Revealing a crush

[Dan]

So I'm actually serious about this. Is it always wise to reveal to someone that you have had/have a crush on them? In the past I've had a few people admitting in a group that they have had a crush on me in the past which has left me feeling a little awkward, and made interactions with that person awkward and ultimately killed friendships.

What do you kind hearted people think?

 

[Justac00lguy]

I always tell people via a romantic VM or, if I'm feeling mysterious, I'll post in the crush thread.

 

[(◕‿◕✿)]

the only true way to reveal a crush is to mysteriously™ hint at it in the things on your mind thread

 

[Dan]

I always tell people via a romantic VM or, if I'm feeling mysterious, I'll post in the crush thread.

Well I meant real life but I come now homie.

 

[Terminus]

I usually work myself up into a state of rashness so I have the guts to out and say it.

 

[octorok74]

If I can physically meet the person then I tend to write them a letter. Really, I write a letter anyway. But yeah, I'd say I tell the person that I have a crush on them.

 

[Dio]

So I'm actually serious about this. Is it always wise to reveal to someone that you have had/have a crush on them? In the past I've had a few people admitting in a group that they have had a crush on me in the past which has left me feeling a little awkward, and made interactions with that person awkward and ultimately killed friendships.

What do you kind hearted people think?

If you want to tell a crush you like them, I find a G&T or two helps build the confidence to do it.

As for the friends thing. I dont see the problem with telling a friend you have a crush on how you feel. There is a lot to gain and the thought of seeing them in another mans arms should be motivation enough to come out and tell them.

 

[Emma]

Is it always wise? Well no. Is it always a bad idea? No. Love is a very, very complicated thing. And it's next to impossible to predict how anyone will react. You could find that the attraction is mutual and it continues well from there. Or, there could be a mutual attraction but the other person is too afraid and it just falls apart. Or there could be nothing there and they freak out. Or they might not have ever considered it before and are intrigued once they realize what you think. And that's not an exhaustive list. Anything could happen. Personally I'd say go for it anyway. But there are no promises or guarantees. Failure can mean anything from staying friendly and moving on on good terms, or it can completely destroy any future interaction and anything in between those two points. Too much confidence might actually hurt your chances because it might frighten the other person if you tell them what you feel too confidently. It may creep them out. There's no magic solution for this unfortunately.

Your best chances are going to be to build some confidence, but not too much. Be yourself, and don't try to go outside what you are. Be honest, don't exaggerate. Be sensitive to the other person's feelings, and don't push too hard. That's the best approach I can think of, but as I keep saying, there are no guarantees. Human behavior is that hard to predict. And when you are on the other side and you don't want it.... try to think of how they're feeling and don't be mean about it. Let them down as nicely as you can. Awkward feelings are just as hard to predict, but kindness should help. I've seen the worst awkwardness happen when the rejecting party is particularly mean about the rejection, or when they try to insist the other party must be making a joke. Kindness and sensitivity are key to getting through the situation with your best chances of the best possible outcome.

 

[Beauts]

I understand the feel, I've had people who were friends admit they have a crush on me and I've just felt awkward as heck afterwards and feel like I can't act normal around them anymore. However, we're all adults now so my method for that situation is to front it out, the weirdness always goes away eventually.
Tbh I think if dropping huge massive obvious hints Beauts style doesn't work for you but you really like the person, it's worth telling them. If you're not sure, do it in a slightly joking way to see how they react first. If it's just a fleeting crush and you're more concerned about not losing their friendship then sometimes it's best to say nothing at all as it'll probably pass, but if not I think telling them, though hard, is worth it. You can do that in many ways, write them a note, a message, tell them face to face, whatever is more comfortable for both of you. But as I say, try to figure out whether the crush is worth going out on a limb for versus friendship.

 

[CrimsonCavalier]

In my opinion, you shouldn't say "So I've had a crush on you for [insert time period here]. I was wondering if you have a crush on me too."

What you need to do is ask them out. For coffee, a few drinks, to go do something outdoorsy, whatever it is you're into. If they say no, then it's no. If they yes, then there's still work to do, but at least you know there's something. But using the word "crush", in my opinion, is not the most wise choice.

 

[Kylo Ken]

Watch School Rumble, it will give you the best ideas on how to reveal your love, Dan.















I love you too, Dan.

 

[Vanessa28]

It might not always be wise but after walking around with the feeling I would reveal it. I mean you can sit there and daydream but what does it do for you? It might be awkward to the person you crush on and to yourself as well, but it is better to get it out and at least know what you can expect. In a NO case you can try to move on which is not always easy. But at least you know the answer.

 

[Beauts]

I just thought I'd also come back and mention the tried and tested method of getting wasted and getting off with them. If you throw everything at 'em something might just stick #badadvicethatjustmightwork

 

[Dan]

Oh thanks guys, I feel somewhat a bit guilty about all this. All your advice is very sound but upon re-reading the thread I can see it looks as if I'm asking for advice, where's in actuality I was just bi-curious surrounding the subject. I was watching old episodes of the Bill and it made my heart sink when a relationship literally gets destroyed when the character reveals the crush to his crushee. I found it somewhat interesting, since it seems that liking a person too much can actually destroy a relationship, which is quite stunning considering you would expect the opposite. I never really put much thought into how devastating the effects of simply telling someone you have a crush on could be, until now.
It actually made me very guilty that my own previous past relationships were destroyed because I was didn't feel the same way, I felt that I could have remained friends with these people.

 

[Link Floyd]

Personally, I would be very flattered if a friend revealed they used to have a crush on me a long time ago. But I guess it really depends on the person. For example, if the person is really chill and laid-back, it might be alright to open up about a crush. If the person is a bit of a drama queen, maybe it's not such a good idea. But it really depends on the person and situation. Following your instincts is the best way to go, I think.