I have social anxiety disorder. I went to the epicenter of socializing—the mall. All I could hear were people judging me, and all I could see were people staring at me and laughing. Everyone was having fun being out with friends and all. Some random store clerks were trying to be nice to me or something, but I had no idea how to respond, so I said nothing. I am extremely jealous of those mall-goers and the lively, youthful store clerks and cashiers. This is what happens whenever I visit social gatherings. It's still a wonder to me that I am still able to hold a job in a moderately social environment such as a grocery store. Granted, I work in produce, away from most people, but I managed to survive the front end for quite a long while prior to my promotion.
I don't think I'll ever understand people. How do they make friends? How do they gain the trust of others? How is it they speak so easily and fluently to one another without choking up or having to gasp for air every two minutes? There was a time—long, long ago—when I had tons of 'friends.' I wish I knew what happened; this is something that I'll always try to remember.
I am very, very depressed.
I don't think I'll ever understand people. How do they make friends? How do they gain the trust of others? How is it they speak so easily and fluently to one another without choking up or having to gasp for air every two minutes? There was a time—long, long ago—when I had tons of 'friends.' I wish I knew what happened; this is something that I'll always try to remember.
I am very, very depressed.
