Are Teenage Relationships Worthwhile?

[A Link In Time]

I originally intended to post this topic in the Mature Discussion but since some members have blocked access upon request or refuse to post in said subforum, I decided to post this here to broaden the discussion. It's slightly more serious in tone and questions than most General Discussion threads but we'll manage.

One of the biggest head scratchers of my social life or rather observance of that of others is the insistence to begin dating at a young age. People have their reasons-a greater sense of security, the urge to become more acquainted with the opposite (or in some cases same) gender, a desire to fit in with the societal norm.

But are teenage relationships worthwhile? I've seen my fair share of guys and girls have their hearts broken whether in real life or on the Internet. Conversely, some relationships are of pure apathy. Neither side particularly cares for the other resulting in a hollow display of affection. If you're not going to treat a partner seriously then maybe you should reconsider.

Yet there's the nuance of treating dating too seriously and causing major problems for yourself and your family. Some couples become delusional and partake in sex affairs leading to premature pregnancy. The guy then usually deserts the girl whose life is squandered to care for the child. Forget higher education or a horizon for a brighter future, you've got a kid ot focus on.

Overall, teenagers appear to get themselves in more trouble than happiness with hookups. If you think I'm wrong, go ahead. Play the devil's advocate. What are your thoughts on the topic? Do you embrace my position or are you diametrically opposed to it? Hit me with your best shot.

 

[Johnny Sooshi]

I have mixed thoughts on it so I'll just go and lay them out.

First of all, as a teenager, I see both sides of this story and I can understand pros and cons.

I have had a couple relationships and I won't lie, they were never super serious. Mostly they went into kissing and a little groping, but not much farther than that. So I haven't had any experience with teenage sex or anything like that.

Now I think that on the one hand teenage relationships can be quite useful in terms of experience. Why wouldn't they? They allow teens to experience some of the nuances of an adult relationship without the hassle of permanent relationships or big arguments.

However, they have no great benefits, and are both a time waster and distraction from normal every day life.

That's my overall stand, so that's about it.

 

[Shroom]

I would agree with above and say it's just a great thing for experience, whether it be maintaining a relationship or forming one.

I have 2 sets of friends who have been in a relationship since high school, one early high school and one late high school. The early high school relationship is still very stable and to be quote honest I along with many others expect them to get married.

The one that formed later in high school was an absolute train wreck from an out side point of view. The girl he dated and still is broke him away from his friends and kind of forced him to be alone with her. To be honest I saw her as a generally unpleasant and self centered person who I used to be friends with for a good time, but decided not to put up with anymore, on the flip side though, he continually cheats on her and I think only sticks around for the sex he gets, but he protests that he has real feelings for her and stuff. Eh I've kind of had a falling out with him as well because I didn't agree with his actions.

So I mean both situations I've seen personally are pretty opposite ends, and these are just close friends relationships. The experience from other ones I've seen have shown at the end that these relationships do build experience and are kind of something to base a future relationship on, or maybe you'll be one of the few lucky ones who stick it out like my one friends, I dunno. These relationships are really like a lot of other things, you get out what you put into them.

Edit: One thing I forgot in my initial post is that if a high school relationship, or any relationship is seriously tearing you apart from your really close friends and even sometimes family I would highly suggest re-evaluating the relationship. I would highly recommend breaking it off or at least trying to adjust things if it's taking you away from these groups unless they were harmful to you, but in the end if this relationship ends you have your friends and family to fall back on, and the more you push these people away the less cushion you'll have. This isn't always the case, but just something to consider over these, in most cases, "small time relationships."

 

[GirlWithAFairy]

OK Im jaded BUT Im a person that doesnt like to waste time with relationships. For me, they arent just for funzies. I always wanted something meaningful and long term. I wasnt one to change boyfriends like I did socks. Unfortunatly the guys I did end up dating didnt entirely feel the same and I was more often than not cheated on and dumped. Most of the people I knew in high school had similar experiences. I know 2 couples that had worthwhile relationships and they are stil together. Most of the people seemed to think it was all just a game, no one cared about feelings or the other persons wellbeing. It was all about instant gratification. GRANTED most of these people are the same was as adults so I highly doubt this is limited to teenagers. Im starting to wonder if relationships at any age are truely worthwhile what with people getting divorced all the time, cheating on their spouses, abusing their spouses etc etc etc... I donno, like I said totally jaded.

 

[Dan]

Yeah I guess they are, you learn more about the opposite gender, gain some more social skills and it can be a rather pleasurable experience. It's also possible to stay together forever and ever. I'm pretty sure however those statistics are quite low. So don't go into high school expecting to meet your future wife.
It's cool if you want to avoid them however, but it's relationships in high school aren't usually that bad ALIT. Might do you some good in fact.

 

[Ventus]

I myself do not see teenage relationships as much good. Granted, I may be a negative nancy in this situation, lamenting my own circumstances and being envious of others. However, what I see in teen relationships is nothing but jealousy, envy, and skank-ish moves. Not ALL teen relationships are bad; as many people have noted there are a few that go so far as to marriage and long term happiness. But, that is but a diamond in the rough; the majority of relationships are the "one month breakup" deal, where they just go in for all the wrong reasons (sex primarily), then come out looking sad.

Negative nancy stuff
I know a couple guys who literally dated girls to "be hard stuff" whatever that means. They wanted to make an image out of themselves using the wrong methods. I myself became popular at my school for having amazing grades compared to everyone else. I'm always on top of my work, a studious kind of guy. But other guys, they dated girls and dump them, they lie and cheat on their "girlfriends" for whatever reason. I don't know their impetus for doing so, but It's just sad.

I myself know this one girl who was 14-15 years old dating an 18 year old. Everyone including myself told her it was stupid to even consider it, given that if the two were caught together (and they were), the cops would totally take the guy away from her and she really only wanted his man parts for anyway. Eventually, the girl comes to school bragging about how she "lost her virginity to her boyfriend", which in my opinion is entirely a ridiculous thing to brag about. Later on, the two broke up and she was crying for so many days. And nowadays? She acts like she is hot stuff, and she comments on her boyfriend being a big mistake, because now the guy is at college bragging about how he took a 15 year old's virginity. Pretty stupid, eh?
----
I acknowledge there CAN BE GOOD coming out of dating. Again, some people date so long that they reach marriage. Others still just date each other and help each other through college (like roomates, sort of). But, why do we have to date each other to know how we feel and to do good things for each other? I am not dating this girl I really REALLY like, but I have gotten one (only one, sadly) hug out of her, I've helped her through tough times involving her brother and her family state, she gave me her GameCube for FREE just because I was a good friend to her, I've used her phone to call my mom, and we went to the mall together once. All without dating. We're just friends. A simple friendship, nothing deep like dating, can elicit as much good as dating can. So, I don't care for dating. If you want to date, go ahead! I don't control anyone. Just leave me out of dating, aight?

 

[Lamphobic]

As a person being a teenager at this time in life I probably have a biased opinion on this (actually screw that, I have a biased opinion on everything) but I don't care much for relationships. I haven't been in a "teenage relationship" and I don't really feel any need to go out and try for one at this time in my life. It would be unfulfilling for me because I want a relationship that's nice and quiet and not like most highschoolers where they'll constantly change from one to another. I'm personally choosing to wait until later in life to look for my "eternal soulmate" because that just can't happen right now.

Not to say I don't see at least a few "happy couples" in my school but out of the I-don't-know-how-many dozens of relationships there hasn't been one I've seen people graduate in.

 

[TheMasterSword]

Teenage relationships are indeed worthwhile. It allows the teenage to mature and know what love feels like for future mates.

 

[Paco9]

I think that relationships aren't a good choice for anyone who can't drive.
The whole point of dating is to find someone you're going to marry. If you can't even drive yourself to the movies without your parents taking you,then it's kind of pointless. I would wait at least until you can drive before dating.

 

[octorok74]

I don't think so. The teenage years are too tumultuous, so you just end up with a big mess. Now I realize that sometimes everything can work out in these years, but it seems rare.

 

[Moonstone]

I do think teenage dating is a waste of time, and I also think it's pretty detrimental for a lot of people. Most people don't know themselves at that age- it's a hard and confusing time for almost everyone. While I can see how one would think it's better to find a person to rely on at that time- I don't think it is. I find it causes too many people to become codependent and unaware of themselves. They start to need a certain person without learning how to fend for themselves... and when they lose that person, their whole world just falls apart. Some people never learn to be independent, and continue the cycle of becoming attached, and completely falling apart again.

**Edit: Yes, I do realize this doesn't apply to every teenager.

 

[bunny]

I think it's fine. Of course it doesn't work out for everybody, but I really do think it's fine. I know several people who have had successful relationships with people in their teen years. They're actually married now.

But I'm not saying that I think most teenage relationships work out. In fact, my experiences have been the complete opposite. I've dated 3 guys and all of them ended pretty badly... The first guy ignored me, the second guy, who I had an on off thing with, cheated on me several times, and the last guy cheated on me with my best friend. Yep.

However, I still believe that it doesn't hurt to try. I think that you have to be really careful with teen relationships, though. They can really mess you up if you aren't...

 

[Hanyou]

I'll soon be marrying the woman with whom I entered a relationship when I was 18 and she was 16. You can guess my opinion on "teenage relationships."

Neither of us was particularly mature at the time, but I think we both took the prospect of a romantic relationship very seriously. I wasn't willing to enter into one without someone I could see as a potential wife. Eight years later, we've both got our lives together and we haven't once felt the need to stray from each other.

To those who insist that teenage relationships are somehow less serious than "adult" relationships, ask your grandparents when they got married and for how long they've remained committed to each other. The answer, in most cases, should be fairly predictable. As with all questions of this nature, it's a matter of personal virtue, which may not have that much to do with maturity. Do you understand commitment? Do you understand the implications of a romantic relationship? If so, you're probably ready. If not, age may not fix the problem.

 

[misskitten]

Speaking as someone who didn't really get to do the whole dating thing in my teens, I think that held me back when I reached my twenties. I was the bullied kid growing up, got used to people treating me like crap that whenever someone actually treated me like a human being the shock of it would leave me crushing on them for a while. Less than a handful of times (including the beginning of my twenties) did anyone appear to actually like me as something more than a friend, and the mere flattery had me convinced I felt something in return.

This left me absolutely clueless when I actually did fall in love in my early twenties, and I completely messed up something that part of me still believe could have become something special. I've never felt that way about another person as I did back then, never felt that connection, that bond.

I believe early relationships, especially in the teen years, help you mature emotionally. Gives you experience that you'll need in order to be able to navigate more adult relationships later on. And I'm not even talking about sexual matters, but rather all the other components that make up a relationship, the emotional parts, the more innocent types of relationship intimacy, like holding hands, embracing and kissing. To just trust someone else with your heart for no matter how long, to experience young love and heartbreak and just learn to navigate a relationship.

I didn't get to do those small steps, learn from the mistakes made in relationships of a less serious nature, instead I got to royally mess up that one relationship that under other circumstances could have become it for me - if only I had known how to handle it properly, not let it frighten and overwhelm me the way it did.

I think we need relationship experience to mature emotionally, and if we don't get to run wild with our hearts in our teens, there's a chance we're only delaying the process and then by the time we are ready for more mature and deeper relationship they become harder to find...

 

[Claire]

I'm biased on this subject.

For one, I know many people beyond their teenage years who are immature and have similar struggles with relationships. The other side of the coin is that I began dating my boyfriend when we were both 13 years old, and while it wasn't always easy, we're still together and going strong. I think maturity is the key here, because without maturity this can happen to anyone at any age. It's not restricted to teens. I'd have to say being mature about the relationship is what matters, not your age. There are people who get jealous, lie, and put on a facade. I am unsure of how common or uncommon it is, but my middle school romance was successful. We're actually looking to tie the knot after we graduate. But I know the risks too, considering my mom got married at 18 (not to my father) and they didn't know each other all that well. He ended up physically and mentally abusing her (and the women who would later enter his life). Some people just don't seem as capable to maintain a healthy relationship as others.

Can they be worthwhile? Absolutely.
Can they be a serious mistake? Absolutely.

It all comes down to maturity and mutual interest to make the relationship successful, or to take it seriously.