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Things That Are on Your Mind

If it makes you feel any better, you don't have to feel forced to interpret finding people beautiful as being attracted to them. If it were that black and white then every human person is pansexual. Maybe that is part of what you mean by the internet playing a role in your crisis; I don't know about you but the internet does seem very trigger-happy about conflating those two concepts. But they are actually two separate things, and you're not being sinful for noticing women as pretty. And if you're not currently in a relationship (or don't plan to be in one any time soon), then you don't even have to worry about whether or not you think acting on such a thing is deemed sinful by your faith because you are not acting on it as of right now. You have plenty of time to figure out your stance on that in relation to your faith life.
 
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Pokémaniac13

Triforce Champion
Joined
May 14, 2022
Location
New Mauville
it's zd, I've been led to think how I do because of the internet, none of this ever came to my mind before that...
would I even think I'm a part of lgbtq+ if I didn't have the internet, is it all a rebellion

it all started when I got on here

I could've been happy
I could've stayed awya from metal music and different views and been able to connect

I would've avoided all this pain

it's too late, I can't switch back
I've become to set on what I believe

I can't un-support what I decided to support
maybe if I wrtie it

disgusting
it's disgusting
I'm disgusting
stop thinking like that
you're wrong
you're mistaken
you read what you weren't supposed to
destroyed your faith
it's out to destroy your faith
you don't like girls
you don't
you don't...

I can't do it
I can't think like that
it's too late

maybe if I isolate from everything that makes me think like that i can
change

I don't want to leave...
I don’t want you to leave either. No one does. The fact that your family, or anyone else, can make you feel this way…I can’t imagine…

I don’t know if I CAN help, but I will try my hardest, if that’s alright.
 

Echolight

❤️ love yourself ❤️
ZD Champion
Is this from God?
we just did scripture reading...

I kept trying to convince myself last night, I was crying in bed....I kept muttering over and over and over the church is true the church is true the church is true so maybe my mind could actually believe it...it's not working...
And then I imagined the faces of my dad and my mom and and and my sis when they see my unbelief, their disappointment, I couldn't breathe
I mean I could...but not normally, it was like my chest was compressed, like a cage, and I would quickly suck in little small tiny breaths over and over really fast and I couldn't stop, I was shaking
and at the same time I was about to cry which put pressure on your chest

I asked God to help me believe, I asked if to tell me if the church is true, I whispered it over and over and over and over and then I asked if He's really there at all, then I started crying again.

but...is this from God?

I asked that last night...
scripture reading this morning...

dad talked about his experiences with ignoring God and not following Him, it never worked out, he would always get hurt. He said once you let God guide you it's so much better. And God will help you and guide you once you let Him in. He said the door to Jesus only has a doorknob on my side, I have to open it, I have to do things, or Jesus won't help as much as He could. The holy ghost isn't there in disobedient people...I can't feel it, must mean I'm disobedient. Dad said there are different levels to sinning...if you go to places you shouldn't go, if you hang with people you shouldn't be around...if you do really serious sins, you need to ask for help....I don't want to, I don't want to talk to the branch president about this...but is it the only way to get back...how to recover faith...

I have to get away from things that degrade faith, I have to change my mindset, I have to let go of my will and let God's will lead my life, it's not my life anymore, it's God's...He has a plan for me and I have to sacrifice my own wants and desires and follow His plan

everyone has to make sacrifices....maybe this is just the sacrifice I was given to make....
I still like guys a little...it shouldn't be that hard, even if mostly romantically, I can make it work

so much to take back...all my pinterest boards...my friends irl that I only made through my sins...my journal, my thoughts...they all have to change

was it a sign from God, for dad to talk about exactly what I was asking last night....it has to be it has to be...
God wants me to change
I have to change
 

Pokémaniac13

Triforce Champion
Joined
May 14, 2022
Location
New Mauville
I have to get away from things that degrade faith, I have to change my mindset, I have to let go of my will and let God's will lead my life, it's not my life anymore, it's God's...He has a plan for me and I have to sacrifice my own wants and desires and follow His plan

everyone has to make sacrifices....maybe this is just the sacrifice I was given to make....
I still like guys a little...it shouldn't be that hard, even if mostly romantically, I can make it work

so much to take back...all my pinterest boards...my friends irl that I only made through my sins...my journal, my thoughts...they all have to change

was it a sign from God, for dad to talk about exactly what I was asking last night....it has to be it has to be...
God wants me to change
I have to change
Please stop. I understand that you are going through a rough patch, but you should not try to force these heterosexual norms on yourself, nor should anyone else.
 

LegendOfMeesh

You Are The Light
Joined
Feb 7, 2018
Location
Hyrule Kingdom
Is this from God?
we just did scripture reading...

I kept trying to convince myself last night, I was crying in bed....I kept muttering over and over and over the church is true the church is true the church is true so maybe my mind could actually believe it...it's not working...
And then I imagined the faces of my dad and my mom and and and my sis when they see my unbelief, their disappointment, I couldn't breathe
I mean I could...but not normally, it was like my chest was compressed, like a cage, and I would quickly suck in little small tiny breaths over and over really fast and I couldn't stop, I was shaking
and at the same time I was about to cry which put pressure on your chest

I asked God to help me believe, I asked if to tell me if the church is true, I whispered it over and over and over and over and then I asked if He's really there at all, then I started crying again.

but...is this from God?

I asked that last night...
scripture reading this morning...

dad talked about his experiences with ignoring God and not following Him, it never worked out, he would always get hurt. He said once you let God guide you it's so much better. And God will help you and guide you once you let Him in. He said the door to Jesus only has a doorknob on my side, I have to open it, I have to do things, or Jesus won't help as much as He could. The holy ghost isn't there in disobedient people...I can't feel it, must mean I'm disobedient. Dad said there are different levels to sinning...if you go to places you shouldn't go, if you hang with people you shouldn't be around...if you do really serious sins, you need to ask for help....I don't want to, I don't want to talk to the branch president about this...but is it the only way to get back...how to recover faith...

I have to get away from things that degrade faith, I have to change my mindset, I have to let go of my will and let God's will lead my life, it's not my life anymore, it's God's...He has a plan for me and I have to sacrifice my own wants and desires and follow His plan

everyone has to make sacrifices....maybe this is just the sacrifice I was given to make....
I still like guys a little...it shouldn't be that hard, even if mostly romantically, I can make it work

so much to take back...all my pinterest boards...my friends irl that I only made through my sins...my journal, my thoughts...they all have to change

was it a sign from God, for dad to talk about exactly what I was asking last night....it has to be it has to be...
God wants me to change
I have to change
the way your dad is pushing and pressuring you into being this perfect little disciple is extremely unhealthy and downright wrong to be doing. I’m so unbelievably sad for you. I personally do not believe in god, but I firmly believe that each person’s relationship (or not) with god should be their own choice, their own specifics on how they choose to worship, etc. I think an outsider’s perspective, ideally from a therapist, would be super helpful and healthy for you because you’re clearly dealing with a lot of stress, anxiety, and depression from this situation. sending you so much love right now <3
 

mαrkαsscoρ

Mr. SidleInYourDMs
Joined
May 5, 2012
Location
American Wasteland
I have to get away from things that degrade faith, I have to change my mindset, I have to let go of my will and let God's will lead my life, it's not my life anymore, it's God's...He has a plan for me and I have to sacrifice my own wants and desires and follow His plan

everyone has to make sacrifices....maybe this is just the sacrifice I was given to make....
I still like guys a little...it shouldn't be that hard, even if mostly romantically, I can make it work

so much to take back...all my pinterest boards...my friends irl that I only made through my sins...my journal, my thoughts...they all have to change

was it a sign from God, for dad to talk about exactly what I was asking last night....it has to be it has to be...
God wants me to change
I have to change
what you're thinking of is turning back on the growth you made as an individual, which I think is a mistake
you're going through a lot of confusion and turmoil right now but make sure you don't settle on something that you'll end up regretting, it's about what you want for yourself
 

Echolight

❤️ love yourself ❤️
ZD Champion
Please stop. I understand that you are going through a rough patch, but you should not try to force these heterosexual norms on yourself, nor should anyone else.
what do i do then
i...i know I have those feelings...we all get angry and have feelings we can't control sometimes...

i'm not strong enough to resist on my own...maybe with God, He can help me

i want peace so badly, I want the peace they always talk about
i've never done those steps...
i was already supportive when i find out i...i experienced those feelings

will it give me peace? i can try, I can try those steps and maybe i'll finally be free
i just want to feel the holy ghost...she said she didn't feel it until she got back on track...maybe that's why i've never felt it, i was too young to recognize it before...and now i'm too far away to feel it at all
i still instinctively fight against it...but...but but I need to follow God, He said what I needed to do through my dad...He must've...it was sign

it has to be
i prayed he has to awnser
i don't like the answer
but
but
i can't always ignore answers if I don't like them
i don't want it to be true
why is reality so cruel
i can live with it
i have to
if i accept it ... the whole world's against me
if I don't... no peace...no relationship with God
rhgh
the way your dad is pushing and pressuring you into being this perfect little disciple is extremely unhealthy and downright wrong to be doing. I’m so unbelievably sad for you. I personally do not believe in god, but I firmly believe that each person’s relationship (or not) with god should be their own choice, their own specifics on how they choose to worship, etc. I think an outsider’s perspective, ideally from a therapist, would be super helpful and healthy for you because you’re clearly dealing with a lot of stress, anxiety, and depression from this situation. sending you so much love right now <3
thank you meesh, I appreciate it

maybe the anxiety will leave if I change ... it started when i strayed, maybe it was God warning me
what you're thinking of is turning back on the growth you made as an individual, which I think is a mistake
you're going through a lot of confusion and turmoil right now but make sure you don't settle on something that you'll end up regretting, it's about what you want for yourself
it's never about what i want
life is a test

it's about being a good disciple
and i haven't been one

i convinced myself it was fine
funny huh...everything I struggled with, the answer i ultimately came to i already had agreed with in my heart...i'm just going with what i want

i have to deny myself
i have to follow what God wants, He knows what's best
 
Probably giving unwelcome advice, again, but here goes. I apologize in advance that this may be blunt but I think this is something important you need to think about as soon as possible because the all or nothing mindset you're facing right now is cruel to you.

The problem is you've made these things too much the focus of your identity, to the point that people rejecting them is synonymous to them rejecting you. For instance, being closeted is much more painful if a person feels like they're hiding their entire self to that, and if you have made being lgbt that central to your self concept then it's self explanatory why that is destructive to you. And if you feel you have to change who you are in order to be religious then you've gone way too far with these labels. Even with the metal thing, you kind of went all in as if you can't just enjoy the music; you have to absorb the subculture and the headbanging and all of that? And obviously now you think that these things cannot coexist with faith and the only reason they can't is because you are processing them in absolutes. I know you're going through a lot right now and it's hard to think clearly when upset (don't need to explain that to me at all :/) but, I cannot sit by and watch you spiral over something that I know is a huge contributor to this dilemma.

The amount you talk about being queer on ZD is kind of alarming and unhealthy and frankly it doesn't surprise me that it has altered the way you think this drastically. And to my previous post, you can't ever just acknowledge a fictional character has a cool design, it's always something about your sexuality and it's both uncomfortable and saddening that this is the way you're interacting with things. That is not to say being queer is bad; but you are utterly obsessed with it--of course any resistance you face, even if not directed at you, is no longer thought provoking things to consider and is instead people disapproving of you entirely--because you have given that label too much power over you. And that is not fair to you. You shouldn't simplify yourself like that. You are the only you there is.
 

Pokémaniac13

Triforce Champion
Joined
May 14, 2022
Location
New Mauville
what do i do then
i...i know I have those feelings...we all get angry and have feelings we can't control sometimes...

i'm not strong enough to resist on my own...maybe with God, He can help me

i want peace so badly, I want the peace they always talk about
i've never done those steps...
i was already supportive when i find out i...i experienced those feelings

will it give me peace? i can try, I can try those steps and maybe i'll finally be free
i just want to feel the holy ghost...she said she didn't feel it until she got back on track...maybe that's why i've never felt it, i was too young to recognize it before...and now i'm too far away to feel it at all
i still instinctively fight against it...but...but but I need to follow God, He said what I needed to do through my dad...He must've...it was sign
That lady had such an integral part of her life torn away from her because of people using horrible and harmful miss-interpretations of the Bible to fight against things that they see as abominable. You can’t give up. How do you expect to ever truly be happy if you don’t at least explore a bit. Maybe you aren’t gay. That is a possibility. But you have expressed that you don’t feel that way.
 

Dizzi

magical internet cat....
ZD Legend
Joined
Jun 22, 2016
what do i do then
i...i know I have those feelings...we all get angry and have feelings we can't control sometimes...

i'm not strong enough to resist on my own...maybe with God, He can help me

i want peace so badly, I want the peace they always talk about
i've never done those steps...
i was already supportive when i find out i...i experienced those feelings

will it give me peace? i can try, I can try those steps and maybe i'll finally be free
i just want to feel the holy ghost...she said she didn't feel it until she got back on track...maybe that's why i've never felt it, i was too young to recognize it before...and now i'm too far away to feel it at all
i still instinctively fight against it...but...but but I need to follow God, He said what I needed to do through my dad...He must've...it was sign

it has to be
i prayed he has to awnser
i don't like the answer
but
but
i can't always ignore answers if I don't like them
i don't want it to be true
why is reality so cruel
i can live with it
i have to
if i accept it ... the whole world's against me
if I don't... no peace...no relationship with God
rhgh

thank you meesh, I appreciate it

maybe the anxiety will leave if I change ... it started when i strayed, maybe it was God warning me

it's never about what i want
life is a test

it's about being a good disciple
and i haven't been one

i convinced myself it was fine
funny huh...everything I struggled with, the answer i ultimately came to i already had agreed with in my heart...i'm just going with what i want

i have to deny myself
i have to follow what God wants, He knows what's best
Im sure God loves you and when youre older youll look back on this and be why did i say this?? I'm sure he wants you to be your weird lovely self whos loved by us lot!!
 

Rubik

King of Lorule Lounge
Joined
Jan 19, 2018
Location
California
Gender
Horsehead
Echo,

I don't know everything, you don't know everything, and your dad doesn't know everything. None of us can claim absolute understanding of God. Navigating our relationships with faith, spirituality, and religion is difficult because we are only human. No one knows what is true for sure, all we can really do is live lives that we can be proud of.

You've got the rest of your life ahead of you to figure out what you believe, you don't have to know for sure now. Just live in a way you can be proud of and happy with and know that even if you aren't perfect, you will be loved, be it by your friends, your family, or by God.

Maybe someday you will find that you agree with your family's beliefs, maybe you'll find that another sect of Christianity appeals to you more, maybe you will find a different religion entirely, or that religion doesn't work for you—but that's not something you need to know for sure now. It's normal to be confused and scared when you're young and feel yourself not matching your parents expectations of you. It's normal to feel hurt when you realize your parents don't like the same things you do or feel the same way about things.

Your parents are only human, and so are you.

I have been praying for you—I hope you find comfort on whatever path is right for you. You have a kind heart and I hope you find happiness and peace.
 

ExLight

why
Forum Volunteer
i have to deny myself
i have to follow what God wants, He knows what's best
I'm sorry Echo, but this reasoning will never make sense to me.
God made you as you are, if you're forcing yourself to change you're forcing yourself to fit what other humans expect, not to what God had planned for you.

I still believe you're letting other people beliefs get in your head rather than build your own with God. I'll strongly insist you should stop using your family's experience with God/ Holy Spirit as a reference, and instead seek your own without expecting anything like whatever they describe. Your Faith isn't and should not be the exact same as your church's or parents'. This is the whole point of finding your relationship with God, it's between you and Him.

What your father and family see as irreverent is their belief and their faith. You can have your own on whether or not God would approve, and honestly I personally don't think an almighty and kind being such as God gives a flying **** on whether good people enjoy metal or people of the same gender/sex or a few other things people might've told you as sacrilegious.

Please try to distract yourself a bit. Stay safe. We love you.
I'm sorry things been leaving you depressed and anxious again lately.
 

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