once again. I just ran and didn't look back, my heart was heavy and I just wanted to burst into sobs, but I was so sad that I couldn't cry (researchers have established that
crying releases oxytocin and endogenous opioids, also known as endorphins, these feel-good chemicals help ease both physical and emotional pain, since I couldn't cry there was no outlet or catharsis for my pain).
Have you ever been so sad that you couldn't even cry because it hurt so bad? I have. I didn't want to be alone, but I just felt the urge to get as far away from them and that house as possible. I wanted to scream and cry. I was wondering in how many parallel universes in the multiverse did I have to experience this horrible situation, how many of my alternate selves went through this and would it ever stop, would I ever be loved and accepted one day, or would I forever be unwanted, ignored, neglected and mistreated, would I ever fit in somewhere?