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Zelda Art A Fan Fic.

Hazel

A Frog
Joined
Feb 19, 2010
Location
on my bean bag...
Legend of Zelda: The Hidden Sorrows.

Me and my brother are writing a fanfic together, and I have decided to post it. This is the prologue, and for the rest we will post a sign-up thread. Here it comes!

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Prologue
Fifty years... Fifty long years had passed since the evil Ganon was defeated by the Hero of Time, now King of Hyrule by Queen Zelda’s side. Since then, the magnificent country had changed a lot, and peace had been continuing since. But the Queen feared that her country might be subject to a new threat. Queen Zelda of Hyrule convinced the King to train elites to help defend the country. He agreed, and created the Arvas, brave and strong Warriors trained by the Hero of Time himself. He chose his closest, most trusted friends to lead them into battle. They settled in 6 regions of Hyrule, with their groups of Arvas. They settled in a large house that was to be called a Clan.

There was the Sea-Clan of Tooth, who accepted particularly cunning and strategic members into their order. When they had joined, the personal mage of the Leader gave them the magical ability to breathe underwater. It was the only Sea-Clan; only one was needed to keep Pirates away from Hyrule.
There were many Land-Clans, though. There was the Clan of Rose, located in a deep forest. They were primarily Negotiators, Mages and Thinkers. They weren’t physical warriors, more warriors of the mind. They excelled in many magical domains, mostly of Psychic Powers. These were the quickest of thinking and all were highly intelligent. They studied more than fought, or than they trained for fighting. They were the only ones trained by Queen Zelda of Hyrule.
There was the clan of Iron, who lived deep in the mines. They relied mostly on their physical strength and they often used heavy but powerful weapons. The strongest were selected by this Clan’s Leader. Monsters lived in the mines, and they were still a gigantic threat. They had to be powerful warriors to be able to resist against them.
There was the clan of snow, where the brave ones went to seek their place. Upon the highest mountains of Hyrule, those towering peaks had been an utterly lawless place before the Leader came with his Clan and chased all the bandits out of the mountain, and even out of Hyrule.
There was the Desert, with its Clan of Sand. These Arvas were the ones that could endure impossible amounts of pain, hardships and torture. They were generally jolly and good-natured. The Desert was a dangerous place to live, but the Sand Arvas were trained to survive any conditions, from icy cold to blasting warmth.
There were the Peaks Clans. These were several Clans of the same Clan residing dispersed around the land they watched over. These were where the ambitious Arvas were accepted. They did the most throughout work.

All the Land-Arvas had mounts called Tikalas. These had rounded horns, a beak and great wings. They were loyal and trustworthy.
The Sea-Arvas’ mounts were the same, except they were much bigger, had no wings, but fins, and had no beaks, but a set of fearsome teeth. They could swim faster than any creature and could cover many miles in a few minutes. Their only flaw was that they tired quickly.

There was one very important thing about the mounts. They chose the Arvas, not the other way around. To be Chosen was a supreme honour that only came to a certain age group. Once Chosen, the Chosen One could not back away from becoming an Arvas. He has to leave his friends and family for the skies and freedom of the Tikala's life.
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OK, Here's the link to the sign up thread
http://zeldadungeon.net/forum/showthread.php?9794-Sing-Up-Thread-for-Fan-fic-I-Am-Writing.
 
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Hazel

A Frog
Joined
Feb 19, 2010
Location
on my bean bag...
Thank you for your attention, all you peeps. The next update will be in a few weeks, because I would like more people to sign up for it. Here it is!!!

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hiddensorrows.png


The King’s Worries


The King was worried. Whispers and rumours of why that might be fled through the Palace. It had to be serious if it worried him, the Hero of Time himself, who had faced many dangers single-handed. The Queen was dead? No. An army was attacking Hyrule, and had exterminated all the Arvas? Neither. A plague had been brought by traders? No. Trade had been stopped? No. It had to be something so big that nobody could have seen it coming. It could be Ganon, returning from the grave, or worse...

If all those good people had known that what tormented the King was simply a letter, a letter that had failed to arrive they would not have been so terrified...


In the private chambers of the castle, the King was kneeling and holding hands with his wife Queen Zelda, who was still as beautiful as the sunrise. Her hair was still a brilliant gold with only a few fine white streaks passing through them, but it only gave her dignity, and her was face only slightly lined by time, but her creases only suggested a lot of laughter and smiles. She was smiling at the moment, trying to comfort her kind husband, who was tormenting himself over the Tooth Arvas. She had to admit, she too was frightened, but she didn’t show it, it would only trouble her husband further.


The chamber they were standing in had been built after Ganon’s death. It was grand, with high Arches and swooping staircases to defy gravity itself. The walls were a light blue and gold, but right now, at sunset, the whole room and sky were painted red and gold. The enormous window let all the light in and offered a splendid view over the town.


“Link, do calm down now.” Zelda said in a soothing tone, trying to calm her beloved husband’s anxieties. “I’m sure they’re perfectly fine. I will send someone with something to drink; it’ll make you feel better. Just relax, my dear. Everything’s going to be just fine.”
“I am worried, it is not my fault!” Link snapped. “They have not replied to my messages for the last three months! What can have happened to them? Why aren’t they answering to my messages?” Link suddenly got up and started pacing. He sighed. “I’m sorry, dear. Please excuse me, I’m just so scared. What if they decided to turn against me? They are very strong, my love. They could heavily damage us. It is the biggest Clan of them all.”
Zelda glided towards him, also sighing softly. “Don’t be so scared, Link. You have done nothing wrong,” she said mildly, “besides, they’ll never betray you, and you know it.”

Link gazed at her lovingly and she smiled. Link had changed since all those years ago, when the little boy set out to save the princess. He was very tall now, and some lines also creased his face. He was very handsome, more so than when they had first met. He was also much manlier, she noticed. He had sky-blue eyes and wavy blond hair. He has changed a lot, in the past fifty years... mused Zelda. He was no longer the young adventurous boy who had saved her and in whom she’d fallen in love in so many years ago. He swiftly came by her side and hugged her tight.

“Thank you. Thank you for everything.” He murmured in her ear and backed away, as fast as he had arrived, frowning now. “You are right, there is no way they could have had betrayed me. So something else must have happened, but what? What was the last that we heard from—ah. I remember now.” He gazed sadly into nothingness.
“Link? Link, you know you can tell me anything. What has happened? Sweetheart... can you tell me what’s wrong?” Zelda sadly looked at him. He was hurting inside, she knew that. “What’s wrong?”
He gazed up at her tearfully. “I... l sent them on a mission, a very dangerous one. They must have died there...” Zelda laughed and clapped her hands. Surprise replaced anguish on Link’s features.
“Husband, that was four months ago! And my serving girl, you know, the one with the black braids, well her young man was in that group. And he came home from it. In fact, there were no casualties!” She kept laughing and Link glared at her sullenly. “Oh, stop that, husband. Just send some young ones and it’ll be their training mission! There usually are new ones at this time of the year, no? And then, let us dine. That is the best idea anyone of us have had this evening!”

 
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*M i d n a*

Æsir Scribe
Joined
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Location
*Midgard*
Gender
Entity
Very good, Hazel and brother. I like it, it's well written. Can't wait for the next parts to come. I hardly saw any typos and the story flowed excellently.
 

ChargewithSword

Zelda Dungeon's Critic
Joined
Jan 13, 2009
Location
I don't want to say.
Wow Hazel, um that was a very good concept for a story here but I must say that your punctuation leaves much to be desired.

Example: The King was worried. Whispers and rumours of why that might be fled through the Palace. It had to be serious if it worried him, the Hero of Time himself, who had faced many dangers single-handed. The Queen was dead? No. An army was attacking Hyrule, and had exterminated all the Arvas? A plague had been brought by traders? No.(Besides, trading had ground to a halt.) It had to be something so big that nobody could have seen it coming. It could be Ganon, returning from the grave, or worse! If all those good people had known that what tormented the King was simply a letter, a letter that had failed to arrive, they would not have been so terrified...

Now I am not saying this fic is bad, I'm just saying that the punctuation is sometimes off and that makes certain sentences confusing. I give you a thumbs up for the good story though. Also I find the way you handle Link and Zelda to be interesting. I shall quietly wait for more in anticipation.
 

Meego

~Dancer in the Dark~
Joined
Jan 30, 2010
Location
England
Yes! It is amazing and to Charge, give her some leeway, she is French so it may be harder to write in English. Keep going!
 

ChargewithSword

Zelda Dungeon's Critic
Joined
Jan 13, 2009
Location
I don't want to say.
Yes! It is amazing and to Charge, give her some leeway, she is French so it may be harder to write in English. Keep going!

She wants to get better grammar then she should at least know that she made a mistake. Everyone makes these things and they eventually get better. Hazel is a great writer and is sure to get better as time passes by. Listing her mistakes at leasts helps in getting her to better foundation and structure.
Besides, she offers to help me with my story by listing my mistakes and making me better so I do the same for her.
 

Hazel

A Frog
Joined
Feb 19, 2010
Location
on my bean bag...
Okay guy/gals, here comes the rest! I have decided to work like Charge and Atsuma, splitting up the Chapters.

Thank you, Alex, Meeg, Atsie, Charge.
The Reunion



Link was pacing back and forth over the marble floor of the meeting hall. The leaders would arrive soon, and some of them he had never worked with. The Clans had chosen several new leaders after the deaths of the previous ones. They were very young and that worried him greatly. ‘I’m worrying far too much these days... I need to get some rest,’ he thought bitterly. The Queen obviously sensed and shared his anguish and wanted to comfort him.


“Husband, you too were young when you decided to save me from that terrible, terrible man. They are like you, young and brave, you cannot blame them.”

“You are right. But they--” Link was interrupted by the Leaders entering the room. They were all chatting comfortably, like old friends. The only person missing was the Tooth Leader, but that was only expected. Link frowned and his wife put a comforting hand on his arm.


The Snow leader bowed, his grey skin shining dully, muttering a formal greeting in broken Hylian marred by a Goron accent. He had grown better since Link first met him, though. Then, he didn’t say a single word of Hylian. The others also greeted him respectfully and formally, it wasn’t like the old Leaders, who had been his dear friends and on whom he had always been able to count on for a laugh. Ah, well. At least, there were still three of them alive. Or maybe two, now, as his friend Iria of Tooth failed to respond to his letters.


He stepped down from the throne on the far end of the great room and went up to his dear Goron friend.

“Ah, my friend, it has been a long time! It’s good to see you, Co-gono!” Link exclaimed, truly joyful at having seen his old friend after two years. “How are you? And SnowHeart? I trust you are both well!”

“Hello, Link. You miss me?” his rumbling laugh echoed through the room like stones falling down the mountain. “Joke, joke. I was just joke. Good to see Link after long time.” He had a strong Goron accent. The Queen glided up beside them.

“Hello, Co-gono. It’s nice to see you, friend.” She kissed him.

“Nice to see you too. Still pretty girl, I seen.” Zelda blushed and Co-gono laughed his booming laugh once again.

“I’m nothing to what I used to be, I’m ugly and old now.” Zelda laughed and smiled warmly at their guest.

“Not at all, my love! You are as beautiful as the moon, even more so than before!” Link burst out. Zelda laughed daintily. “Look over there, there’s Irasa!” He headed towards the figure on the other side of the room. Everyone was being too polite, he thought. Much too polite. Not like the old days.

“Ah, Link, my friend!” Exclaimed Irasa when he saw him. Irasa was short and sturdy. The first thing everyone noticed about him was his head. It was that of a black panther, with great fangs like the Sabre Tooth Tigers of old. He spoke with a slight lisp, as his teeth prevented him from speaking properly. He smiled –or at least, Link thought it was a smile; it was hard to tell— at the pair.


Zelda leaned down and kissed him. “Irasa, it has been so long! Will you honour us by eating at our table this evening? Co-gono is also coming.”

“Co-gono? He’s here? I have to go and see him now!” Co-gono used to be his best friend, but he hadn’t seen him for a few years and they still considered each other like brothers.

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Not a lot happened here, but there you go.
 
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Meego

~Dancer in the Dark~
Joined
Jan 30, 2010
Location
England
Keeeeep going, I want more. I must see my character and everything, keeeep going!
 

*M i d n a*

Æsir Scribe
Joined
Aug 18, 2009
Location
*Midgard*
Gender
Entity
Sabre Teeth? More like Sabre Tooth. That is the only typo, if you call it that, that I saw. Good job, K and H, keep it up. ^^
 

ChargewithSword

Zelda Dungeon's Critic
Joined
Jan 13, 2009
Location
I don't want to say.
Very good with this chapter though not much happens.

Though this sentence isn't wrong, it's awkward to think. I would suggest using the words, "back" and "forth" in place of the bold.

The leaders would arrive soon, and some of them, he had never worked with. The Clans had chosen several new leaders after the deaths of the previous ones. They were very young, and that worried him greatly.

"Link was pacing backwards and forwards over the marble floor of the meeting hall."

Other than that, you were pretty fine this time with punctuation.

Also I make the suggestion of not giving the narrator a personality unless you plan to have that happen often. I have run into this problem and I am trying to fix it.
 

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