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Chuck Norris Jokes

Jul 4, 2010
in a great black pit
i love chuck norris jokes :)

chuck norris once played russian roulette with a fully loaded gun... and won

chuck norris is the only man to ever beat a wall in tennis

there is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures chuck norris allowed to live

chuck norris once won a staring contest with the sun

chuck norris doesn't read books, he just stares it down until he gets all the information he wants


Dank meme connoisseur
Nov 27, 2010
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72. And they're all poisonous.

-Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

-If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris hears. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.

-The phrase 'when pigs fly' used to mean "constantly" until Chuck Norris got bored of roundhouse kicking pigs.

-Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets out of the way.

-Brokeback Mountain is not only the name of a movie, but what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his backyard.

-The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Chuck Norris has been there. Then it's most likely stained in blood and tears.

-Everyone has an inner child. Even Chuck Norris. He ate one for breakfast.

-Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

-Contrary to popular belief, the lottery numbers aren't random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that givin day.

-Chuck Norris can draw a square circle.

-Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double for crying scenes.

-Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is beating you down, don't be offended, he just be trying to say he likes your hat.

-Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

It's a pretty long list, but I have an iPod app.
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To kill Chuck Norris (don't gasp) you need to shoot a werewolf out of a silver bullet
Chuck Norris makes Glee seem depressing
The only things that survive the apocolypse are cockroaches, and Chuck Norris. However, the roaches might not survive Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris swims on land and walks on water
Yo momma's so ugly, she makes Chuck Norris look like a supermodel
Chuck Norris once got hit by a train. The force of the impact sent the train flying:P

Say, have thought about doing this with Yo Momma jokes?


Dec 15, 2010
Chuck Norris used his urine to make Red Bull.
Two years later he came with two new brands: Monster and Amp.


I don't suffer from it ..
Jun 17, 2010
An early build of Majora's Mask contained a 25th mask - the Chuck Norris mask. This was removed from the final build because it made the game too easy. When Link wore it all enemies would drop dead out of fear.

Ganondorf purposely lost to Link and allowed himself to get sealed away in the Sacred Realm because he found out Chuck Norris was in Hyrule looking for him.


Nature's troll
Mar 17, 2010
Pacific Northwest
Chuck Norris doesn't battle, he just allows you to lose.
There used to be a street called "Chuck Norris," but they changed it because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as ''You Know Who''
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked an obese boy into space. That boy's name was "Mars"
Chuck Norris once roundhoused a planet so hard and so fast it burst into flames, today it is known as the sun.


Dec 15, 2010
Chuck Norris had a bet with Justin Bieber on who could sing better. The loser wouldn't be able to hit puberty.

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