Zelda MisInformer: Elon Musk Buys Hyrule Castle for 44 Billion Rupees, Proceeds to Run It Into The Ground
Posted on April 01 2023 by Zelda MisInformer
In the latest blockbuster acquisition from renowned businessman Elon Musk, who has had such previous successes as the destruction of Twitter and production of self-driving cars that explode without warning and can’t merge, comes arguably his biggest triumph yet: the acquisition of Hyrule Castle.
“Well, Elon’s offer was generous, so that was one factor in deciding to sell,” said King Rhoam in an official press release. “In fact, the offer was about quadruple the market value of the Castle, so really, it was a no-brainer!” When asked about any concerns about Mr. Musk’s ability to successfully run a Castle of this magnitude, King Rhoam offered up these comforting words: “Well, he couldn’t do a worse job than he did with Twitter, so I’m not worried!”
For his part, when asked about his new investment and the cost cutting allegations, Mr. Musk replied directly with, in this writer’s opinion, a great strategy:
“For too long, Hyrule Castle has stood a symbol of hope and prosperity, employing hundreds and keeping peace, without ever having to think about real-world problems like, ‘How does this Castle make money?’. One of my first courses of action will be to immediately make the Castle more economically viable. These extravagant set-pieces will be left to crumble, saving on upkeep costs; the staff will all be laid off immediately with no severance, which will save on wages and salaries; and most importantly, I’ve been talking to a very interested partner who can provide us with an immediate influx of Rupees through sub-leasing various parts of this Castle. Mr. Calamity Ganon is the perfect partner to bring Hyrule Castle into the new age!”
When asked about any misgivings Mr. Musk might have about working with a partner with a reputation like Mr. Ganon has accrued, Musk replied: “Calamity is a great guy! Misunderstood. I think once people see the great value he can bring to Hyrule Castle, a lot of opinions will be changed.”
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