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Chuck Norris Jokes

Rytex

Resident Netizen
Joined
May 10, 2010
Location
Random house in Texas.
1. Chuck Norris puts the FUN in funeral.
2. Look at the following equation: Fail + Fail = Epic Fail. Epic Fail + Epic Fail = Epic Win. Epic Win + Epic Win = Chuck Norris. This equation is impossible because you're insinuating that Chuck Norris is made from failures.
3. Chuck Norris doesn't have a reflection. Not because he's a vampire. His reflection is afraid to claim to be like him.
4. Under Chuck Norris' beard isn't a chin. Under the beard is another fist.
5. If you misspell Chuck Norris on Google, it does not say "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It says "Run for your like while you still can."
 

DekuNut

I play my drum for you
Joined
Jan 30, 2011
Location
Tangent Universe
When the boogyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
There are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and Chuck Norris's way. Chuck's way is like the wrong way, but with more roundhouse kicks.
Whenever you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he says, :3 seconds 'til," an when you ask "Three seconds until what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris does.
 

insanity76

I don't suffer from it ..
Joined
Jun 17, 2010
Location
Texas
Brokeback Mountain isn't just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
 

DekuNut

I play my drum for you
Joined
Jan 30, 2011
Location
Tangent Universe
Rainbows are what happens when Chuck Norris Roundhouse kciks Ricahrd Simmons.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Noris's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Every cell in Chuck Noriss's body has its own beard.
Some people have mushrooms on their pizza. Some have pepproni. Chuck Norris usually has Venezuela.
 

DekuNut

I play my drum for you
Joined
Jan 30, 2011
Location
Tangent Universe
Chuck Norris does not go hunting because it implies the possibility of losing. Chuck Norris goes killing.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he was mistaken.
 

DekuNut

I play my drum for you
Joined
Jan 30, 2011
Location
Tangent Universe
Chuck Norris's Beard has a reprasentative in Congress.
Chuck Norris has the greatest poker face of all time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get Out of Jail Free Monopoly Card, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a Green Four Card from Uno.
When Chuck Norris sends in taxes, he mails only blank forms and includes only a picture of hiimself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris never pays taxes ever.
Go to Google. Type in Chuck Norris" and click "I'm Feeling Lucky". "You don't find Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris finds you".
 

insanity76

I don't suffer from it ..
Joined
Jun 17, 2010
Location
Texas
Wilt Chamberlain once claimed to have slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls that a "slow Tuesday."
 

DekuNut

I play my drum for you
Joined
Jan 30, 2011
Location
Tangent Universe
Deat once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
Contorary to popular belief, it is Chuck Norris, not the blue-ringed octopus of eastern Australia, is the most poisonous creature alive. Within minutes of being bitten, a human being can experience the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightening of jeans, and the feeling of being repeatdly kicked through a car windshield.
Chuck Norris's advice: grow a beard.
Chuck Norris can stop time for two hours by thinking about pineapple.
 

DekuNut

I play my drum for you
Joined
Jan 30, 2011
Location
Tangent Universe
Chuck Norris swears he didn't sleep with you/r wife. Sure, your children show an interest in Beard Cultivation and Texas justice, but he thinks that those questions are asked only by people asking for a roundhouse kick.
We all know the magic word is "please" as in "please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.
 

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