CynicalSquid
Swag Master General
I feel like writing a lot so might as well post it in one thread instead of making 500 blogs (lol)
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General Art Pancake's Random Writing
- Thread starter CynicalSquid
- Start date
I like your poems; they're cute. ^^
My only gripe with the one posted above is the sudden switch towards the end from four line to five line stanzas. Special praise for stanzas 1, 3, 4, and 6. The first two lines of the poem are very effective in luring the reader in and then shedding light on your obsession. The third stanza makes great use of parallel structure. The fourth stanza abruptly juxtaposes your view with the mainstream perception; the last stanza renders an effective emotional response with the line, "But I poured my heart into it."
Your Amber poem, however, blows this out of the way. Parallel structure once more comes into play but also so much more-it's filled with personal connections, effective use of prepositions, and general consistency. Nice job, Pancake.
My only gripe with the one posted above is the sudden switch towards the end from four line to five line stanzas. Special praise for stanzas 1, 3, 4, and 6. The first two lines of the poem are very effective in luring the reader in and then shedding light on your obsession. The third stanza makes great use of parallel structure. The fourth stanza abruptly juxtaposes your view with the mainstream perception; the last stanza renders an effective emotional response with the line, "But I poured my heart into it."
Your Amber poem, however, blows this out of the way. Parallel structure once more comes into play but also so much more-it's filled with personal connections, effective use of prepositions, and general consistency. Nice job, Pancake.
CynicalSquid
Swag Master General
Ya, sorry about that. I'm new to writing poems though. So it's not my first 2 are going to be amazing.
CynicalSquid
Swag Master General
Sorry, I'm new to this. Hopefully i get better
That will come with practice.
Linknerd09
Luigi Fan
Your poem sounds very nice, PanSam! Love to see more
Great work:yes:
Great work:yes:
Terminus
If I was a wizard this wouldn't be happening to me
Could I get you to do my Poetry tests for me in mt AP Literature class? 
CynicalSquid
Swag Master General
WHOA BRO! I'm not that goodCould I get you to do my Poetry tests for me in mt AP Literature class?
Lock on request by the OP
CynicalSquid
Swag Master General
Bump because I'm bored and I haven't posted here in forever.
Hey look at those weird poems I wrote out of depression... let me just delete some of those. Ok!
Anyways, I don't know what this is. It's kind of dark though. I call it "The Dark Depressing Night".
It was a cold dark night in the forest. A night that seemed like it would last forever. I was scared that the morning will never appear, and it will be night forever. I was starting to miss the joys of daytime. The flowers smiling at the sun, the wildlife frolicking through the woods, and the birds singing their beautiful songs. I missed it all. I missed being carefree. I was constantly watching my back, taking caution at every turn. All the sweet, nice animals were nowhere to be seen, and I felt like all the dangerous killers were surrounding me. I would pass by a few animals that would cheerfully greet me, but I would just silently walked past them. I didn't trust any of them. I thought they only wanted to hurt me. I tried hard to keep going though. Despite my paranoia, I wanted to survive my way through these woods, but supplies were running low and I was starting to lose my willpower. It felt like I was walking for hours and hours, and no progress was made. All I could hear now was the crackling of the leaves and sticks underneath my feet, the "Hoot! Hoot!" of the owls, and the "Howl" of the wolves. I was starting to think that I should turn around and leave. I felt like there was nothing out there for me. I felt so alone. It was too late to turn back now though. I just wanted to end it at that point. My journey was hopeless in my eyes, and it was probably hopeless in other's eyes too. I sat on the nearest tree stump I could find and cried. I knew I couldn't end my journey. Even if I could, I wouldn't have the courage to do so. I grabbed a knife out of my backpack, and ran the blade up my arm. I didn't cut deep enough in fear of an infection, little blood was drawn, but I though the physical pain would hide the emotional pain. Right when I lost all hope though, I decided to look up. There was a tiny ray of light shining through a hedge about 20 feet in front of me. I was hesitant at first, but I was desperate for the light. It felt like something was dragging me over to the hedge, and then I somehow made my way behind it. A blinding light appeared as I emerged from the hedge. It took me a while to get used to, but there they were; The flowers smiling at the sun. There were bunnies and deer jumping around, and I completely forgot about what the night was like. I was so joyful and cheerful, but then I noticed something odd. I looked down and there was a hand in my right hand. My eyes followed up the hand's arm and I was then greeted to a face smiling at me. I didn't realize it at first, but this kind woman dragged me into the light. She was the one who brought me back to daytime. It was a bit much for me to take this all in, so I decided to sit on a log that was near by. For some reason I felt empty, but when the woman sat next to me a light started glowing in my heart. I was so happy that it was day again, but I could help but wonder when it will turn night again.
Hey look at those weird poems I wrote out of depression... let me just delete some of those. Ok!
Anyways, I don't know what this is. It's kind of dark though. I call it "The Dark Depressing Night".
It was a cold dark night in the forest. A night that seemed like it would last forever. I was scared that the morning will never appear, and it will be night forever. I was starting to miss the joys of daytime. The flowers smiling at the sun, the wildlife frolicking through the woods, and the birds singing their beautiful songs. I missed it all. I missed being carefree. I was constantly watching my back, taking caution at every turn. All the sweet, nice animals were nowhere to be seen, and I felt like all the dangerous killers were surrounding me. I would pass by a few animals that would cheerfully greet me, but I would just silently walked past them. I didn't trust any of them. I thought they only wanted to hurt me. I tried hard to keep going though. Despite my paranoia, I wanted to survive my way through these woods, but supplies were running low and I was starting to lose my willpower. It felt like I was walking for hours and hours, and no progress was made. All I could hear now was the crackling of the leaves and sticks underneath my feet, the "Hoot! Hoot!" of the owls, and the "Howl" of the wolves. I was starting to think that I should turn around and leave. I felt like there was nothing out there for me. I felt so alone. It was too late to turn back now though. I just wanted to end it at that point. My journey was hopeless in my eyes, and it was probably hopeless in other's eyes too. I sat on the nearest tree stump I could find and cried. I knew I couldn't end my journey. Even if I could, I wouldn't have the courage to do so. I grabbed a knife out of my backpack, and ran the blade up my arm. I didn't cut deep enough in fear of an infection, little blood was drawn, but I though the physical pain would hide the emotional pain. Right when I lost all hope though, I decided to look up. There was a tiny ray of light shining through a hedge about 20 feet in front of me. I was hesitant at first, but I was desperate for the light. It felt like something was dragging me over to the hedge, and then I somehow made my way behind it. A blinding light appeared as I emerged from the hedge. It took me a while to get used to, but there they were; The flowers smiling at the sun. There were bunnies and deer jumping around, and I completely forgot about what the night was like. I was so joyful and cheerful, but then I noticed something odd. I looked down and there was a hand in my right hand. My eyes followed up the hand's arm and I was then greeted to a face smiling at me. I didn't realize it at first, but this kind woman dragged me into the light. She was the one who brought me back to daytime. It was a bit much for me to take this all in, so I decided to sit on a log that was near by. For some reason I felt empty, but when the woman sat next to me a light started glowing in my heart. I was so happy that it was day again, but I could help but wonder when it will turn night again.