Zelda Art Adventure Of Shad
- Thread starter blue-eyes
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Raindrop14
Soldier for Christ!
Yay!!! I AM THE SAGE OF THE FOREST!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! I like my glowing ball.
blue-eyes
Phoenix
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2010
- Location
- Among the stars
Yes, all characters are important that are in it now are important
Luigidude64
Suzune Supporter
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2011
Where's Mirrom?!!
blue-eyes
Phoenix
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2010
- Location
- Among the stars
Next Chapter. I thought that while he is unconsious, he should see the chamber of sages, but he wakes up with Mirrom healing him
Luigidude64
Suzune Supporter
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2011
YAY! That's an awsome thought. . . .
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2010
Great job! I like the idea that Link isn't the only one who can have part of the Triforce of Coruage. This story is more fast-paced and full of danger than the game, too, so you're turning something familiar into something that could really be anything. I'm interested to see what happens next!
I'd suggest slowing down the pace of the story a little; make each scene last a little longer. You don't have to spend 700 words describing sunsets, but you could slow the pace by making the action a little more complex (maybe create scenes where the characters have to sneak around enemies and not get caught, maybe create scenes where the characters have to convince another character to do something for them, etc.)
But overall it's a good story! You're doing a great job creating suspense on a lot of different levels; already, I want to know if Emma will be rescued, if Shad will be okay, what it means that Shad has the Triforce of Coruage, what Joseph is up to, and how all of the other characters will come into play. The best way to get better at writing is writing more, so keep it up!
I see you need some sages. You can make Zare a sage, if you want.
I'd suggest slowing down the pace of the story a little; make each scene last a little longer. You don't have to spend 700 words describing sunsets, but you could slow the pace by making the action a little more complex (maybe create scenes where the characters have to sneak around enemies and not get caught, maybe create scenes where the characters have to convince another character to do something for them, etc.)
But overall it's a good story! You're doing a great job creating suspense on a lot of different levels; already, I want to know if Emma will be rescued, if Shad will be okay, what it means that Shad has the Triforce of Coruage, what Joseph is up to, and how all of the other characters will come into play. The best way to get better at writing is writing more, so keep it up!
I see you need some sages. You can make Zare a sage, if you want.
blue-eyes
Phoenix
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2010
- Location
- Among the stars
Thanks tav. i like that your interested. The temples will be around 2 chapters each, i like the zare is a sage idea. maybe sage of time? I really didn't think about the last couple chapters having much action, I am thinking about the sneaking and the convincing things and I actually will do that
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Raindrop14
Soldier for Christ!
Hey, it's like Doctor Who!!!! The Doctor is older than he looks.
blue-eyes
Phoenix
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2010
- Location
- Among the stars
Here is chapter 7. Did zeldadungeon go down this morning?
"Don't move, this might hurt," said an unknown voice.
"Is he alive?" Panda asked.
"Yes, but that blade had poison on it. Thankfully, Shad has a natural resistance of most poisons, and this is one of them." The unknown voice replied.
"How can you tell?" Keely asked.
"Because if he wasn't resistant, his insides would be mush by now," the unknown voice said, and Shad realized it was one of the Tribe members, Mirrom Saki'.
Shad opened his eyes, and saw the inside of his hut. It wasn't burned down, unlike many others
Mirrom was wearing what she usually wore, clothes that resembled the Sheikah garb, colered teal, with a golden eye symbol, wearing a turban and scarf, with a large apron going from her right hi to her ankle. Her hair was down to her waist, braided near the bottom, and her bangs covered her left eye.
"Why did you take me here?" Shad asked with a confused expression on his face.
"Because it was the closest hut that wasn't ashes and you needed help fast. Your chest was almost gushing out blood, and your injuries were the most servere. When we got the bandages on, I left to help the other villagers, and these two," Mirrom said, pointing at Keely and Panda, " stayed here and watched you. You should be healed by tommorow, because Keely grew some medical plants and those really help with recover time. So I guess tommorow we'll get our stuff together and leave?" she asked.
"You want to come?" Shad asked, "Then come. We need all the help we can get defeating Joseph the Brutal."
"Thank you!" Mirrom said happily, leaving the hut.
"I guess we'll let you rest up for tommorow," Panda said, exiting the hut with Keely close behind her.
After that, Shad fell back asleep
(Ill post another chapter or the next part later)
Chapter 7: Mirrom Saki'
"Don't move, this might hurt," said an unknown voice.
"Is he alive?" Panda asked.
"Yes, but that blade had poison on it. Thankfully, Shad has a natural resistance of most poisons, and this is one of them." The unknown voice replied.
"How can you tell?" Keely asked.
"Because if he wasn't resistant, his insides would be mush by now," the unknown voice said, and Shad realized it was one of the Tribe members, Mirrom Saki'.
Shad opened his eyes, and saw the inside of his hut. It wasn't burned down, unlike many others
Mirrom was wearing what she usually wore, clothes that resembled the Sheikah garb, colered teal, with a golden eye symbol, wearing a turban and scarf, with a large apron going from her right hi to her ankle. Her hair was down to her waist, braided near the bottom, and her bangs covered her left eye.
"Why did you take me here?" Shad asked with a confused expression on his face.
"Because it was the closest hut that wasn't ashes and you needed help fast. Your chest was almost gushing out blood, and your injuries were the most servere. When we got the bandages on, I left to help the other villagers, and these two," Mirrom said, pointing at Keely and Panda, " stayed here and watched you. You should be healed by tommorow, because Keely grew some medical plants and those really help with recover time. So I guess tommorow we'll get our stuff together and leave?" she asked.
"You want to come?" Shad asked, "Then come. We need all the help we can get defeating Joseph the Brutal."
"Thank you!" Mirrom said happily, leaving the hut.
"I guess we'll let you rest up for tommorow," Panda said, exiting the hut with Keely close behind her.
After that, Shad fell back asleep
(Ill post another chapter or the next part later)
Luigidude64
Suzune Supporter
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2011
Yay! Love Mirroms persona, the only version of it that has deep details. . .
Raindrop14
Soldier for Christ!
I think it might have been the internet that went down. At my house the internet was down but it might be different for you. The internet could have just went down for me and ZD also went down and the internet didn't go down for you. Who knows.
I liked that chapter. I'm a helpful sage.
I liked that chapter. I'm a helpful sage.