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This is one from my school days. We had a supply teacher in his 60's. We used to love him as he would write the answers on the board and we never actually had to do any work. One of the other students asked him if he had ever done cocaine. He replied 'Now that...thats an experience I'm saving...

My training partner has been drinking huge amounts of blended fruit and he said how bloated he has been feeling. I told him 'You'll probably get diarrhoea because of the huge increase in fruit that you're not used to' He replied 'Oh excellent, sometimes you just need a good bout don't you?'

This is a conversation between me and a Zimbabwean friend. Me:Why are you putting 10 sugars in your coffee? Him:Because I am African and that is what we do

When someone says to me 'You look familiar, do I recognise you from somewhere?' Me: 'I do porn'

One just came to me. This was actually a couple of days ago. A small boy of about 5 at the bus stop waiting for the next bus. He started getting excited and said 'daddy I can hear the bus, daddy! I can hear it with my nose!'

I cant post my best ones because of the mature content but I'll post a couple of more suitable ones here. 'did they actually take the voice acting out of this game? The mouths are moving but no sound is coming out.' My friend when I first showed him zelda 'I'll get you your money. No! I cant...