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Attempt to Be the Largest Thread in DGN History

J

JohnLaurinaitis

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[video=youtube;qX8BRbNGdy0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX8BRbNGdy0[/video]
 
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My complaint about Muffins

The prerequisite to understanding this letter is to have encountered some of Muffins's prognoses and to have realized how sleazy they are. Before examining the present situation, however, it is important that I bring fresh leadership and even-handed tolerance to the present controversy. It is probably unwise to say this loudly, but I, not being one of the many inane, verbally incontinent ivory-tower academics of this world, am entirely shocked and angered by Muffins's ignominious improprieties. Such shameful conduct should never be repeated. For many reasons, too many and too complex to go into here at this time, I must say that I, not being one of the many cold-blooded cadgers of this world, have to laugh when Muffins says that truth is whatever your grievance group says it is. Where in the world did it get that idea? Not only does that idea contain absolutely no substance whatsoever, but it is doing everything in its power to make me leave the country. The only reason I haven't yet is that I believe in the four P's: patience, prayer, positive thinking, and perseverance.

This may sound like caricature, but Muffins thinks that the federal government should take more and more of our hard-earned money and more and more of our hard-won rights. However, its superstitious, uneducated quips are an evil without remedy. Muffins has announced its intentions to introduce absurd, baseless, terror-ridden lawsuits intended to destroy the lives of countless innocent people. While doing so may earn Muffins a gold star from the mush-for-brains teetotalism crowd, if you were to ask it, it'd say that it doesn't remember perpetrating acts of the most viperine character. Not only does Muffins doubtlessly have a very selective memory, but its contrivances are not just about diabolism but also about ultracrepidarianism. I won't dwell on that except to direct your attention to the vulgar manner in which Muffins has been trying to compromise the things that define us, including integrity, justice, love, and sharing. Some of Muffins's arguments are so convoluted that they require a dictionary, a decoder ring, and a team of scholars to decipher. Nevertheless, I can state with absolute certainty that Muffins's claim that it would never dream of meting out harsh and arbitrary punishment against its opponents until they're intimidated into a benumbed, neutralized, impotent, and non-functioning mass requires a willing suspension of disbelief, an ability to set logic aside and accept any preposterous notion that Muffins throws at us.

Heinous, snotty hierophants of stoicism are often found at Muffins's elbow. This suggests to me that Muffins used to be a major proponent of separatism. Nowadays, it's putting all of its support behind charlatanism. As they say, plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose. I'm willing to accept that I resent being pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, and numbered. I'm even willing to accept that its epigrams do not pass muster by any objective standards. But I've found that most hate-filled blacklegs display complete and utter nescience of its obloquies. To help educate them, let me say a little about how sensationalism has served as the justification for the butchering, torture, and enslavement of more people than any other "ism". That's why it's Muffins's favorite; it makes it easy for it to sugarcoat the past and dispense false optimism for the future. In a nutshell, the only morally sound solution is to penetrate the sunny façade of Muffins's conclusions with the sharpened stick of reality.
 

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