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General Art Amnesia (A Ganondork Original Story)

Ganondork

goo
Joined
Nov 12, 2010
I haven't done a series in a bit. I'll be writing this one during 1st period, so... :xd: I put a reference in for somebody special. <3 She'll get it when she sees it. It's PG-13 for violence, and my other usual stuff.

***​


I stood in a mid-sized prison cell. I looked around, observing my surroundings. My cell lacked a door, and the only form of decoration was a small, rectangular table in the center of the area. The darkness was heavy on me, but I had long adjusted. The corners of the cell were damp; I didn’t want to guess what made it like that. I sat on the wooden chair that accompanied the table. The back was hard on my frail body, and I couldn’t suppress a moan when I sat down.

A small part of the wall in front of me parted to the right, revealing a pair of eyes. “Stand back,” the guard commanded. I did so; I pushed away from the table and stood up. The seemingly door-less cell opened with an eerie creek. Light from the outside blinded my eyes, and I had to shield them with my hands. A hand produced a small, silver plate. The door shut closed, leaving me in total darkness. I stared down at the food for a moment; it looked a bit like a paste of some sort. I tore at the food ravenously. I ate the food so fast I didn’t even taste it.

I looked at the empty plate. My stomach growled in irritation. I was still famished. I looked down at my food-encrusted fingers and sighed. Without any utensil to eat with, my hands had grown dirty, even allowing fungus to grow underneath my fingernails. I pushed my chair back in and paced back and forth in the cold, damp room. My mind was numb with hunger. I needed food now, or I would go insane with this desire, or even die.

My stomach seemed to gnaw at my insides. I stared at my disgusting hands, fixated on them. I felt hours – possibly days – of abuse finally catch up with me. The blood on my upper lip was dried, but the gash was still there. I felt hatred for my captors like I had never felt before. I had trouble breathing at the thought of this newfound hatred.

I looked up at where the door had materialized a few minutes ago. “I will kill them,” I said to myself, “Kill them all.” I swore vengeance upon them, anger seething through my body. A growl escaped my throat and I finally yelled, “I will kill you! I don’t care how long you keep me in here, I will find a way, and I will kill you! Mark my words, your death will be by my hand!”

For a moment nothing happened. I looked triumphantly at the wall; my anger diminished. I breathed a sigh of relief; I now understood how much trouble I could have been in had they heard me. I looked away, and I heard the door open. Unlike last time, it wasn’t slow and careful, it was fast and uncaring. About a dozen men flew through the cell, armed with long, metal sticks. The first man threw me to the floor, the next two held me down. I writhed in pain as the other men kicked, beat and stabbed me with their feet and weapons. The two last men took me by the arms and carried me to the corner of the cell. Two chains hung on the ground, the other ends hooked into the wall. They placed the chain’s cuffs around my wrists, raised the chains and then walked out.

The door shut loudly behind the final man, bathing me in the darkness I had grown so accustomed to. My arms were up along the side of the wall, my wrists pointed in an awkward direction. I groaned as pain shot through my arms. Even moving my finger caused great pain to my brittle body. I assessed the situation; I was chained to a wall, and very close to death. Chances of making it out alive seemed slim.

I stared off into the darkness with a blank look on my dirty face. I thought of absolutely nothing; my mind was blank. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure in the shadows. The silhouette of the person sent shivers down my spine. What was going on? Was this a guard they left to beat me within an inch of my life? My blank mind stirred to life as fear gripped my heart. I tried to look calmly forward, trying not to give away my knowledge of this person’s presence, but them being there seemed to be weighing down on me.

“I see you,” I said, on the verge of insanity, “I know you’re here. If you want to kill me, then do it now.”

The answer to my plea for a quick death was a giggle. It was not something a guard would ever do; it seemed to be actually feminine. I whipped my head towards the figure. “Who are you?” I asked in such a way to try to intimidate the person.

The figure stepped into an area where I could see them better. It was not a guard, it was a girl. She had brown eyes – which I quickly got lost in – golden-brown hair – which took my breath away – and two features I had never expected to see out of a person before. Instead of the usual rounded ears, they were pointed, and snow-white wings hung on her back. Silence fell into the cell as I took in her beauty. I was completely speechless, and she seemed in no rush to say anything.

“I can help you,” she finally told me. She pulled a small knife out of her golden clothes and swiped at the chains. Like butter, the chains separated without any resistance.

I stared up at her, admiration – and fear – in my eyes. “Who are you?” I asked her.

“My name?” She asked innocence in her voice. “It’s Tekara.”

I was speechless at how she said it. She spoke with such elegance that my rough way of speech could never imitate the dialect she had. Her way of speech were foreign to me, and only added to the powerful beating of my heart.

“And who are you?” She asked, snapping me back to reality.

I thought about it for a long time, trying to think long and hard about it. I tried to recollect any memory that I might have ever had, of my family, of friends, of even myself, but none came. I finally said, “I don’t know.”

Amnesia
 

ZeldaOcarina

Princess of Hyrule
Joined
Sep 9, 2011
Location
Hyrule
I liked the ending- it was expected because of the title, and yet everything else written up to that point from the story actually caused it to seem almost as a ending twist. Your writing is very descriptive, which is nice, because I really got into the story. Wonderful job, and I am excited to see more! :)
 
Joined
Apr 16, 2010
This is a nice story. The description was nice, and, you know, everything else was good. My only complaint is that a some points when the narrator is describing the scene it seems to be spoken somewhat matter-of-factly, if that makes sense. Other than that, this is pretty good.
 

Ganondork

goo
Joined
Nov 12, 2010
Part 1: Ignorance is Power

Alright, I'm no fan of chapters for this story, it will be divided into two parts.

***​


Tekara looked at me, alarm in her eyes. Her eyes’ position changed to the ground when she noticed the look I had in my eyes, she was avoiding my gaze. My eyes however, were fixated upon her. Her beauty captivated me, and she seemed to know it. “We need to get you out of here,” she said, still avoiding my stares. “Follow me,” she turned around and continued forward. I followed, wondering where we could go. She pressed her ear against the wall, and tapped on it.

Finally producing a response from the door, Tekara grasped the air, turned it and the door opened. She stepped outside of the cell, leaving me confused. All that time I had been there, and the knob was there? I followed after Tekara, and gave a final glance at my cell. I was not going to miss it, but I would always remember it – whether the memories were good, or bad.

As soon as we stepped outside, Tekara broke into a sprint. It took a great effort to keep her pace, but I managed. The combination of the blinding light and malnutrition made me take gasps for breath within a minute. No amount of wheezing or silent begs for her to slow down made Tekara slow her pace; I just had to continue through.

As we ran, I took in our surroundings to try and block out my beating heart and my great attempts for a breath of fresh air. All I saw were posters hung on the walls; it didn’t take long for me to realize this was a community center. It gnawed at me to ask why a prison would be held in a community center, but my gasping for air prevented any form of speech.

The first poster was very mild; it depicted a man with a yellow and lime green uniform with a gold-colored hardhat giving thumbs up to the camera. The text above him said “Give us the funds… And we’ll go to work!” The next poster, however, was not as kind-hearted. It showed a pregnant woman sitting in a clinic with her face buried in her hands. The text said, “Don’t let this be you.”

Others were mortifying, portraying images of dead children, and men dying on a battlefield, with text saying “We don’t want this to happen to you.” Another showed two countries next to each other, and it said “We are righteous, they are sin.” The final image showed a man towering over a woman, who was on her hands and knees. The text said, “Do not live a life of love; live a life of power.” After finally reading that poster, I turned my head away and stared forward, avoiding the idealistic thoughts to the left and right of me.

We burst through the entrance doors and leaped down the flight of stairs. We ran through the bustling cobblestone road and knocked over anyone in our way. I didn’t give it any thought at the moment, but my guilt weighed on me later on. We ran into what appeared to be a forest. Massive trees loomed over our heads, casting a shadow that lowered the temperature considerably. As the cool air hit me, I finally felt how sweaty I was. My soaked clothes were disgusting, and my shoes were torn into a state of disfigurement.

Tekara finally slowed her pace and we began to walk. She didn’t give any sign of exhaustion, but I was almost on my hands and knees gasping for a deep breath of fresh air. She patted my back as I grasped a nearby tree root and let out shallow rasps for clean oxygen. It felt like a barrier in my throat prevented air from coming. Finally, with a loud gasp, the barrier broke. Air filled my lungs and I stood up, color returning to my pale face.

Tekara appeared satisfied and gestured for us to continue walking. We kept a good pace, but we heard the sound of barking from far off. “They’re looking for you,” she warned. “They’ll throw you back into your prison – or worse.”

“Don’t remind me,” I said, rolling my eyes. She looked into my eyes for a moment, and then looked away, her mind whizzing with thoughts and ideas. “What?” I asked.

“Nothing,” she said quietly.

“So,” I said, trying to keep the conversation going, “What’s up with the wings and the ears?”

“I’m a winged elf,” she scoffed, as if it were obvious. As I thought about it, I realized that it sort of was.

“I’ve never heard of them, nor seen them. Where do you come from?” I continued, ignoring her venomous attitude. It seemed like she disliked the topic.

“I’m not sure,” she confessed. “All I remember was growing up in an old couple’s house. They treated me like their daughter. They didn’t care that I was different, they embraced it. I felt accepted there,” she said, scooting closer to me.

I turned a bright shade of red as I felt her body press against mine. “I don’t see why you wouldn’t be accepted,” I said, mesmerized by her beauty.

She stood up fast, and looked down at me with disdain. “I am not like everybody else! Can’t you see that?” She spread her wings out and flapped them. She slowly lifted off the ground, “I’m not normal, I’m a freak,” she said, staring down at the ground.

“No, you’re not,” I said, trying to calm her down. “You’re perfect.” She seemed to calm down, and slowly landed back on the ground.

“You think so?” She asked.

“Of course,” I said with a smile on my face. She ran towards me and gave me a hug. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before. She held on to me tight, her head up to my chin. I put my head down, savoring the moment. She smelled like something so great and wonderful that words couldn’t describe it. Our embrace seemed to go on forever, her protected in my arms.

Finally, she broke away. She drew back, leaving a lasting feeling in my stomach. “We need you to get back your memory,” she said, “For whatever reason they’ve taken it away, but for a reason. They may be cruel, but they aren’t idiots.”

“Who are ‘they’?” I asked, “I don’t know why they would want me in the first place, I doubt I was anything special.”

“I… I can’t tell you who they are yet, I don’t even entirely know yet,” she confessed. “But for whatever reason they’re after you, you must be an important part of their plan.”

“What plan? Stick me in a prison? Starve me to death? Their plans sound idiotic,” I said crossly.

“They may have been trying to break your will,” she noted.

I didn’t respond; there was nothing left to be said. “Follow me,” she said, trying to break the silence.

She continued walking, but at a quicker pace. I didn’t struggle to keep up, but she was definitely in a hurry to arrive at our new destination. The forest’s path began to grow thinner, and the trees began to have a menacing element to them, as if we weren’t welcome here. The darkness loomed over us, sending chills down my spine. Unlike before, it wasn’t just a bit colder; it was like an entire new environment now.

***​

I parted the two leaves that blocked my path, and looked forward. In front of me stood a great empire. Large buildings were erected, making the trees seem miniscule. They were intricately and symmetrically built to represent something, but what that something was, I did not know. Plants grew over these structures. It did not take me long to realize that this civilization was long abandoned.

“What is this place?” I asked, staring at the destroyed empire’s majesty. “Why did you take me here?”

Tekara walked forward, and down a hill towards the city. I followed after her, hoping to find answers. She looked at the tallest structure, and put her hand on it. She brushed away dirt and dust that had collected, and it showed hieroglyphics. A single picture of a man was left. He had white wings on his back, and pointed ears.

“Your ancestors…” I said at a loss for words.

She shed a single tear, “Yes, they once lived here.”
 
Last edited:

zeldahuman

Graphic Designer
Joined
Feb 22, 2011
Location
Akkala
I haven't done a series in a bit. I'll be writing this one during 1st period, so... :xd: I put a reference in for somebody special. <3 She'll get it when she sees it. It's PG-13 for violence, and my other usual stuff.

***​


I stood in a mid-sized prison cell. I looked around, observing my surroundings. My cell lacked a door, and the only form of decoration was a small, rectangular table in the center of the area. The darkness was heavy on me, but I had long adjusted. The corners of the cell were damp; I didn’t want to guess what made it like that. I sat on the wooden chair that accompanied the table. The back was hard on my frail body, and I couldn’t suppress a moan when I sat down.

A small part of the wall in front of me parted to the right, revealing a pair of eyes. “Stand back,” the guard commanded. I did so; I pushed away from the table and stood up. The seemingly door-less cell opened with an eerie creek. Light from the outside blinded my eyes, and I had to shield them with my hands. A hand produced a small, silver plate. The door shut closed, leaving me in total darkness. I stared down at the food for a moment; it looked a bit like a paste of some sort. I tore at the food ravenously. I ate the food so fast I didn’t even taste it.

I looked at the empty plate. My stomach growled in irritation. I was still famished. I looked down at my food-encrusted fingers and sighed. Without any utensil to eat with, my hands had grown dirty, even allowing fungus to grow underneath my fingernails. I pushed my chair back in and paced back and forth in the cold, damp room. My mind was numb with hunger. I needed food now, or I would go insane with this desire, or even die.

My stomach seemed to gnaw at my insides. I stared at my disgusting hands, fixated on them. I felt hours – possibly days – of abuse [was] finally catching up with me. The blood on my upper lip was dried, but the gash was still there. I felt hatred for my captors like I had never felt before. I had trouble breathing at the thought of this newfound hatred.

I looked up at where the door had materialized a few minutes ago. “I will kill them,” I said to myself, “Kill them all.” I swore vengeance upon them, anger seething through my body. A growl escaped my throat and I finally yelled, “I will kill you! I don’t care how long you keep me in here, I will find a way, and I will kill you! Mark my words, your death will be by my hand!”
Just some small errors I found. ^^ There are some more down the page... :yes:

Ganondork said:
For a moment nothing happened. I looked triumphantly at the wall; my anger diminished. I breathed a sigh of relief; I now understood how much trouble I could have been in had they heard me. I looked away, and I heard the door open. Unlike last time, it wasn’t slow and careful, it was fast and uncaring. About a dozen men flew through the cell, armed with long, metal sticks. The first man threw me to the floor, the next two held me down. I writhed in pain as the other men kicked, beat and stabbed me with their feet and weapons. The two last men took me by the arms and carried me to the corner of the cell. Two chains hung on the ground, the other ends hooked into the wall. They placed the chain’s cuffs around my wrists, raised the chains and then walked out.
If the chains are on the ground, how can they be "hung on the ground"... wouldn't it be more like, "Two chains sat idle on the ground,..." or something of that nature? Also, this part feels just a tad ruched. I mean, it's just that, this kind of scene can't happen in just one paragraph. If you think it's fine, whatever, but I feel like this part in particular was rushed in a sense that everything happens at once. Like, describe how the character feels as he's being attacked, maybe mention something about blood re-appearing (you mentioned dried-blood on his lip where his gash was)... or something.

Ganondork said:
The door shut loudly behind the final man, bathing me in the darkness I had grown so accustomed to.
Epic win. 'Nuff said; this is a great line I had to mention... ^^

Ganondork said:
My arms were up along the side of the wall, my wrists pointed in an awkward direction. I groaned as pain shot through my arms. Even moving my finger caused great pain to my brittle body. I assessed the situation; I was chained to a wall, and very close to death. Chances of making it out alive seemed slim.

I stared off into the darkness with a blank look on my dirty face. I thought of absolutely nothing; my mind was blank. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure in the shadows. The silhouette of the person sent shivers down my spine. What was going on? Was this a guard they left to beat me within an inch of my life? My blank mind stirred to life as fear gripped my heart. I tried to look calmly forward, trying not to give away my knowledge of this person’s presence, but them being there seemed to be weighing down on me.

“I see you,” I said, on the verge of insanity, “I know you’re here. If you want to kill me, then do it now.”
The part I bolded doesn't make much sense in a sense that, these lines are very uncharacteristic. Like, the narrator is too masculine to say this. It'd be more harsh, not "I see you,"...

Ganondork said:
The answer to my plea for a quick death was a giggle. It was not something a guard would ever do; it seemed to be actually feminine. I whipped my head towards the figure. “Who are you?” I asked in such a way to try to intimidate the person.

The figure stepped into an area where I could see them better. It was not a guard, it was a girl. She had brown eyes – which I quickly got lost in – golden-brown hair – which took my breath away – and two features I had never expected to see out of a person before. Instead of the usual rounded ears, they were pointed, and snow-white wings hung on her back. Silence fell into the cell as I took in her beauty. I was completely speechless, and she seemed in no rush to say anything.

“I can help you,” she finally told me. She pulled a small knife out of her golden clothes and swiped at the chains. Like butter, the chains separated without any resistance.
Why is this the first time we hear of her golden clothes! And also, going back to the silhouette thing, assuming Keyari this girl is an angel... wouldn't she not have a silhouette? I imagine angels as always emitting light; shimmering. But meh, it's your story.

Ganondork said:
I stared up at her, admiration – and fear – in my eyes. “Who are you?” I asked her.

“My name?” She asked, innocence in her voice. “It’s Tekara.”

I was speechless at how she said it. She spoke with such elegance that my rough way of speech could never imitate the dialect she had. Her way of speech was foreign to me, and only added to the powerful beating of my heart.

“And who are you?” She asked, snapping me back to reality.

I thought about it for a long time, trying to think long and hard about it. I tried to recollect any memory that I might have ever had, of my family, of friends, of even myself, but none came. I finally said, “I don’t know.”

Amnesia
I bolded/edited one little error. It sounded weird to me...

... so... yeah... good job and all that...
 

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